a Page 7930 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

How To Get A Woman To Start Thinking Divorce At Her Wedding
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Put Your Hand Up If You <em>Don't</em> Own The Dolphins
Not so fast, Williams sisters. Venus and Serena join Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez as minority owners in Miami. "Minority" meaning as opposed to majority owners, not as opposed to white people. [AP]...

Paper Tigers: Memphis Didn't Win Those Things They Won
Your new NCAA record-holder for most wins in a season: the four teams that used to hold it before Memphis won 38 in 2007-08. That's because Memphis has to vacate all of them, plus their Final Four appearance....

Don't Give Out Second Chances Unless You Brought Enough For Everybody
Of all the people to whine about the Michael Vick signing, the most unlikely is Dan Leone, the former game-day employee who was fired after venting his frustations with the team on his Facebook page. Yet here we are....

Lou Piniella Doesn't Live By Your Namby-Pamby "Laws"
After White Sox GM Kenny Williams was ticketed and fined for jaywalking last week, Sweet Lou gets off with just a warning. Racism? Or just an affinity for the senior circuit? [Chicago Tribune]...

Old Folks And Steroids Is Apparently A Problem Now
PED use among our elderly athletes: are we overreacting to an appropriate degree, or could we stand to overreact even more?...

The Wit And Wisdom Of James Coley
James Coley is Florida State's tight ends coach and recruiting coordinator, not to mention a prolific Twitterer whose prose style evokes both Cobra Commander and a fortune cookie that wants to kill you. Can u FEEL it?...

Ben Roethlisberger's Lawyers Stay On The Offensive
Big Ben's legal team released a series of emails and instant messages sent by his accuser that they say "prove" he did not rape that woman, Andrea McNulty. If IM messages are now irrefutable evidence, then may I suggest this....

Brett Myers Just Can't Stop Being An A-Hole
The Phillies cantankerous pitcher Brett Myers is attempting to bounce back this season to inject life into the team's depleted bullpen, but first he has to let his eye socket heal after it landed on a fist....

Victor/Victoria
Androgynous distance runner Caster Semenya has won the 800 final at the track and field world championships, shaving more than a second off the year's fastest time as if it were an unwanted penis. [IAAF]...

Punching A Crippled Child Will Not Get Your Soccer Ball Back
A 23-year-old woman in a dispute over a soccer ball with a wheelchair-bound 13-year-old boy at a children's hospital, slugged him right in the medical halo that was screwed into his skull. That's at least a yellow card, right? [DMN]...

Deadspin I-Team: Who Is Rick Reilly's Virtual Bodyguard?
Avid readers of Rick Reilly®'s Wikipedia entry might've noticed a recent change: It is now, in every sense of the word, toothless....

Mets Third Base Coach Does Not Like My Pants And Will Not Eat My Poop Sandwich (UPDATE)
One man who's managed to keep his sunny disposition during the Mets season from hell is smooth-talking third base coach Razor Shines. Now you can ask him yes/no questions in this virtual ad and he'll answer them. All of them....

ESPN Videos Now Include Their Own Blooper Reels, "Bitch"
The funniest part of any Burt Reynolds movie is when they roll the bloopers during the closing credits. So ESPN's video folks must have figured, "Why not just leave the part where Paul Severino starts swearing in this game preview?"...

MANAGER FIGHT!!!
As is customary when a player throws a fastball three feet behind a batter's back, umpires deliver a warning to both managers. Then they tap gloves and come out swinging! At least that's the way it should be....

Nick Schuyler Explains What Went Wrong
The lone survivor of the boating accident that took the lives of three football players gave his first news interview since being rescued from the waters of the Gulf of Mexico in March....

Layla Kiffin's Job Is To Look Pretty And Keep Her Husband's Masculinity Intact
"He's got a really big heart. He's a great dad. And, he's got a really soft side to him. He cries in the girl movies." [Tennessean]...

Why Your Team Sucks: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Brendan Haywood Apologizes For Gay-Panicky Dig At Marbury
"I don't support or condemn homosexuality," Haywood explains agnostically, before diving into the comments and discoursing with the rabble on such matters as race, sexuality, the First Amendment and showering with men. [Yardbarker]...

Why Your Team Sucks: New Orleans Saints
Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....