aba Page 79 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
If Christmas is all about putting stuff up butts, New Year’s Day is the day to read about the many methods of absolute destruction of America’s dick and balls, and to be thankful it wasn’t you. Unless it was....
Shabazz Napier Had One Of The Sickest Assists Of The Year
The Trail Blazers made a very impressive comeback against the 76ers tonight, starting the fourth quarter down 13 and finishing it as the victors, 114-110. In that final quarter, no one in Portland made a more amazing play than Shabazz Napier. With his team up four, Napier drove, drew two defenders, ...
Nikita Kucherov And Steven Stamkos Have Beautiful Chemistry<em></em>
Tampa Bay Lightning scorers Nikita Kucherov and Steven Stamkos have only been teammates since 2013, but at the end of the second period tonight against Montreal, the pair showed off the communication skills of a longtime married couple. As the Lightning pushed the puck down deep in the Canadiens’ zo...
Penn Scores 100 Points, Wins Fans Free Cheesesteaks
Penn achieved culinary satisfaction last night....
Report: Car Registered To DeSean Jackson Found Wrecked, Abandoned On Christmas Eve
A car registered to Buccaneers wide receiver DeSean Jackson was found abandoned on Sunday night in Tampa, Fla., according to a police report reviewed by NFL.com. The car, a Chevrolet Silverado, at some point struck a tree, and inside police found a misdemeanor-level amount of marijuana and two legal...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
If it’s Christmas, it must be time to learn what America shoved inside itself. The only worthwhile holiday tradition pushes on....
Jameis Winston Melts Down After Panthers Comeback
Cam Newton scored a touchdown with 35 seconds left to push the Panthers past the Buccaneers, 22-19. On the ensuing drive, Jameis Winston fumbled on the first play after a sack from Kawann Short. Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers recovered. That’s when things got messy....
Rays Trade Away Face Of The Franchise For Bad Reasons
Various baseball insiders are reporting that the stove is hot this morning. Rays third baseman Evan Longoria has been shipped to the Giants in exchange for Denard Span and some other stuff:...
The Golden Knights Are The Best Story In Hockey
If you thought a December game between the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Vegas Golden Knights would end up pitting two of the NHL’s best teams, and would be one of the most exciting games of the season, you’re a fucking liar, get off my website, we don’t like liars here. If you’re as baffled by Vegas’...
NFL Official Eats It; Bucs Lose
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers lost 24-21 to the Atlanta Falcons tonight when Patrick Murray missed a possible game-tying 54-yard field goal as time expired. The Bucs spiked the ball on the play before to stop the clock with six seconds left, but they would’ve had a few more had the official bringing the ...
![Bucs LB Adarius Glanton Carted Off After Gross Leg Break [Graphic]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/xeplnsl9b9ewr3r7axtn.jpg)
Bucs LB Adarius Glanton Carted Off After Gross Leg Break [Graphic]
The Buccaneers have lost player after player to injuries tonight, and the unlucky victim of the worst-looking one was linebacker Adarius Glanton. While blitzing Matt Ryan, Glanton collided with Robert Ayers and appeared to break his left leg falling to the ground....
CC Sabathia Returning To Yankees To Complete "Unfinished Business"
C.C. Sabathia’s free agency presumably got a lot simpler after the Yankees, who came achingly close to advancing to the World Series back in October, went out and snagged the reigning National League MVP. To absolutely no one’s great surprise, Sabathia would prefer to spend his age-38 season getting...
Chicharito And Pablo Zabaleta Crack Each Other Up With Jokes They Don't Understand
For evidence of the contagious nature of laughter, just watch this video of Spanish-speaking West Ham players Javier Hernández and Pablo Zabaleta telling each other pun-heavy jokes in English. Note how they and you, the viewer, melt into giggly puddles even though they very clearly don’t have the sl...
Jalen Brunson Broke Temple, Again
PHILADELPHIA — Temple was on a run, and the Liacouras Center was rocking. It was a big game. Villanova came into North Philly last night as the No. 1 team in the nation. The Wildcats had won 21 consecutive Big 5 games—an unprecedented streak in Philly hoops history....
Warren Sapp Defends Himself Against Sexual Harassment Allegations By Posting Photo Of Vibrator<em></em>
Warren Sapp was among the NFL Network employees accused of sexual harassment in Jami Cantor’s wrongful termination lawsuit against NFL Network. The Hall of Famer (who was fired by the network in 2015 after a solicitation arrest) made Cantor watch him urinate and gave her sex toys as presents, accord...
"They're Not Gonna Keep 'Em Off The Field Tonight!"
Just go with it: ...
This Ref’s Exaggerated Traveling Call Is So Great
Syracuse beat UConn in the second game of the Jimmy V Classic last night. ‘Cuse dominated for pretty much the entire game, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t good highlights....
Alabama Beats Out Ohio State For Final College Football Playoff Slot
The first three teams announced for the college football playoff were no surprise. Clemson was number one, after their savage beatdown of Miami last night, and they were followed by Big 12 champion Oklahoma and SEC champs Georgia, who will play each other in the Rose Bowl....
Report: Tennessee Football Gives Up Completely, Hauls Greg Schiano Out Of The Dumpster<em></em>
The Tennessee Volunteers just finished their worst season—at least by total wins—since 1977, going 4-8 with zero victories in SEC play. Naturally, this meant that head coach Butch Jones was out on his ass before the season even ended, replaced by interim coach and Michigan failure Brady Hoke. But wi...
Auburn Beats Top-Ranked Alabama
The Auburn Tigers earned their biggest win in almost exactly four years this afternoon at Jordan-Hare Stadium, defeating Alabama in the Iron Bowl with a comprehensive performance ending in a 26-14 win....