2 Page 267 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wall Street Is Giving Trump A One In Three Chance
In financial markets, the outcome of a presidential election is most important in the sense of “What should I invest in if Trump fucking wins?” And the wizards of Wall Street are not ruling that possibility out! ...
All The Questions The 2016 Campaigns Were Afraid To Answer
As anyone in media will be quick to tell you, this has been one long, grueling election. We’ve seen pope feuds, rigged podiums, and Ted Cruz’s innards. But for all its scandal and intrigue, this election has been largely devoid of one thing in particular: Motherfucking answers....
Has Donald Trump Ever Actually Met A Dog?
At a rally last night in Pennsylvania, Donald Trump claimed his opponent Hillary Clinton “cheated like a dog” at their last debate. It’s just the latest in a long string of canny canine similes used Trump, and one that makes us wonder if the GOP presidential candidate has ever, actually, met a dog....
Trump Surrogate Criticizes Hillary Backer Jay Z For Video Featuring "Mazel Tov Cocktail"
Scottie Nell Hughes is still promoting Donald Trump on CNN despite her having been verbally assassinated on-air by Ana Navarro last month. Tonight, she stood up for her candidate after Trump attacked Beyoncé and Jay Z, who appeared with Clinton at a rally this weekend—but got one slight detail wrong...
LeBron James, J.R. Smith Encourage Ohio Crowd To Get Out The Vote At Hillary Clinton Rally<em></em>
Ohio man LeBron James introduced Hillary Clinton at her rally Sunday in Cleveland. James was joined by J.R. Smith, who located a shirt for the big day, and Smith’s daughter, Demi....
They Finally Took Away Donald Trump's Twitter Account
With just two days left in our collective national hell, the Trump campaign is in its final push to do... something. After all, Trump doesn’t have any pollsters since the campaign refused to pay them. And he barely has the support of his own favorite daughter. Now, though, Trump’s lost perhaps the o...
Donald Trump Is Going To Get His Ass Kicked On Tuesday
I tweeted about this yesterday, but I’m gonna put the take here because maybe you’re already freaking out about Tuesday and starting to drink heavily. Here’s the deal: Donald Trump is going to get his ass kicked. Anyone who says otherwise is either a) afraid of jinxing it and/or making Hillary Clint...
Donald Trump Rushed Off Stage After Disturbance In Reno [Updating]
Donald Trump’s rally tonight in Reno came to a halt after a disturbance in the crowd led Secret Service to rush him off the stage....
Did Donald Trump Watch The Same Obama Speech We All Did?
Yesterday a Trump protester interrupted the president’s appearance at a Hillary Clinton rally in North Carolina, prompting Obama to quiet down a rowdy crowd and urge it to respect the man’s right to free speech. That’s a radical difference from the Trump approach already, but the GOP nominee saw thi...
Did You Hear The Latest Big Election Scoop?
This past weekend, I caught some evolved form of plague from my two-year-old, disease-carrying nephew. Though I’m past the worst of the illness at this point, some residual sinus pressure remains. So I stopped by the drugstore on my way into the office. It was here that I learned that Huma Abedin an...
Here's Some Wholly Believable Donald Trump Jr. Gossip<em></em>
Earlier today, Miami-based DJ Scott Melker posted a story on Facebook from his time at the University of Pennsylvania—time that he shared with none other than First Son-hopeful Donald J. Trump Jr. And according to Melker, Don Jr. (and his father, for that matter) behaves pretty much exactly like you...
Liam McGeary Enjoys Violence
Thirty-four-year-old Liam McGeary is undefeated over the course of his MMA career. The lanky, British-born fighter won Bellator’s light-heavyweight championship in February of 2015, and went on to defend it that fall. But having nursed a nagging leg injury since 2014, McGeary stopped competing to fo...
The Cubs Were Built For That
When a championship is decided under circumstances as historic as those that saw the Chicago Cubs claim their first World Series title in 108 years, the impossible becomes overdetermined. The evaporation of a 3-1 series lead leaves behind chokers, miraculous individual feats, and moments of immense ...
I'm The Big Boy
In 2011, The Metropolitan Golf Writer’s Association awarded the Trump family the honor of Golf Family of the Year. Also in 2011, Donald J. Trump Jr. was a big, fancy booster chair boy....
Dying Is Easy, Making Famous Politicians Seem Funny Is Hard
Disclaimer: Any assumption that the political jokes contained in this article are funny will lead to disappointment....
Ted Cruz's Children Finally Happy In Public As Dad Hides Most Of Face<em></em><em></em><em></em>
“Two little girls... very excited to trick or treat with Mommy and Daddy.” Words that would be perfectly fine-ish under normal circumstances. Unfortunately, tonight, they come from this man:...
Report: Trump Dodged Paying Tens Of Millions In Taxes<em></em>
According to a report from the New York Times, Donald Trump avoided paying “tens of millions of dollars” in taxes after he failed to declare hundreds of millions of dollars in income, thus exploiting a IRS loophole so legally murky that his own advisers told him that the IRS would probably penalize ...
Trump Supporter Arrested For Vote Fraud Claims Polls Are Rigged
An Iowa woman arrested on charges she voted twice for Donald Trump attempted to explain her behavior by stating that “the polls are rigged,” according to Iowa Public Radio....