4 Page 139 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Video Of Chris Berman In 1984, Seemingly Before His Testicles Descended
This is video of a SportsCenter update from Christmas 1984. It's exceptional in every way you might imagine it to be....

Retired Football Player Loves Jesus, Guns
Glen Coffee—the former 49ers running back who retired to focus on religion—has been charged with possession of a concealed firearm in Florida. Heretic! It was the Gnostic Gospels that encouraged keeping a gat on the down low. [Pro Football Talk]...

Mike Singletary Doesn't Handle Criticism Well
Remember that whole "Mike Singletary Doesn't Much Like Talking" post from seven days ago this very minute? Fine, refresh yourself....

Mike Singletary Doesn't Much Like Talking
Mike Singletary's team got smoked by Seattle opening week and some rat 49er fink told Yahoo Sports! the team's losing faith in offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye....

Mike Singletary Wishes He Could Change, He Really Does
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: trow dropper and 49ers coach Mike Singletary....

Al Michaels And Cris Collinsworth Are Far Too Aware Of The Spread
Can we drop the charade and acknowledge that the only people watching the fourth quarter, third stringers of a preseason game are degenerate gamblers? The announcers analyzing a "meaningless" safety certainly knew how to play to the crowd....

Vernon Davis And Aaron Maybin Enjoy Stripper-Laced Vacation
In the past, NFL players had the luxury of a slower news cycle and no threat of grainy cellphone pictures—Joe Namath and Dan Fouts could attend a key party in peace, damnit. Those days are long, long gone....

Classy Penalty Causes Something Of An Internet Stir
Without deliberately attempting to garner any sympathy, the internet is a tough place to work — chiefly because you have to compete with nakedness, love makers, and bustling online auction houses before you can get your own tiny slice of the action....

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY DEVILS
Hence, the prolonged wheel-spinning you may be experiencing. From Gawker Quality Assurance: "It appears that we are under attack again, and are seeing major problems as a result." Just be patient or FUCKING PRAY QUIETLY BEFORE THEY MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED....

Unemployed Wide Receiver: If I Was LeBron, I'd Be An Employed Wide Receiver
Let's be honest: Cleveland wasn't The Decision's biggest victim. Terrell Owens was. Don't believe me? Just interrupt Terrell Owens from his driveway sit-ups regimen and ask Terrell Owens yourself. That's what 104.5 The Zone radio in Nashville did the other day. For its 3 Hour Lunch....

Jet Skis, Assault Weapons, And Party Girls: The Mikhail Prokhorov Supermix
Newly minted Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov is America's new favorite Russian oligarch. In the wake of all his recent, reliably preposterous media appearances, we've decided to put together a mix. Please enjoy. [Footage via Nets.com, CBSnews.com, YESNetwork.com; tunes via]...

Football Players Get Themselves Charged With Weed Cultivation In Solemn Observance Of Today's Date
Four Louisiana at Lafayette football players were arrested this morning and subsequently suspended indefinitely from the team for alleged cultivation of marijuana. Can't we celebrate Jessica Lange's birthday without the law busting in? [The Advertiser]...

Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: The Rams Are Nothing If Not Efficient
As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases stat nerds will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: Numbers don't lie, dummy....

Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: The 49ers Like "Winners"
As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: 49ers coach Mike Singletary seeks a younger version of Mike Singletary....

Rich Eisen's 40-Yard Dash An Amusing Special-Effects Bonanza
When he isn't impersonating Howard Cosell, Rich Eisen is straight running things on the NFL Network. Things like the 40-yard dash, which Rich ran in a slight-breeze-inducing 6.25 seconds....

Russians Also Not Shy About Winning, Threatening Olympic Bureaucrats
Russia is taking a page out of the Canadian playbook by making it clear that they intend to dominate Sochi in 2014. They're also taking a page out of the Soviet playbook by issuing ominous warnings to their own people....

Much More At Stake Than Super Bowl For Rex Ryan
Just got an email from Major League Eating president Rich Shea. If the Jets win Sunday, Eatapus Rex will get a seat in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. This is all the motivation Ryan needs. (Official invite below.)...

It's Always Snowing In Philadelphia
Yes, the Iggles faithful acted accordingly with the leftover snow in the stadium. Thankfully, the Niners fans wore hardhats to the game. We can only hope that they did not pack the snowballs with urine. [YouTube]...

Madness Is...A 49ers Taquería Mural
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

UFC 104: Zombies, Blind Men And The False Triumph Of The Piss-Drinker
Three years have passed since the UFC put on a show in Los Angeles, and maybe this is why. The California State Athletic Commission this weekend jobbed Shogun Rua out of a light heavyweight title....