6 Page 96 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Presenting The 2016 Name Of The Year Bracket
These are exciting times for Name of the Year....
Donald Trump Praises Missouri's Football Teams In Bizarre Speech
In the past twelve months, the state of Missouri has watched its NFL team depart for Los Angeles while its lone Division I-FBS team nearly went on strike due to racism on campus; they went 5-7 on the season. The two FCS programs? Missouri State’s football team went 1-10, while SEMO went 4-7. Donald ...
Jahlil Okafor To Undergo Meniscus Surgery, Miss At Least Six Weeks
Philadelphia 76ers rookie big man Jahlil Okafor will undergo a “minor” surgery on his meniscus and miss at least six weeks, the team announced Friday, effectively ending his season. ...
Donald Trump Shouts Out Paul O'Neill At Press Conference, Gets His Endorsement
Former Yankees outfielder Paul O’Neill showed up at the press conference turned Home Shopping Network program that Donald Trump, a short-fingered megalomaniac, held in Florida tonight, and even got a shoutout during Trump’s speech. John Kasich will be torn up about not getting his fellow Ohioan’s su...
Keith Olbermann Bodyslams Donald Trump Through The Core Of The Earth
Ever since Keith Olbermann left the ESPN airwaves eight months ago, there has been a conspicuous lack of uppercutting people into volcanoes and dropkicking them through glass doors in our lives. But there was no way the man who made his post-SportsCenter name exchanging haymakers with the Bush admin...
Ben Carson's Presidential Campaign Was A Big Success
Hear me, O Americans. If lots of people want to give you lots and lots of money to go stand on stages and just kinda sleepily free-associate whatever pops into your mind in response to prompts from strangers, and want to treat you like a rock star for doing it, and will support you in this behavior ...
Nate Diaz Shocks MMA World By Choking Out Conor McGregor
Nate Diaz choked out Conor McGregor in tonight’s UFC welterweight main event, shocking the promotion’s featherweight champion with McGregor’s first loss in six years....
Miesha Tate Defeats Holly Holm To Claim UFC Title
Holly Holm’s reign as UFC champion lasted one match after the boxing star that shocked the world by beating Ronda Rousey fell to challenger Miesha Tate at tonight’s pay-per-view event in Las Vegas in the longest women’s bantamweight title fight in UFC history....
Should The U.S. Boycott The Rio Olympics?
Oh, hey, looks like Olympic organizers in Rio won’t be able to clear the water of raw sewage in time for this summer’s Olympics. How much danger does poop water present to our athletes, and should we consider, you know, NOT making them compete in poop water by boycotting the whole thing? That’s just...
Republican Voters Vote For A Very Republican Republican
Back in August, I wrote a post accusing the political media of covering Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy more, and more seriously, than it deserved. “Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President,” I titled the post. D’oh....
Watch John Oliver MURDERSLAY Donald Trump
Making fun of Donald Trump is remarkably easy, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t satisfying. So why not sit back and watch self-described parrot banker John Oliver comprehensively rip Trump a new moneyhole for 20 solid minutes? You won’t be disappointed. You can’t be disappointed. Sometimes the easiest...
I Think These Sixers Fans Have Stockholm Syndrome
What is the saddest thing?...
The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars
Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars this year, and he took the gig long before the nominees were announced and everyone got pissed because all of them were white. So here we have one of the greatest social commentators of his generation presiding over a ceremony that is in DESPERATE need of a public fl...
The Pistons Are Voiding A Three-Way Trade, And It Has Hilarious Consequences
One of the “bigger” NBA trades from the snooze-fest of a trade deadline was a three-way deal among Detroit, Houston, and Philadelphia. This is how the trade looked: ...
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Rio Has Given Up On Its Goal To Clean Up The Water In Time For The Olympics
When bidding to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, Rio de Janeiro promised the International Olympics Committee that it would eliminate 80 percent of the sewage found in the city’s notoriously filthy water, and would fully regenerate the lagoon in which rowing and kayaking events will be held. Now a few...