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This Evening: Just In Time For The World Series, The Ron Washington Pumpkin
Your p.m. roundup for Oct. 19, the day we learned pregnant women don't want to give birth on Halloween. Photo of the (possibly fake?) Washington jack-o-lantern courtesy @lifeguardkyle, via @bigleaguestew. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Damn Nature, You Majestic: Kayaker Gets A Visit From A Blue Whale
A kayaker off of Los Angeles's Redondo Beach came prow to rostrum with nature's gentle giant, the blue whale. Kayaking is a sport, and my first grade teacher Mr. Moy gave me an unhealthy love of whales, so here it is....

"I'm About Winning": Coach K Wasn't Included In Duke's Auto-Tune Song, So We Made One For Him
Mike Krzyzewski did not partake in DJ Steve Porter's Auto-Tuned "Duke Worldwide" music video, so we went into the Deadspin recording studio (it's called GarageBand and it's probably on your Mac) and mixed one ourselves....

Homemade Infographic: Is The World Series Famous Enough For Dirk Nowitzki?
Maybe Major League Baseball is preventing Dirk Nozitzki from throwing out the first pitch for the Texas Rangers for some reason other than as a courtesy to NBA owners, an intersport extension of the basketball lockout. Maybe it really is that as they weighed "what makes sense for the team and a good...

Olympic Sprinting Is Sexist Toward Men, Says Research Paper I Don't Fully Understand But Sounds Plausible
We knew that false starts in sprinting are triggered by a sensor in the starting block. What we did not know is that a false start can still be triggered if a runner breaks after the starting gun—anywhere up to a tenth of a second after. This is because, the thinking goes, the human nervous system c...

Andy Dalton: This Whole NFL Thing "Is A Lot Easier Than I Expected"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the Bengals QB wonders why the transition is so hard for others....

Buddy Ryan's "Polish Goal Line" Defense Was Against The Rules, And That Was The Point
This diagram is supposed to be from the Houston Oilers' playbook in 1993, the one season Buddy Ryan spent as the team's defensive coordinator. It depicts a special goal-line formation Ryan designed for the end of the half or the end of the game—situations in which there were "less than 15 seconds,"...

Duke Basketball Made More Insufferable With Auto-Tuned "Duke Worldwide" Music Video
Midnight Madness took place last weekend. Lots of people do insufferable things during Midnight Madness, and increasingly, they do those insufferable things on camera. This is no longer limited to a drunk sorority girl's iPhone filming from the upper deck, muffled by screams and excited shaking ha...

Bryant Gumbel Drops One Little Plantation Metaphor, And Everybody Loses Their Shit
You'll notice that Bryant Gumbel never once used the s-word in his criticism of David Stern last night. His extended analogy called the players "hired hands," which ought to put the lie to any suggestion that actual, literal slavery was being evoked. That hasn't stopped the usual backlash that comes...

MLB's Fun Police Bans Dirk Nowitzki From Throwing Out First Pitch At A World Series Game
From Marc Stein: "Sources told ESPNDallas.com that—with the NBA in the midst of a lockout that has spanned 111 days—at least some hesitation stems from the idea that MLB executives want to stand behind their basketball counterparts and have notified the Rangers that they can't bestow first-pitch hon...

Doc Gooden Missed The Mets' Victory Parade In 1986 Because He Was Doing Coke, And Other Depressing Tales
It's time for some uplifting news from the good folks at E:60! It's a rare occasion when "club in Long Island" is not the most soul-wrenching part of a story, but this is one of those times. ...

Soccer Player Apparently Stabbed In Eyeball After Soft Slap To Neck
The business of cataloging awful (and sometimes admirable) injury performances in soccer games is an important one, and we do not take it lightly. Also not apparently taken lightly: Incidental contact to Lille's Aurélien Chedjou's neck. The contact somehow automatically transported to the Cameroon...

Remembering The Best Punt Return That Never Officially Happened
Bears wide receiver/returner Devin Hester—as Drew explained Monday—is the human highlight reel that opponents have to kick to. He gave us a splendid return on Sunday night. But perhaps his best play of the season came on a play when he never touched the ball, on a play that never happened, as far ...

This Is Shaq Speaking Out Against Anti-Gay Bullies
First, Michael Irvin appeared on the cover of Out magazine this summer and acknowledged how he's come to accept his gay older brother. Now, here's Shaq teaming up with the folks from GLAAD to lend his own voice to the issue. Progress. [SLAM]...

Happy Halloween! Meet The Human Centipede Pumpkin
We here at Deadspin are great fans of the Human Centipede series of films—the second of which hit theaters a week and a half ago. And we're also great fans of Halloween, or something. So when some reader—in this case Adam K., of lovely Wrightsville Beach, NC—sends us a Human Centipede-carved pumpkin...

Michael Crabtree Says He Missed A Flight Because He Got Pulled Over By A Cop Who's A Raiders Fan
Crabtree, a 49ers wide receiver, first tweeted this: "Just got pull over on highway 280 on my way to the airport. Police kept me for 30 mins....." He followed that with what you see above. No word on why Crabtree was pulled over, in what municipality the traffic stop took place, or why Raiders fans ...

Memphis Could Sue The NBA If It Doesn't Get Its Shit Together
In America, if you're not getting what you need quickly enough, there is always a simple back-up plan available: go to court, tie everything up in paperwork and bureaucracy, and end up with a settlement. It's almost one of our golden rules. And so it's almost a surprise that, with lockouts straining...

Here's Video Of Bryant Gumbel Calling David Stern A "Modern Plantation Overseer" On HBO's Real Sports Last Night
"His moves are intended to do little more than show how he's the one keeping the hired hands in their place." [The Basketball Jones, via Pro Basketball Talk]...

As If A Competitive Waterskiing Wipeout Wasn't Enough, The Guy's From Ohio State
So collegiate waterskiing is apparently a thing. Nationals were this weekend, and OSU's Kyle Dammeyer went down hard and soggy. If you missed this video in Hot Clicks, don't miss it here, and turn up the sound; the announcer is gold....

John Beck Gets To Be The Next Redskins Starting QB To Screw Everything Up
According to Dan Steinberg, Mike Shanahan's decision to make a change for Sunday's game at the Panthers makes Beck the 13th different starter in Dan Snyder's tenure as owner. To which Steinberg added: "Name them all, and then punch yourself in the face." [D.C. Sports Bog]...