2 Page 264 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nike Joins The Quest For A Sub Two-Hour Marathon
In a brilliant height-of-the-Christmas-sales-season marketing move, Nike announced via two breathless press releases, in Runner’s World and Wired, that they are entering the sub two-hour marathon game. ...
My Combo Of The Year
It’s time to announce my combo of the year. ...
Liberals Cheering On The Electoral College Dope Who Won't Vote For Donald Trump Is Really Frightening
Last night, the New York Times published an editorial written by Christopher Surpun, a “Republican presidential elector” from Texas who says that he will not cast his electoral college vote for Donald Trump, despite Trump winning the state by nine points. Surpun doesn’t say who he will vote for, but...
Mark Helfrich Fired By Oregon, Which Makes Sense
As a rule, Oregon doesn’t fire coaches. The last time they fired one was in 1976, instead choosing to promote from within. That’s a perfectly noble system to adhere to if you’re the sort of school that’s accepted lower expectations or manages to find a flawless in-house successor for every coach and...
Report: Kenya's Olympic Team Was Torpedoed By Their Own Comically Corrupt Officials<em></em>
Kenya finished the Rio Olympics with 13 track and field medals, second only to the United States who finished with 32. That’s a gulf, not a gap, but after reading details about how thoroughly the team was sold up the river by their own Olympic committee, I’m impressed that Kenya managed that many....
Colorado Player Arrested For Drug Possession After Allegedly Being Knocked Out By Teammate
In the hours following Colorado’s Pac-12 South title-clinching victory against Utah, two Buffalo players got a little out of hand. ...
Who Lost The White House?
After a long, ugly, and immensely stupid presidential election, a modest plurality of a little more than half of voting-age Americans voted to make a deeply loathed avatar of the despised political establishment the next President of the United States. Unfortunately, they were improperly geographica...
Daniel Cormier Withdraws From UFC 206 Main Event Fight
Poor Daniel Cormier. A few months after Jon Jones was forced out of his UFC 200 rematch against Cormier for a positive drug test, Cormier will now have to miss his light heavyweight title defense against Anthony “Rumble” Johnson at UFC 206 on Dec. 10 with an injury. MMAFighting first reported the ne...
Federal Judge Rejects Chess Federation's Sicilian Defense, Allows Media To Report World Championship Moves<em></em>
I’ve watched most of the World Chess Championships without ever actually witnessing Magnus Carlsen or Sergey Karjakin make a single move. As fun as it would be to watch the two grandmasters squirm and fret while contemplating their moves, you only need to know where each player’s pieces are to follo...
Gifts For People Who Are Sick Of Stupid Party Games
Playing board games at holiday gatherings, parties, or anywhere else should be fun. It usually isn’t, because the most popular party games are awful....
How To Talk To Your Shithead Liberal Nephew Over The Holidays<em></em>
Congratulations! You won the election. Not you, specifically—unless you’re reading this, Mr. Trump, which, now that your name is in it, you probably are—but your people: Real American Men, where “real” means over 45 and white, “American” means suburban- or rural-residing, and “men” means what it use...
Jos Hermens Explains How He's Going To Find A Sub Two-Hour Marathoner
Jos Hermens had been talking for maybe four minutes, and already I had learned that he sexted his wife (he made a gleeful face and texting motions); that Americans are fucking uptight (also uptight about fucking) and that is the problem with our country; that his people, the Dutch, are so happy beca...
U.S. Soccer Fires USMNT Head Coach Jurgen Klinsmann
U.S. Soccer has fired United States Men’s National Team head coach Jurgen Klinsmann after a disappointing start to the final round of 2018 World Cup qualifying, the federation announced this afternoon. Klinsmann was also removed from his role as technical director. ...
Cristiano Ronaldo Gave A Truly Moving Speech After Winning Euro 2016
Literally nothing bad to say about this. Cristiano Ronaldo did a legitimately cool thing. I’m as shocked as you....
Gifts For A Life With Diminished Horizons
The line between holiday gifts and New Year’s resolutions is less clear than it might seem. Unless you and your gift recipients have fallen into the terrible trap of typecasting—Here’s one more item for you with a golf joke on it, Jolly Person Who Plays Golf!—presents are aspirational: Here’s someth...
“You Shitti Farty Dirty Nasty JUDE Bitch!”: Trump Voters Send Their Best
Donald Trump is about to be president, a white nationalist is whispering in his ear, and Jeff “The Ku Klux Klan Is Alright By Me” Sessions will soon be our attorney general. We are entering a golden age for racists in America. And according to my inbox, these assholes know it....
Sergey Kovalev Isn't A Gangster; He's Russian
As far as boxing ring entrances go, light-heavyweight champion Sergey Kovalev keeps things simple. No Roman gladiator outfits or frilly fireman costumes á la Hector “Macho” Camacho. No five-minute, curtain-silhouetted dance routines like “Prince” Naseem Hamed. No live performances from Young Thug, w...
Gifts For Drew Magary Readers
So you know a Drew Magary enthusiast, or someone who should be a Drew Magary enthusiast, and you’re wondering what sort of holiday present to get them? As someone who argues with Magary daily about everything, listen to me on this—I know what I’m talking about. Get them some Magary books!...
Floyd Mayweather Manages Photo Op In Which He's Not The Biggest Asshole<em></em>
Trump’s gravity for repulsive assholes remains undefeated....
Report: Three NBA Teams Have Stopped Staying At Trump Hotels
The Memphis Grizzlies, Milwaukee Bucks, and Dallas Mavericks have all stopped staying at Donald Trump-owned hotels this season, according to a report from ESPN. The three teams stay at Trump properties in either New York or Chicago, but have since sought accommodations not owned by the repugnant pre...