abe Page 21 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jayson Werth Has Me Feeling Nostalgic For The Sabermetric Wars
After 15 seasons as a big leaguer, Jayson Werth is out of baseball this year, which has given the 39-year-old an opportunity to pick up a couple of age-appropriate hobbies: reliving past glories in pick-up games, and hating on the newly powerful generation directly behind his. In Werth’s case, his q...
Iranian Goalie Who Exposed Ronaldo As A Fraud Went From Being A Homeless Runaway To The World Freaking Cup
Portugal was denied the full three points in their 1-1 draw against Iran today, thanks in massive part to a save from Iranian goalkeeper Alireza Beiranvand on a Cristiano Ronaldo penalty kick. Ronaldo, who failed to score today, was newly exposed as a massive fraud when his attempt at a powerful sho...
Here's An Anecdote That Perfectly Encapsulates The Stupid Marriage Of Silicon Valley And The Rest Of Corporate America
Throughout Bad Blood, John Carreyrou’s excellent new book about fraudulent blood-testing company Theranos and its founder Elizabeth Holmes, the $9 billion company keeps running into the same problem: would-be investors or retailers want to see a demonstration of its technology. This is an issue for ...
A Convicted Doper Won $10,000 In A Race Created By A Reality TV Star Who Forgot To Implement Drug Testing
Gabe Grunewald is one of the most inspiring and upsetting stories in sports right now—at just 31 years old, her running career has been interrupted by cancer three times, in 2009, 2011, and 2016. In 2017 she somehow raced a partial schedule through the U.S. championships while undergoing chemotherap...
This Quirk Of Baseball Strategy Is Infuriating
A consistently reliable rule of baseball is that the closer your runners are to home plate, the better chance you have of scoring in a given inning. But what if this isn’t always true? Bear with me on this one....
You Can't Bully These Motherfuckers
When I write that CNN politics writer Chris Cillizza is the rankest assbrain in the Western Hemisphere, I am not being nice to him. When I write that God clowned Chris Cillizza before he was born by making him Chris Cillizza instead of a shit-eating maggot, I am being unkind. When I say that Chris C...
M'Lady, May I Remind You Of The Third Time Through The Order Penalty?
Nice fedora, Kap....
The Tale Of Gabe Kapler's Bizarre Ice Cream Habit<em></em> Is Actually Even Weirder
It’s too early in the baseball season to make any meaningful judgments about the strength of any teams, but one takeaway from the first couple of weeks is that rookie Phillies manager Gabe Kapler is one of a kind....
Six Games In, Everyone Already Hates Gabe Kapler
On Thursday, the Phillies won their home opener for the first time since 2011. They did so easily, in a 5-0 win over the Marlins where Miami had just four baserunners. The game even ended in 3 hours, 3 minutes. Pretty quick for a game where the Phillies saw 177 pitches! It was a great day at the bal...
What Did Gabe Kapler Fuck Up This Time?
Phillies manager Gabe Kapler had a hell of a first week on the job. First he mismanaged the bullpen to the point that he needed to put a position player on the mound just a few games into the season, and then he tried to make a pitching change before anyone had been given a chance to warm up. The se...
Gabe Kapler's Cosmic Brain Is Putting The Phillies In Some Tough Spots
Gabe Kapler, new manager of the Philadelphia Phillies, is having a weird time. It’s too early to call it a hard time, and probably too early for any firm pronouncements about his fit as a manager, but things are for sure going in strange directions. Through three games Kapler has already spent more ...
![Man Caught Jerking Off In The Stands During Bundesliga Match [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/qtse1zbtvamzot6witft.jpg)
Man Caught Jerking Off In The Stands During Bundesliga Match [NSFW]
Schalke hosted Hertha Berlin in a Bundesliga match this past Saturday. The match featured one goal, one yellow card, and one Hertha fan calmly stroking his dick in front of god and everyone in the middle of the stands:...
Elizabeth Swaney's Dad Is Proud Of Her
Through hard work and a series of gaping loopholes, Elizabeth Swaney managed to qualify for the Hungarian Olympic ski team despite having little skiing ability. When she coasted down the half pipe earlier this week and did no tricks, confused people everywhere hailed her as either the grifter of all...
Elizabeth Swaney's Multi-Sport Journey To Pyeongchang
Hungarian (sort-of) skier Elizabeth Swaney is now infamous around the world, after her big turn at the Olympics involved her just sort of sliding down the ski halfpipe and getting a cumulative three feet or so of air. She finished dead last of the 24 competitors by a comfortable margin, but that doe...
The Winter Olympics Feature 2,951 Of The World’s Greatest Athletes, And Also This Woman<em></em><em></em>
There’s a premise built into the structure of the Olympics that pretty much every single Olympian, even those far down the standings, are elite athletes at the top of their game performing at a level most fans could only dream of. Freestyle skier Elizabeth Swaney is an affront to this notion, and he...
Rafael Barba Was <i>Law & Order: SVU</i>’s Best ADA, Fight Me
At the end of his first-ever appearance as Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba on the 14th season of Law & Order: SVU, actor Raúl Esparza takes off his leather belt, hands it to a defendant in the jury box, and asks him to choke him with it....
Please Enjoy "The Joy Of Christmas," The Greatest, Goofiest Christmas Album Ever Made
Tastefulness. It has no place when celebrating the holiday season, but some people just can’t fucking help themselves. Look at this Spotify playlist:...
Major League Baseball's Statcast Can Break Sabermetrics
“On a historical basis, a decade from now, we’ll be looking back saying, ‘That was the highest route efficiency that’s ever been captured in baseball.’”...
Howard Eskin Is Very Upset That New Phillies Manager Gabe Kapler Masturbates
The Phillies held a press conference today to introduce Gabe Kapler as the team’s new manager. It was Kapler’s first time speaking to the assembled Philadelphia media, and he got a good introduction into a major part of his new job....
Gabe Kapler Is A Good Baseball Mind, But A Better Blogger
The Philadelphia Phillies announced today that former MLB player Gabe Kapler will be their new manager, leaving his spot as director of player development for the Dodgers to do so. It’s unclear what this will mean for his other gig, writing about health and fitness (and occasionally other topics) as...