ac Page 1193 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We're Going To Wally World!
Someone asked us the other day whether or not our job was stressful. We thought about it for a moment and told them that our job is only stressful when we're not doing it. Doing Deadspin is the most fun thing we do; the only time it stresses us out is when we're away from the computer and terrifie...
This Guy Is Very Excited About Ken Williams' Offseason Moves
It's a Christmas Miracle! Ladies and gentlemen, we present you with the spiritual brother of our friend Mike Cooper ... meet Ryan Drop....
Not Tonight, I Have A Paddock
So it seems that in some cases, that Barbaro slash fiction isn't exactly fiction. Part of us died a little when we read the following, and part of us could not look away. Fortunately, most of the rest of us was out to lunch and didn't see it....
Please Do Not Reveal The Surprise Ending Of The Asian Games
You know that Indian athlete whom you thought had won the women's silver medal in the 800 meters at the Asian Games? The one you kind of have a crush on? Well, how can we put this delicately? She actually keeps her toilet seat in the locked and upright position. Um, she never saw Steel Magnolias, ...
God, The Full Monty, And You
In Western religion, most of us figure that God has already seen us naked on multiple occasions. And he ain't that impressed. Just look at Exodus 19:21 for proof: "And the Lord said unto Moses, Go down, charge the people, lest they break through unto the Lord to gaze, and many of them perish. But ...
When Bobby Comes Marching Home Again Hurrah, Hurrah
It's time we all thought about it: What sort of frenzied, de Gaulle-returns-to-Paris scenario will erupt when Barbaro is finally released from the University of Pennsylvania's New Bolton Center? Although his doctors will not be rushed into issuing a time frame for his withdrawal (hmm, that sounds fa...
What Good Is Having A Younger Brother If You Can't Do This?
We weren't there, but we imagine that this was pretty much every day in the Manning family backyard, circa 1985. The small, helmeted figure, crawling in a stupor after smashing into a large object ... that would be Eli, and it really would explain a lot to current New York Giants fans....
Sick Is A Nice Way Of Saying What We Are
As we continue to try to foster our uneasy peace with the kids at the Barbaro Message Board, we, as a public service, bring you today's great Angry Barbaro Message Boarder Email Of The Day....
Days Of Blunder
In a move that we liken to John Glenn falling out of the teacup ride at Disneyland, NASCAR champion Jimmie Johnson broke his wrist on Friday when he fell out of a golf cart during a celebrity golf tournament in Florida....
News About The Bengals That Doesn't Involve Handcuffs
Yesterday started with some bad (though, really, kind of standard) Bengals news, so let's drop in some good Bengals news today. David Pollack, the rookie linebacker who fractured a vertebra during a September game for the Bengals, had his stabilizing halo removed this week....
Barbaro Denounces Your New Testament
"And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the horse wrapped in a blanket and standing in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward Barbaro.' And that's wha...
Bart Starr Totally Ditched This Chick Back In '66
Imagine, for a moment, that you're Bart Starr, a legendary quarterback, a hero to those who wear processed curds on their head, pretty much an all around prince of the planet. You're 72 years old; you just want to sign your merchandise, make sure your bladder's still working properly and sneak in an...
Nothing More Enraging Than A Buzzsaw Loss
You know, we have to admit, if we were a fan of the St. Louis Rams, or, say, a former USC star who isn't even strong enough right now to make the active roster of the St. Louis Rams, after losing convincingly to the Buzzsaw yesterday, well, we might want to stab someone in the face too....
Watch Your Beer Around Carl Lewis
The first time we ever remember hearing about steroids, as far as we can recollect, was Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson, a guilty finding made all the more hilarious because he's Canadian. (Kind of.) Well, over the weekend, Johnson revealed that he has finally, 18 years later, figured out who famously...
Thank God For Crack
I bet you saw that headline and thought this post was about Michael Irvin, didn't you? But it's not. It's a story about an alligator and a crackead, and just in case things don't go the Gators' way later on today, I'd like to present you this story, where the gator did win. At least for a little whi...
Scoop Jackson And (Someone Else's) Orange Roundie
Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that, oh, Mike Lupica wrote a story for Esquire in which he discussed a concept he had discovered "on the Internet" called "The Ewing Theory." He then wrote a whole 4,000-word piece in which he borrowed heavily from the "Internet concept," but never actually men...
Pac Man Gets His Ride Back
You might remember, about a month ago, when the car belong to Titans defensive back Pac Man Jones went up for a police auction. We wondered then who, in fact, might want a car with the official Pac Man logo stitched into the headrest....
NBA Roundup: Much Ado About Headwear
Notes on Tuesday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Time For The Big Ten To Lose Again
Well, you know the college basketball season is officially upon us with the ritualistic beatdown of the Big Ten at the hands of the ACC starts showing up on ESPN. With the precursor of N.C. State trouncing previously undefeated Michigan already pushing the ACC into a 1-0 lead last night, the ACC is ...
Jake Plummer Has No Qualms About Doing This Again
Everybody has a cross to bear. Some of us were always picked last in kickball and still harbor resentment about it. Some of us have a lifelong fear of spiders, or horses, or, say, snakes. Some of us become never-nudes. We all have to overcome something....