ac Page 1133 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

I-Team Report: Jeff Samardzija May Or May Not Have Attempted To Sex Ladies
Believe it or not, we actually have some updates about Cubs pitcher Jeff Samardzija's "sad" Daytona past. And if they are to believed...well, they're pretty boring. Hey, that's just how (some) investigative journalism gets done....

Sausage Race Nearly Ends In Vehicular Manslaughter
Milwaukee's annual Opening Day Beef Tube Relay Race took a hilarious, nearly tragic turn when the Italian sausage was almost run over by its police escort. When did Randall Simon become a cop? [Last Angry Fan; video via]...

<em>The New Yorker</em> Makes Highbrow Blogger-In-Basement Joke You'll Set Aside But Never Get Around To Reading (UPDATE)
Ben McGrath takes up the slumming-dandy-goes-to-a-ballgame mantle from Roger Angell (who should be filing his account of the 2003 World Series any day now) and manages not only to name-check this humble site but let drop the bonnest of mots:...

How Did Jeff Samardzija Spend His Daytona Nights?
Jeff Samardzija's Major League Baseball career has been less than stellar (2010 ERA: 108.00!), but if sponsored internet smack is to be believed, his minor league career (specifically, the "off the field late night activities" part) was quite interesting indeed....

Tiger's New Lady, Raychel Coudriet, In Photos. Maybe.
According to this website, these may be photos of Tiger's latest young lassie to come forward. Also, The Post has fun texts from Tiger to her: "Are you touching yourself? I want to fuck you."...

After Coal Mine Blast, Writer Asks The Important Question: Would WVU Have Won In The NCAA Final?
Answer: Yes. "The Mountaineers would have taken the emotional hit, confronted the occasion and done everything to prevail." So noted. [Charleston Daily Mail]...

More Like Chad OchoTANGO! Dancing With The Stars Live Blog
Sandwiched betwixt Opening Day and some type of basketball competition lies grown adults dancing for charity the hell of it. Bravissimo!...

With Obama, Even His First Pitch Skews Left
It's an opening day tradition unlike any other: making fun of the president for his horrible ceremonial first pitch....

Giants' Giant Coke Bottle Is A Death Trap
Yet another person is suing the Giants and Coca-Cola after being injured on the slide in the outfield. Let's take a ride through the belly of the beast....

Annoying Flying Fish Slaps Woman In The Face
An influx of Asian carp to the Illinois River has given rise to extreme aerial bowfishing, a niche sport combining speedboats with archery. This is what happens when the fish fight back with some extreme aerial moves of their own....

Jason Whitlock Apparently Getting His Becky On, Via Twitter
This message, in which Very Provocative Columnist Jason Whitlock makes a new friend on the Internet, appeared briefly on Whitlock's twitter feed, only to disappear moments later. Oh, Jason, u sound like a dream, too. [@WhitlockJason, h/t Pete Gaines]...

Letter From Durham: Why You Shouldn't Hate Duke, And Why You Probably Will Anyway
The first game of Duke's season, against UNC-Greensboro on Nov. 13, was broadcast only on Fox Sports South, which meant that my friends up North had to wait another few days to get their initial glimpse of this year's team....

"Dead" Wrestler Of The Week: The Ultimate Warrior
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: The Ultimate Warrior, who according to rumor died in 1991. This is an investigation into that "death." [Update, April 9, 2014: He's dead, accor...

Alabama Couple Ensures Child Can Never Leave The State
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

MMA's War Machine Busts Up Bar, Spits On Cops
Take a heavily tattooed MMA-fighter-cum-porn-actor, who legally changed his name to "War Machine," and it's a surprise we're reporting on his bar brawl instead of reporting on when he doesn't start one....

Your Ferocious Middle-School Volleyball Spike Of The Day
Volleyball Spike Gone Painfully Awry is an underrated sports blooper, frequently ignored while its cousin Football To The Groin is heaped with praise. Thankfully, this kid is here to give us all some perspective. [Today's Big Thing]...

Come Along For The Tweet Parade Then Stay Facebook Friends Forever
We understand that there are plenty of other places many of you enjoy wasting your time on besides here. So we've finally upgraded our once decrepit social media platforms and made them all shiny and new....

"Who Isn't Fighting?" Here's A Better, More Brutal Look At That Lacrosse Brawl
Yesterday, we learned of a ridiculous fight at a lacrosse game. Today, the NLL released a video that shows just how ridiculous that fight was. Some day, they will show this video to schoolchildren to teach them about Darwin. [NLLInsider.com]...

ESPN Claim: John Clayton Does Not Have A Ponytail
A month ago, we got a glimpse of what looked to be the fabled ponytail of John Clayton. Now comes the official denial from ESPN....

Whites-Only Basketball Promoter Still Not A Racist (But Really Is)
The Daily Show does its Daily Show thing on Don "Moose" Lewis, who proves that his "No Black Guys" basketball league isn't racist by accusing the one black guy in the room of not respecting authority and stealing things....