6 Page 97 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ben Carson's Presidential Campaign Was A Big Success
Hear me, O Americans. If lots of people want to give you lots and lots of money to go stand on stages and just kinda sleepily free-associate whatever pops into your mind in response to prompts from strangers, and want to treat you like a rock star for doing it, and will support you in this behavior ...
Nate Diaz Shocks MMA World By Choking Out Conor McGregor
Nate Diaz choked out Conor McGregor in tonight’s UFC welterweight main event, shocking the promotion’s featherweight champion with McGregor’s first loss in six years....
Miesha Tate Defeats Holly Holm To Claim UFC Title
Holly Holm’s reign as UFC champion lasted one match after the boxing star that shocked the world by beating Ronda Rousey fell to challenger Miesha Tate at tonight’s pay-per-view event in Las Vegas in the longest women’s bantamweight title fight in UFC history....
Should The U.S. Boycott The Rio Olympics?
Oh, hey, looks like Olympic organizers in Rio won’t be able to clear the water of raw sewage in time for this summer’s Olympics. How much danger does poop water present to our athletes, and should we consider, you know, NOT making them compete in poop water by boycotting the whole thing? That’s just...
Republican Voters Vote For A Very Republican Republican
Back in August, I wrote a post accusing the political media of covering Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy more, and more seriously, than it deserved. “Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President,” I titled the post. D’oh....
Watch John Oliver MURDERSLAY Donald Trump
Making fun of Donald Trump is remarkably easy, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t satisfying. So why not sit back and watch self-described parrot banker John Oliver comprehensively rip Trump a new moneyhole for 20 solid minutes? You won’t be disappointed. You can’t be disappointed. Sometimes the easiest...
I Think These Sixers Fans Have Stockholm Syndrome
What is the saddest thing?...
The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars
Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars this year, and he took the gig long before the nominees were announced and everyone got pissed because all of them were white. So here we have one of the greatest social commentators of his generation presiding over a ceremony that is in DESPERATE need of a public fl...
The Pistons Are Voiding A Three-Way Trade, And It Has Hilarious Consequences
One of the “bigger” NBA trades from the snooze-fest of a trade deadline was a three-way deal among Detroit, Houston, and Philadelphia. This is how the trade looked: ...
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Rio Has Given Up On Its Goal To Clean Up The Water In Time For The Olympics
When bidding to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, Rio de Janeiro promised the International Olympics Committee that it would eliminate 80 percent of the sewage found in the city’s notoriously filthy water, and would fully regenerate the lagoon in which rowing and kayaking events will be held. Now a few...
The U.S. Olympic Marathon Team: BFFs, A Woman With A Plan, The Hero, Rupp, And A Guy Named Jared
The Olympic Marathon Trials have been tried and decided. By finishing in the top three, your 2016 Olympic marathoners are Galen Rupp, Meb Keflezighi and Jared Ward on the men’s side, and Amy Cragg, Des Linden, and Shalane Flanagan on the women’s. Should one of those Mister or Miss Americas be unable...
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...
The Sixers Realize They're A Big Joke, Are Now Maybe Trying To Fix That
The Philadelphia 76ers, those smirking pioneers of a remarkably misguided, anti-fun, actuarial, game theory-ass approach to NBA basketball, are now starting to realize that you can’t exactly build a winning basketball team while ignoring, well, the basketball. Back in December, the NBA more or less ...
Sage Steele Cuts Off Arcade Fire Singer Win Butler's Attempt To Talk About Health Care
Win Butler won the MVP trophy at today’s Celebrity All-Star game in Toronto, and the Arcade Fire frontman used his post-game interview with Sage Steele to suggest that the U.S. could learn a few things from Canada this election year. Steele wasn’t having anything of it, shutting Butler down with a “...
Holy Shit, Christen Press's First Touch Will Make Your Knees Buckle
Oh my god look at this first touch from Christen Press. She doesn’t just expertly control a cross whipped into her, but no-look uses the outside of her foot (her heel?!) to gently drop the ball just a few feet in beside her to wheel around and smash home. It should be illegal to be this skilled and ...
Rand Paul Was Always Bullshit
Rand Paul dropped out of the Republican presidential campaign after he came up shy of five percent in the Iowa caucus. This must have been a tremendous disappointment to ... well, nobody....
Bernie Sanders Is On Fire ... From One Specific Spot On The Floor
Killing time before votes from the New Hampshire primary started trickling in, Bernie Sanders showed off some of the skill that helped his Brooklyn elementary school win the borough championship. I’d make a joke here, but that’s bigger than any basketball accomplishment I have....