ac Page 1067 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Dodgers Hired A Wizard, For Six Figures, To Send Good Vibes
Frank and Jamie McCourt, those feudin' and fussin' co-owners and estranged spouses, spent good money — really good money — on an elderly man who sat at home in Boston, watched Dodgers games on TV, and sent positive energy....

Last Night's Winner: The Team That Won The Stanley Cup, Duh
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Chicago Blackhawks and Rocky Wirtz, who needed just three years to undo what Dollar Bill Wirtz spent 40 years screwing up....

Report: USC Football Gets 2-Year Bowl Ban
It only took six years, but USC is finally getting called to the NCAA principal's office. Postseason ban, loss of scholarships, games and possibly that 2004 national title. You know, now sounds like an excellent time to join the Pac-10....

Chicago Blackhawks Win The Stanley Cup
It's over. Patrick Kane wins it for the Blackhawks with a "secret" goal in OT. Good for him. (Update: Now with bonus video of Jeremy Roenick's tears.) [NHL.com]...

Last Call For Hockey? (a.k.a., The Cup Is In The Building)
Wait, a second....sports on NBC....on a school night? My stars! Let's hope it's not the last time. Unless you're a Blackhawks fans, in which, I don't care for your kind. (Why do I say things like?! So rude.)...

Now The Stanley Cup Finals Is For Serious
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Angry, Fan-Punching Mexican Wrestler Of The Week: This Guy
A luchadore's mask is very important. You can understand why La Parka punched this fan who tried to unmask him. After the fight, La Parka returned to his ancestral home: the cover of that one Offspring album. H/T The Masked Man....

Charges Unlikely In Packers Sexual Assault Allegations
Police investigating the Packers sexual assault case will turn their findings over to the DA tomorrow, but the AP is reporting that they will not recommend charges for anyone. It's still a good idea to avoid Wisconsin Dells strip clubs....

Drosselmeyer Wins The Belmont Stakes
Yes, it only lasts two-and-a-half minutes, but that's what makes it such an ideal candidate for real-time updating! I'll only be writing about the race itself, so we'll be out of here in no time....

Police Investigate Possible Sexual Assault At Green Bay Packers Party (UPDATE)
Seven Green Bay Packers were found at a rented condo where two women told police they were assaulted on Saturday morning. Six of the players were cleared, but one unnamed player is still under investigation....

"It Looked Like A Butterflied Shrimp": A Cutman's Tour Of 12 Terrible Fight Wounds
We've already posted an ode to boxing's bleeders. Let us now look at the blood itself. We ask Jacob "Stitch" Duran, an elite cutman who's worked many thousands of bouts, to share a few memories of the foulest gashes he's ever plugged....

Oh, Good. Philadelphia Is Back
Vice-President Joe Biden takes in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals, along with a plastic mold of what appears to be his own head, as Philadelphia claws its way back to a 2-2 series tie. Never surrender....

Private Stache: Cassius Clay Has Blood On His Hands
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Last Night's Winner: Buddy Comedies
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the movie-going public that was treated to a hilarious preview of "Grown Ups" last night. If only all that basketball hadn't been in the way....

Premiership Team Unveils New Uniform Via Terrified Forced Striptease
Everton premiered their new away kit by having midfielder Jack Rodwell strip down to it. The backdrop, music and his expression make it look nothing so much like he's been sold into sex slavery....

Here's The Awesome Catch No One Is Talking About Today
In the top of the ninth of Armando Galarraga's fairly routine, ho-hum, complete-game one-hitter, Mark Grudzielanek smacked a ball deep to left-center. Austin Jackson was there with a Willie Mays impression, and history was preserved for Jim Joyce to fuck up. [MLB]...

Blackhawk Fans Do Not Handle Rejection Well
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Don't Be Afraid To Talk About Hockey
Will the Flyers make this a series or humbly submit to the overwhelming power of Antti Niemi? Would you rather see Philly humiliated or Chicago twisting in the wind? A tough call, but try to focus on the hockey. [AP]...

Blood Writes: "Hockey Stick To The Face"
Kinda wuss (only 20 stitches), but here you go…— Tom...

Pittsburgh Seeks Brave, Able-Bodied Young People For Controlled Toilet Flushing
Are you over 18 and a fan of coordinated, group activities? The Pittsburgh Penguins would like 250 "students" to flush all the toilets at the newly constructed Consol Energy Center. In other news, Western Pennsylvania now runs on toilet news....