ac Page 1089 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

A-Rod Finally Worth $252 Million To The Texas Rangers
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Another Goofy Slavic Baller Plays Way Out Of His League
Sasha Vujacic and Maria Sharapova are engaged, he announced last night. I bet Vujacic and Marko Jaric just high five each other and giggle constantly. [AP]...

Bleacher Report Editors Demand Bleacher Report Writers Be Less Retarded
If you are one of those unlucky sports fans who has to slog through Bleacher Report's Google-raping SEO "stories" when you do a general news search for a topic about an athlete, team, or topseventeensidelinereportersthechileancoalminersshouldhavesexwith, this is great news....

The University Of Nebraska Is Now Auctioning Off Game-Worn Jerseys For Profit
The Cornhuskers' official online auction website has about 158 jerseys up for bidding, all from their October 16 loss to Texas. Opening bids start at $250. I wonder how Georgia's A.J. Green feels about this....

Ever Wonder What It's Like When The Police Get You Stoned And Make You Drive Around?
But, you know, without living in some crazy, entrapment-filled police state? I hadn't either, but thankfully LA Times columnist Steve Lopez got to smoke some dank shit from some CHiPs—ha, chips—officers and then drive around for his and our amusement....

AC Milan-Real Madrid Match Interrupted With Fan On The Field Zaniness
Infamous pitch invader Jimmy Jump—not to be confused with the Laurence Fishburne chraracter from the Schooly D-heavy King of New York—claimed another scalp last night during the titanic clash between AC Milan and Real Madrid in the Champions League....

No, ESPN Did Not Tell The MNF Coaches To Take Timeouts (UPDATE)
Paranoia swept the blogosphere this morning, as word spread like wildfire that ESPN had told the Jaguars and Titans to use their timeouts at the end of a blowout to get more commercial breaks. Great story. Too bad it's not true....

Last Night's Winner: None More Black (Quarterbacks)
After Vince Young and David Garrard exited with injuries, week 6 saw only three black QBs finish the game for their team — easily the lowest number since people started noting this sort of thing. Maybe Rush Limbaugh is last night's winner....

With $110 Million Settlement, Elin Nordegren Can Finally Replace That Busted Car Window
Elin Nordegren reportedly received $110 million in her divorce settlement. That's 11 times more than No. 1 mistress Rachel Uchitel received from No. 2 golfer Tiger Woods. In a just world, it would have been 17 times more. Or 19?...

Does Carl Pavano Own The Year's Best Mustache?
Pavano, Kevin Johnson, Jim Joyce and UTEP Mascot Paydirt Pete are the sports world's representatives among the Robert Goulet Mustache American Of The Year nominees. Mike Cooper deserves a lifetime achievement award. [AMI]...

Bo Pelini Is Pissed In Both Senses Of The Word
Please cast your eyes to the crotch of Coach's pants, which appear to be running a spread offense of their own. [ESPN, H/T Bryan C.]...

Weekend Winner: The New Human Cockfighting
DeSean Jackson has memory loss. Dunta Robinson sustained a head injury of his own. Zack Follett got carted off the field and was in bad enough shape that the fact that he could feel his extremities counted as great news....

Junior Seau Drives Off Cliff After Being Arrested
Junior Seau was arrested for domestic violence last night. Following his release, he drove his SUV off a cliff in Carlsbad, California. Now he's in the hospital. TMZ has a picture of the car. This story sounds...odd [PFT]...

Coach Would Rather Players Sleep Around Than Drink After Games
Roberto Mancini has made Eastlands the new preferred destination for football's top womanizers, after ordering his Manchester City players to put down their pint glasses and instead wrap their hands around a nice pert boob....

Samuel Eto'o Beats Stupid Italian Racists 1-0
Oh look, a match in Italy between Cagliari and Inter Milan was temporarily stopped so stadium personnel could get a handle on a bunch of racist chanting aimed at Inter's Samuel Eto'o....

Let's Talk About How Being Comatose Feels
As you may have seen on Gawker yesterday, MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge host TJ Lavin took a terrible spill at a BMX event in Vegas on Thursday and is now in a medically induced coma....

Here's The Last Picture Taken Of A Former President Before Nolan Ryan Turned On Him With Arms Named "Power" and "Glory"
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Stereotypical Laxer Is Not At All Stereotypical, Says Stereotypically Annoying <em>New York Times</em> Story
Yesterday's NYT slobjob of professional laxer Paul Rabil argues that he represents "a different way to think about lacrosse players." He's a big shaggy-haired white dude who went to an all-boys Catholic school in Maryland. Wow, what a brogue....

Australian Team Accused Of Chucking Washing Machine Out Of Window
Solidifying their place as the badasses of international competition, the Australian Commonwealth Games team vandalized a room and threw a washing machine out of an 8th story window at the athletes' village....