2 Page 307 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Was The Shittiest Take Of The Year?
It was quite the year for shitty takes, my friends. Remember Bud Poliquin? And the Titans mom? And Jason Whitlock’s entire oeuvre? Oh, what a time we had with all those takes. But there were three shitty takes that sunk below all the others … takes that buried themselves deep into the mantle of the ...
The Best Horses Of 2015
Horse racing had a fantastic 2015. Every leg of the Triple Crown was must-see TV, and the end of the Belmont Stakes made history. The year’s events breathed new life into the sport of horse racing, and we have these amazing, newsworthy horses to thank for that....
Dana White: I'm Voting For Donald Trump
I mean, look, as a fight fan and as an American I feel like I should question why anyone would care about who Dana White is voting for; go on about why Dana White shouldn’t be okay with a guy who’s been in the news for wanting to ban Muslims from the United States; muse on whether publishing an item...
CNN Makes Charles Barkley Talk Politics To Promote Debate; Chuck Trashes "Awful" CNN
CNN is the home of next week’s Republican debate, and tonight’s ever-encroaching instance of corporate synergy found Turner’s Charles Barkley being forced, hostage-proof-of-life style, to talk politics. And talk he did, slamming Donald Trump and trashing CNN—saying the network has “done an awful job...
Muslim Sports Heroes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar And Muhammad Ali Condemn Donald Trump
A flopped-over traffic cone named Donald Trump who is uncomfortably close to controlling America’s nuclear arsenal has spent the last several days whipping up a xenophobic frenzy against Muslims, and among other things expressed bafflement at the possibility that there existed Muslim sports heroes....
Player Forced To Officiate Girls' Soccer Match After Sexist Comments To Female Ref
Kerem Demirbay of German second division club Fortuna Düsseldorf was having a good game a couple weeks ago, notching two goals before accumulating his second yellow card. Upset about the card, he told female ref Bibi Steinhau that women had no place in soccer before leaving the field. For this, his ...
Track Athlete Makes News By Publishing His Salary
Canadian sprinter and USC student Andre De Grasse signed a pro contract with Puma recently. There are two reasons this is big screaming news in track and field: One is that the contract is for a stratospheric amount of money, compensation of the sort top NBA picks are accustomed to but track athlete...
Donald Trump Wants To Know If There Are Any Muslim Athletes
In a televised speech last night, United States President Barack Obama mentioned that many of our greatest athletes are Muslim. This caused Donald Trump, a fascist golem made of flypaper, to be like, “What Muslims?!?!”...
Report: FBI Investigating Sepp Blatter's Role In $100 Million Bribery Case
According to a new report from BBC Sport, the FBI is looking into Sepp Blatter’s role in a $100 million bribe paid to FIFA by now-defunct sports marketing company ISL. Former FIFA executive Joao Havelange apparently wrote in a letter to the FBI that Blatter was well aware of the corruption within FI...
Bobby Jindal, Obsequious Twerp, Simpers The Fuck Out
Bobby Jindal will no longer pursue the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. He also will not pursue Alpha Centauri, or growing a second head out of his left shoulder, or the Elder Wand. Dogs will not shoot lasers from their eyes. The sun will not be a showerhead that sprays grapefruit juice. Man...
The <i>Zoolander 2 </i>Trailer Makes It Look Tolerable, At Least
The bad comedy sequels far outnumber the good, and most of the time it doesn’t work too well when they bring back a decade-plus-old movie. (Case in point: Dumb and Dumber Too.) So I say with caution that based on one trailer, Zoolander 2 looks okay!...
Zlatan Kills Denmark On The Field, Then Torches Them With Sick Burn
This version of Zlatan Ibrahimović is older and worse than the one we loved and feared. Not that a little thing like age could keep him from stomping out Denmark on his way to qualifying for Euro 2016, and dancing over the body in an interview after....
The United States Cap-Tied Two Very Good Dual Nationals Last Night
The United States started off their World Cup Qualifying campaign in St. Louis last night with a 6-1 win against Caribbean minnows St. Vincent and the Grenadines. The result was as expected and there’s nothing substantial to be gleaned from how the team played, aside from the fact that they allowed ...
IAAF Suspends Russia From International Competitions
When the World Anti-Doping Agency published its damning report accusing Russia of running a state-sponsored doping program for international athletes, it asked the International Association of Athletics Federation to ban Russian track and field athletes from international competitions. Today, the IA...
The Only Rule Is Refusal: A Song For Rand Paul
By the end of last night’s debate, Rand Paul had been reduced to smirking and reciting the Real Fiscal Conservatism rulebook—You can’t spend trillions on the military and be a real conservative, so are you a real conservative?—like a five-year-old who’d caught a playmate in the irreconcilable though...
President Of German Soccer Association Resigns Amid World Cup Bribery Scandal
DFB President Wolfgang Niersbach has resigned from his post today. While he’s maintained his and his organization’s innocence amid allegations that German soccer officials bought votes in order to win World Cup hosting rights in 2006, Niersbach has decided to take “political responsibility” for the ...
Larry David Makes <i>SNL</i> Return To Play Bernie Sanders Again
Cranky human Larry David reprised his role of a lifetime on Saturday Night Live tonight, and since you enjoyed his turn as Vermont senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders last time, we’ll let you argue about how great/awful his impression is down there in the comments again....
Big Fat Fabulist Ben Carson's West Point Story Is Bogus
Republican presidential candidate and hip-hop impresario Ben Carson is full of beans. Possibly he is as much as 82-percent beans! His tales of youthful violence keep changing, his Mannatech disavowal was bogus on its face, and now his story of receiving a full scholarship to the U.S. Military Academ...
A More Honest Version Of Ben Carson's Rap Campaign Ad
As we noted earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson has a rap campaign ad. We found the ad lacking a bit in some of the neurosurgeon’s more intellectual observations, though, and so we made him a new version....
Ben Carson Made A Rap Song For The Blacks
With the 2016 election now just a year away, presidential campaigns are finally getting down to serious business. As Barack Hussein Obama proved seven years back, there are oodles of black people in this country, and some even vote. The blacks are a valuable constituency, so it behooves each preside...