aba Page 69 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cashless Stadiums Are The Next Frontier In Fan Exploitation
The Tampa Bay Rays announced today that they would become the first major American sports team to stop accepting cash at their stadium, forcing fans to either pay via credit card or something called a “Rays card.” This shift is roughly coterminous with their recent decision to eliminate 5,000 of the...
Report: Nick Saban Had No Clue His Assistant Left For A New Job
Nick Saban treats nearly everyone in his life with maximum contempt at all times. His own fans, the media, the college football playoff scheduling committee—everyone is a target for the Alabama head coach when he’s in a pissy mood, which is about 99 percent of the time. Saban rules by fear, and that...
American Teen Amanda Anisimova Rattled A Favorite With A Crazy Winner
Aryna Sabalenka has resting tigress face, and she is apt to pounce on any tennis ball that hasn’t been fired at her at bullet pace. The 20-year-old plays to kill, announcing her intentions with loud, flat force. She was the only player to give Naomi Osaka a good fight at the U.S. Open, she already p...
Maori Davenport Drops 25 Points Hours After Judge Allowed Her To Return To Her High School Team
After an institutional fuck-up prevented her from playing the sport she loves for 16 games over 43 days, Maori Davenport made her triumphant return to the basketball court on Friday night for Charles Henderson High. Needless to say, everyone in the gym that night was pretty hyped she was back—especi...
Maori Davenport, Who Was Screwed Over By USA Basketball's Mistake, Can Play High School Ball For Now
Charles Henderson High School basketball player and Rutgers recruit Maori Davenport can play in her team’s game tonight thanks to an emergency motion by a Pike County Circuit judge. Until today, she had been ineligible for her senior season due to USA Basketball’s fuckup, which was compounded by th...
Jameis Winston-Liker Bruce Arians Will Un-Retire To Coach The Buccaneers
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have landed Bruce Arians as their next head coach, to replace the recently fired Dirk Koetter. The coaching carousel is spinning away: Arians will reportedly bring the recently fired Todd Bowles to Tampa as his defensive coordinator, while Koetter is returning to the Falcons...
What The Hell Was Nick Saban Thinking With That Fake Field Goal?
After spotting Clemson a 15-point lead at the half, Alabama slowly moved the ball down the field on their first possession of the third quarter, taking 12 plays to get to a pivotal fourth-and-6 from the Clemson 22. Bama’s kicker had doinked an extra point in the first half, so Nick Saban faced the d...
Clemson Tigers Roll Tide Up In An Area Rug And Dump Them In A River
Well, that was an ass-whupping. Clemson scored first and kept scoring, and Alabama shot their own butts off, and when it was over—roughly three minutes into the fourth quarter—the Tigers had secured a 44–16 victory over Alabama and definitively replaced them as college football’s preeminent powerhou...
Alabama Doinks Kicks Because Nick Saban Is A Weirdo
Alabama opened the second half of tonight’s national championship game down 15 points to Clemson. It should’ve been 14 points, but kicker Joseph Bulovas missed the extra point after Alabama’s second touchdown, and Clemson has had the lead ever since....
Tua Tagovailoa Throws Two Touchdowns To Two Teams In First Three Minutes Of National Championship Game
Tonight’s national championship game got off to a hot start—or, anyway, it got off to a hot start after Clemson ran through a jittery three-and-out on the game’s opening possession. Following Clemson’s punt, two quick rhythm completions had Alabama in business near midfield, but Tua Tagovailoa teleg...
Rays Announce They're Getting Rid Of Their Cheapest Seats
The Tampa Bay Rays’ attendance issues are well-documented. So that’s likely to be the most prominent framing for stories about the team’s announcement today of an offseason stadium renovation that will reduce seating capacity by more than 5,000. And, sure, that’s embarrassing, but Rays ownership wou...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
Alabama Did What Alabama Does To Oklahoma
In Saturday’s first 17 minutes of game time, Alabama reeled off 28 straight points to knock down Oklahoma before anyone at the Orange Bowl had a chance to buy a second beer. That early lead proved to be the cushion Alabama needed to coast to an easy, if not entirely calm, victory in Miami. The final...
Alabama Football Player Stops Himself From Saying Something Interesting About Kyler Murray
When asked a question about Heisman Trophy winner and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray, Alabama defensive lineman Quinnen Williams almost gave an honest answer in advance of Saturday night’s Orange Bowl....
Tommy Pham Says The Rays Have "Really No Fan Base At All"
Talks with area officials on a potential new stadium fell apart earlier this month, so the Rays are back in their generation-long limbo. Perhaps matters in Oakland are more pressing for MLB, but eventually, something’s going to have to give here—and as Rays outfielder Tommy Pham so brutally but accu...
Andrei Vasilevskiy Was Bug-Eyed With Disbelief At His Own Save
It was maybe not a game you’d have expected much excitement from. The Lightning lead the entire rest of the NHL, by a healthy margin, and haven’t lost in regulation since November. The Flyers, on the other hand, are scraping the bottom of the East and have already canned their coach and GM. But a mi...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
CC Sabathia Got To Curse Out The Rays <i>And</i> Got His $500,000 Bonus
CC Sabathia finished the 2018 regular season six outs shy of a performance bonus in his contract that would have paid him $500,000 for reaching 155 innings. He would have gotten it, had life and Tampa Bay not intervened. In his final start he was rolling through five, having thrown only 55 pitches, ...
This Nightmarish Bulls Season Appears To Be Wearing On Poor Horace Grant
The Bulls lost to the Magic in Mexico City Thursday night, in a game that was mostly uneventful, apart from leading scorer and leadership council member Zach LaVine hearing an ominous pop in his lower leg on a late drive. Some interesting news came after the game, when ESPN reported that Jabari Park...