8 Page 89 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The China Olympics Should Only Involve Lions
How exciting are the Olympics going to be? Well, to entertain folks at the Chinese Zoo, lions are riding on the backs of horses. Only Barbaro could withstand such attacks....
The Heavy-Hearted Pro Bowl Starts Now
So, that'll be it for me today. Please enjoy the Pro Bowl festivities. Remember to pour a Pina Colada out to pay tribute to fallen soldier Sean Taylor....
Lunch Break With Judas Priest
Clare, get a Flyers chant going on while I'm gone....
It's Election Day, And We Will Make No Giants Analogies
Because we are Americans, and this is what we like to call a "democracy," you all should get out and vote today. We have some friends who, if they live in states that have closed primaries, don't vote because they "don't like to be labeled." Hey, who likes to be labeled? We want to vote....
Super Bowl Pants Party: Patriots Vs. Giants
After a week of drivel so repetitive that we were reduced to writing this, we finally land, inevitably, on the game itself. Whew. That took forever....
NFC Championship Pants Party: Packers Vs. Giants
Eli Manning against Brett Favre. The debate about the relative attributes of these two quarterbacks has raged for a generation. At last, it will be settled on the field....
AFC Championship Pants Party: Patriots Vs. Chargers
Does anyone out there dare? Can anyone claim, with a straight face, that the Chargers are going to win this game? It's the AFC Championship, and we haven't found a single person who is taking the underdog. Sad state of affairs....
NFL Divisional Pants Party: Cowboys Vs. Giants
You know what would really blow people's minds? If Jessica Simpson would have dated Eli Manning instead. Man, those guys would have some scintillating conversations....
NFL Divisional Pants Party: Colts Vs. Chargers
For whatever reason, everyone seems to be sleeping on this game. We are wary of that; this seems like the game with the most potential to be a wild 41-38, last second field goal type of game....
NFL Divisional Pants Party: Patriots Vs. Jaguars
It's always nice to see the NFL adopting baseball's strategy of scheduling the most exciting postseason games really late at night. Though we might just be getting old....
NFL Divisional Pants Party: Packers Vs. Seahawks
OK, everyone, it's the best football weekend of the year. Seriously: Four awesome games, all weekend. What more could someone want?...
NFL Wild Card Pants Party: Chargers Vs. Titans
Finally ... the game everyone can agree on, right? Blowout, yes? Vince Young crying on the sidelines while Merril Hoge cackles? Yes?...
NFL Wild Card Pants Party: Buccaneers Vs. Giants
We are incredibly pleased to live in a world in which this guy is facing off against this guy in an NFL playoff game....
NFL Wild Card Pants Party: Steelers Vs. Jaguars
Everybody loves the Jaguars all of a sudden. We dunno: If Big Ben stays off the bike, look out....
NFL Wild Card Pants Party: Seahawks Vs. Redskins
All right, kids, the playoffs are beginning Saturday, so it's time to start sorting some of these wild-card matchups. We find one game compelling, two somewhat intriguing and one rather dull. This is in that middle category....
The Only Playoff Simulation That Matters
Above is the second half of the Giants-Buccaneers tilt; it's amazing how compelling watching the final seconds turns out to be. We are almost certain that will be more entertaining than the actual game....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you honor Drew Brees, the best quarterback ever ... • College football: Fiesta Bowl, Oklahoma vs. West Virginia, at Glendale, Ariz. (8:15 p.m., ET). Too much excitement to fit on one chip. [Fox] • College basketball: Rutgers at South Florida (7 p.m., ET); Penn State at Northwestern ...
They've Nailed Down This Cheering Thing In China
The ongoing saga of the Chinese government attempting to train their fans and citizens to act like normal people for next year's Olympics continue to amuse. The newest endeavor: Cheering instructional exercises....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while stockpiling saving throws vs. cold for the upcoming snowstorms... • NCAA Football: Clusterfuckery reigns supreme as Missouri, West Virginia lose. • NCAA Basketball: Gonzaga beats Connecticut, returns back home to wherever the hell they're located. • Tennis: Well, looky, the Uni...
About Last Night
What you missed while in a meat coma ... • College football: Trojans feast on Sun Devils, restore order to the the universe. USC 44, ASU 24. • NFL: Favre, Romo set up titanic match of 10-1 teams that a lot of people won't see. • College basketball: George Mason is back in the news, to Kansas State's...