a Page 7452 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lance Armstrong Can't Not Be The Top Dog
Lance Armstrong said he just wanted to get some exercise and maybe promote his wristbands, because after four years off, expecting him to win the Tour de France would just be silly. What's that? He's in first place now? Lovely....
F—k Your Stupid Life Event: A Guide To Gift Giving
I hate buying gifts. I hate shopping for them, even online, which requires only that I click a mouse a few times, maybe fill out your address. NO TIME FOR THAT SHIT....
The Death Of Steve McNair And The War Against Cliché
The eulogies to Steve McNair are pouring in from all points on the compass, and one word seems to be showing up again and again. You know which one: "warrior."...
The Real Reason You Should Hate The Media (And That Includes Us)
A new media site launched yesterday that serves as a rather handy reminder of just why everyone hates the media....
The Fate Of U.S.-Russia Relations Rests On Alexander Ovechkin's Stick
"As a resident of Washington, D.C., I continue to benefit from the contributions of Russians — specifically, from Alexander Ovechkin," said Barack Obama, who was criticized for not being a true puckhead. Don't get greedy, Capitals fans. [D.C. Sports Bog]...
Cristiano Ronaldo Stars In World's Largest Press Conference
Almost 80,000 people showed up at Real Madrid's stadium last night just to watch Cristiano Ronaldo try on a shirt. I'm starting to suspect that you don't love your favorite team enough....
Houston Nutt Is Officially A Reality TV Star
Coming soon to a TV probably not near you: "Gridiron U," a "made for television authentic show" about Houston Nutt's Mississippi team, which isn't, as far as I know, Gridiron U. This was supposed to be reality, right? [PR Newswire]...
Oh, Jason, You've Really Gone And Done It Now...
Jason Whitlock wrote a face-slapper of a column about Serena Williams where he says things like this: "I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin." Jezebels...ATTACK!...
Yankees Won't Be Joining Umpire For Post-Game Pizza Party
For as much glory as there is to be had in Little League — and not just by the 13-year-old with the mustache — there are more disheartening components. Like the umpires. Those guys were the pits....
Shady Tennis Player Dies Shady Death
Mathieu Montcourt's five-week suspension for betting on tennis matches began on Monday—the same day he was found dead in a stairwell under totally non-suspicious circumstances. (Police don't suspect foul play, believe it or not.) He was 24. [AFP]...
Tony La Russa Wisely Drops His Lawsuit Against Twitter
"La Russa's lawyer, Gregory McCoy, wrote that his client was dismissing the case, adding that "No payment was made by Twitter to La Russa in exchange for this dismissal." Expect 14 more Tony La Russa impersonators by noon. [Law.com]...
What Is Wrong With Our Fragile Baseball Players? (MRI Edition)
As anyone who plays fantasy baseball can tell you, injuries are killing your team. Baseball players spend more time on the DL than ever before, which probably says something about the times we live in. (It means you're weak.)...
Phil Mickelson's Mother Also Has Cancer
Less than two months after discovering that his wife has breast cancer, Phil Mickelson's mother has been diagnosed with the same disease. Man, this guy has had some rotten luck this year. [San Diego Union-Tribune]...
Greg Oden's Romantic Hawaiian Vacation Keeps Getting Interrupted By Bill From Accounting
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Tomorrow Is The First Day To Watch Young People In Red Scarves Get Gored
Yes, right about now, 95% of the inhabitants of tiny Pamplona, Spain are getting good and sloshed to prepare for the annual San Fermin "religious" festival where large creatures are loosed upon Hemingway-inspired college kids through a wooden maze. Par-tay....
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
Former Bubbly Blonde Olympic Figure Skater Is Now Meth-Running Brunette With A Bob
Nicole Bobek, who appeared at the 1998 Nagano Winter Olympics, was in a Jersey City court today on charges she played a "significant role" in a massive meth operation. [NJ.com]...
Caleb Campbell Gives Bobsledding A Shot
Remember Caleb Campbell—the former Army Cadet who was drafted by, but not allowed to play for, the Detroit Lions? Boy, did that guy dodge a bullet! Okay, maybe that was a bad metaphor....
Worth Almost $900 Million Now, Imagine If The Cubs Won A World Series
"The Ricketts family has reached a deal to buy the storied Chicago Cubs baseball team from bankrupt media company Tribune Co." Ambiguous adjectives are about as delightful as Sam Zell no longer owning a baseball team. [Reuters]...