ac Page 1156 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Alcohol Is Not A Performance Enhancer (Especially In Chess)
Vladislav Tkachiev, a French grandmaster by way of Moscow and Kazakhstan, was disqualified from a tournament in India when he fell asleep at the table. To be fair, chess is very boring. And he was drunk....

Jeff Jagodzinski Has Not Had A Good Year
Tampa Bay has not even seen their new offense in real-time competition yet, but they have apparently seen enough to know that it stinks. They fired coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski today, just one week before Opening Day....

<i>Now</i> College Football Season Can Begin
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Winnipeg's Forecast Just Got A Lot Less Rainy
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Tampa Bay Rays Employee Takes It Upon Himself To Keep Playoff Hopes Alive
And the best way to possibly do that is to plant a fake bomb as a "practical joke" in Tropicana Field before the Red Sox series. The Rays are still six games back in the AL Wild Card race. [StPeteTimes]...

Why Your Team Sucks: Miami Dolphins
Some people are fans of the Miami Dolphins. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Miami Dolphins. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Winnipeg Stockpiling Malcontents
Charles Rogers, the original Matt Millen WR bust, will be joining Pac Man in Winnipeg. Since his 2005 release, Rogers has been battling drug addition to return to football. He reportedly still owes the Lions $8.5 Million[PFT]...

Brett Favre's Just A Kid Out There Who Wants To End Your Career
As noted earlier, Brett Favre launched himself in the direction of Eugene Wilson's cruciate ligaments last night — an undeniable prick move that surely no one would chalk up to Favre's oft-cited youthful exuberance. Right?...

No One In Jacksonville Will Be Forced To Watch The Jaguars
Twelve NFL teams could be affected by blackout rules this year—only three teams had blackouts last season—including Jacksonville, where local television may end up broadcasting zero home games. It's still better than living in Tallahassee. [SBJ]...

Thomas Jones Had Some Festive Birthday Party Entertainment
You should see these ladies make balloon animals. It's a sight to behold. [JerseyChaser]...

Adam Jones Heads To Great White North
The Pack-Man, as I will always know him, signed a one-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the CFL. I wonder if NAFTA covers importation of strip club labor. [Canadian Press]...

The Adventures Of Blazer Girl In Bristol
Blazer Girl recently toured ESPN's Bristol compound as part of the network's 30th anniversary celebration. She encountered several strange and frightening plastic creatures. She also encountered the decoy coyotes. Her photos and a full report....

Did Miguel Tejada Tip Pitches In 2001?
The New York Times seems to think he did, only the paper says so in such a mealymouthed and sidelong way that one starts to wonder if something else is going on here....

Colt McCoy Sheds His Third Eyebrow
The grizzly folks at the AMI are none too tickled about the Texas quarterback's fumble, comparing it to a Greek tragedy. Imagine if Tim Tebow, in his corn-fed handsomeness, shaved a mustache. I have. It's called the apocalypse. [AMI]...

Illiterate Hockey Coach Now Writing Canada's Laws
Former NHL coach Jacques Demers—who admitted in 2005 that he is functionally illiterate—was appointed to the Canadian Senate by his buddy Stephen Harper. Eh, nobody reads government bills anyway. [Toronto Star]...

Caster Semenya Getting No Support From The Tranny Athlete Club
When a male-to-female transsexual who went to court for the right to play ladies' tennis says you have no business competing against women, you might be fighting a losing battle. [CBS Sports]...

And This Is When They Fell In Love
I spent part of this morning in Bristol, Connecticut trying to get young Blazer Girl acclimated to the surroundings so she wouldn't be overwhelmed, but she appears to be doing just fine on her own....

Patrick Kane Deprives World Of Potentially Amusing Trial
The Blackhawks forward pleads guilty to disorderly conduct and is ordered to apologize the cab driver he allegedly punched. So this whole sorry mess is behind us. Dang. [Mouthpiece Sports]...

Why Your Team Sucks: Green Bay Packers
Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Hey, You Can't Park That There!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....