2 Page 413 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If You Are A Journalist, Ukraine's Soccer Coach Will Fight You
Ukraine head coach Oleg Blokhin, who's something of a soccer legend in Russia, really wanted to beat the shit out of some journalists today, after his squad lost 1-0 to England and was eliminated from Euro 2012. What made the day worse for Blokhin was that Ukraine appeared to score in the 63rd min...
Zlatan Ibrahimović Has Scored The Goal Of Euro 2012 Thus Far With An Astounding Volley
The Swedes are eliminated from qualifying for the knockout round, but it didn't stop them from reveling in Zlatan Ibrahimović's astounding goal to put Sweden up 1-0 on France in today's Group D match....
Usain Bolt Crashes BMW Into Guard Rail, Jamaica Responds With Shitstorm Of Disapproval
Usain Bolt is "the most naturally gifted athlete the world has ever seen," according to Usain Bolt. But while the Jamaican sprinter has certainly been blessed by the gods of speed and victory, it seems he missed the lottery for skills typically associated with mere mortals. Like humility, for starte...
Mario Balotelli Didn't Start Today's Match, Scored A Wondergoal Anyway
It proved meaningless in the competition—Italy was headed to the Euro 2012 quarterfinals anyway—but Mario Balotelli's goal in the 90th minute of today's Group C bout between the Azzurri and Ireland warrants our consideration regardless....
To UEFA, Wrong Underwear Far Worse Than Fan Racism
Know this: UEFA is very protective of its sponsors. (Here are the Euro 2012 sponsors, soulless corporations all, and you should avoid their products for the remainder of the tournament. Except possibly Ukrsotsbank PJSC.) Paddy Power, the Irish bookmaker, is just as corporate and just as interested i...
At Euro 2012, No Place For English Optimism Or Swedish Sobriety
KIEV, Ukraine—The English did not come to Kiev in droves. According to a few of them who milled about before the match with Sweden, their countrymen stayed away for two reasons: 1) The fear of racism and violence, fueled by the BBC's sensationalist Stadiums of Hate documentary, and 2) an unflinching...
A Reminder That Everything About The Olympics Is Always Corrupt
Forget the NCAA—the biggest amateur athletics scam going is the Olympic Games. The best sportsmen, sportswomen, and sportschildren in the world, all conveniently paid in "glory" and "pride" instead of money. And the Games make money, plenty of it. But a host city has never once shown a profit. So in...
Ukraine Solves Its Alcoholic Bear Problem Just In Time For Euro 2012 (Also, Ukraine Had A Problem With Alcoholic Bears)
Some of you may not know this, but Ukraine has a bit of a problem with drunk bears. They call them "vodka bears" because they were given vodka and forced to dance as a means of entertainment at local hotels and restaurants. Last August, efforts were made to stop the practice, but now I guess they h...
Danny Welbeck's Brilliant Back-Heel Volley Brought England From Behind To Beat Sweden 3-2
Sweden's Euro 2012 dream is over thanks to Theo Walcott & Danny Welbeck's work late in today's match....
The NFL Will Make Its All-22 Film Available To Everyone Next Year, And Football Writing Will Never Be The Same Again
Rejoice, football dorks! The NFL evidently rolled out its Game Rewind 2012 today and announced that there'll be real full-game-length All-22 film in there. This is big....
Banana On The Pitch! A Roundup Of Horrible Euro 2012 Fans, With Croatia In The Early Lead
Ah yes, the traditional banana hurled at a black player. Euro 2012 is officially on!...
Today's Ukraine-France Match Is Delayed Because God Is Angry
Hellfire is raining in Donetsk, where the Euro 2012 Ukraine-France match is delayed due to heavy rain and lightning, some of which appears here to have attempted to find its way inside the stadium. (That ain't sunlight.) Clearly Thor is angry Norway failed to qualify....
Thousands Of Irish Soccer Fans Sing Their Team Off After A Crushing Defeat
Ireland got thrashed by Spain today, 4-0, in the second match of the group stage, but the loyal Irish faithful that flew into Gdansk for the match nonetheless sang their team off the pitch with a rousing rendition of "The Fields of Athenry" in the waning moments. It's basically like a couple thous...
Olympics Field Guide: Chris Hoy, The Incredible Hulk Of Track Cycling
Name: Chris Hoy...
Swedish Team In Trouble After Bare-Assed Game Of "Butts Up"
In my schoolyard it was called "butts up." In yours, it might have been "asses up," "wallball," "red ass," "suicide," but the game is the same, and taps in to the primal center of young boys' brains. It's essentially handball, but the first one to run up a certain number of "outs" must lean against ...
From Ukraine With Love: 24 Racism-Free Hours At Euro 2012
KIEV & KHARKIV, Ukraine—The fast train from Kiev to Kharkiv takes four hours. I know this, although I am not on it. I want to be on it, but tickets are gone, sold weeks ago to assorted Germans and other more prepared fans traveling from the Ukrainian capital to the industrial city that lies 300 mile...
Two Croatian Government Workers Are In Trouble For Flashing Everyone At Euro 2012
Croatia took a vital three points from Ireland over the weekend, sending fans into spasms of joy and occasional nudity. Now two women face losing their jobs after photos of them baring their chests at Sunday's match—including one of an Irish fan licking one woman's breasts—have been seen by pretty m...
Olympics Field Guide: Phillips Idowu, The Dennis Rodman Of The Triple Jump
Name: Phillips Idowu...
Russian And Polish Fans May Kill Each Other Before Their Match Starts
Here are some of the videos that have surfaced from this morning's clashes between Russian and Polish soccer fans, before their teams' match later today at Euro 2012. According to one (biased) account, a Russian fan march was set upon by Polish supporters, and broken up by police firing tear gas a...
Ukraine's 2-1 Comeback Win Left This Swede Feeling Black In The Face
So, yeah, the racism promised to emerge at Euro 2012 in Poland and Ukraine actually did, though in classic 1960's spy drama fashion everyone's blaming the Russians. Sweden had no one to blame but themselves, meanwhile, after a stunning performance by Andriy Shevchenko led Ukraine past the Swedes fo...