aba Page 102 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
...But With A Whimper
RIP, at least six veins in Nick Saban's neck. ...
Andrea Bargnani Is Still Terrible At Defense In 2014
In case you were wondering if anything had changed with Andrea "Broken Controller" Bargnani's defense in the new year, here is video evidence that no, nothing has changed....
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
While collecting insertions into various orifices for our annual feature, we stumbled across a good number of truly awful penis-related mishaps. Culled from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, here's a year's worth of self-abuse....
The Lesson Of Black Monday: Your NFL Team Doesn't Know What It's Doing
Yesterday was Black Monday in the NFL. My team's coach got fired. Your team's coach got fired. EVERYONE'S coach got fired. If six Fortune 500 CEOs were all shitcanned on the same day, the markets would crash; there'd be barricades in the streets by noon. But it's a telling sign of football cultu...
A List Of Baby Names Better Than "Krimson Tyde"
A couple in Alabama named their newborn boy "Krimson Tyde." In case you couldn't figure it out from their kid's name, they're big Bama fans....
Lane Kiffin In Tuscaloosa Bar Strikes Fear In The Hearts Of 'Bama Fans
Reader Daniel sends along this picture, noting it was supposedly taken in a Tuscaloosa bar after Nick Saban invited the oft-fired coach to evaluate the Crimson Tide offense the previous week. Sabes said the invite was just for his own edification, he admires Lane's offensive prowess, but the invite—...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. [Note: Headline has ...
Angry Alabama Fan Drops The Best Burn On Colin Cowherd
Paul Finebaum welcomed ESPN radio personality and rat-faced gasbag Colin Cowherd onto his radio show yesterday, and the two did some chatting about Auburn's stunning win over Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Cowherd apparently had some not-nice things to say about Alabama during his segment. Big mistake, C...
Andrea Bargnani Takes One Of The Stupidest Shots In NBA History
This is why the Knicks are the Knicks....
Get Hourly Updates On Which NBA Team Is Tanking The Best
For fans of shitty NBA teams, the 2013 season is about little more than which team can manage to suck the hardest for a chance to draft Andrew Wiggins or Jabari Parker. Thankfully for those fans, TankingForWiggins.com exists....
Nick Saban Will Not Be Replacing Mack Brown At Texas
Nick Saban and Alabama have agreed on a contract extension and Kirk Herbstreit broke the news. All that's known at this point is that it is a long-term extension and his base salary will be somewhere between $7 and $7.5 million per year. None of this means anything. ...
No, ESPN Didn't Accidentally Leak Nick Saban As The New Texas Coach
We received this tip about ESPN using an interesting slug for a story about Mack Brown resigning. (The bookmarks bar is blacked out to hide identity.) Did Nick Saban sign a five-year deal to be the new Longhorns coach? Nah. It's fake....
I Think This Means Saban Wants To Have Sex With OSU And MSU
I've got a little sex appeal for both these teams. ...
Poor Mark Ingram Had To Wear Auburn Gear Yesterday
Saints running back Mark Ingram played college ball at Alabama, a team which you may remember losing the Iron Bowl in spectacular fashion to Auburn last week. It looks like Ingram made some kind of bet on the game with one of his teammates, because he showed up to practice yesterday decked out in Au...
Guys Who Prank-Called Bills And Bucs GMs Won't Go To Prison
The two men who set up and recorded a conversation between then-Bills GM Buddy Nix and Buccaneers GM Mark Dominik will likely avoid prison time through an agreement with the government....
Auburn's Field Goal Return Was Even Rarer Than You Think
The insane ending to last week's Iron Bowl had sports fans wondering if any college football game had ever ended in such an improbable fashion. NCAA records show that even in the missed-field-goal-returned-for-touchdown department, Chris Davis's score was especially rare....
The Dumb Iron Bowl Question You Were Afraid To Ask
I watched the Iron Bowl on Saturday and after basking in the glorious HOLYSHIT-ness of it all, I wondered what would happen if you returned a field goal in the middle of a game but failed to bring it all the way to the house. Do you get the ball at the spot you returned it? Or does the ball automa...
'Bama Fan Doesn't Tip Waiter For Being An Auburn Fan
If you happen to find out who this jerk-ass non-tipper is, you are hereby ordered to yell "U Mad?????" right in his face, many times over....
Where Does Verne Lundquist Rank The Iron Bowl All-Time?
Uncle Verne was cagey about this one. He's seen a lot of sports history—more than 50 years of it—and he was understandably wary about trying to contextualize an amazing Alabama-Auburn game just two days later. But Newsday's Neil Best tried to pin him down: what's the greatest sporting event he's eve...