ac Page 1223 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your dog is shampooed by aliens ... • Boxing: Welterweights, Richard "Four Eyes" Gutierrez vs. Jose "Wheezy" Varela, Fort Lauderdale (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN2] • College basketball: Davidson at Winthrop (7 p.m., ET). Free Gold Rush t-shirts to the first 1,000 fans tonight at the Coliseum!...
Obama Gets His Desmond Howard On
As some of you surely saw yesterday, presidential candidate Barack Obama visited Mack Brown and the Texas Longhorns yesterday. We think this picture is pretty awesome. We hope that this inevitably leads to Mitt Romney, when he runs again in four years, hanging out with Keith Van Horn....
Justice Is Blind, Which Accounts For All The Typos
Finally, Barry Bonds has discovered an airtight defense for his upcoming trial on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. Typos! Yep, Bonds' lawyers on Thursday contended that, because the government filed court papers on their client that had at least two typos, that Barry should walk free. Hey...
Media Approval Ratings: Billy Packer
We're getting awfully darned close now to the NCAA tournament business, which means one thing: The return of Billy Packer as the central force in our lives for a month. We know, we know, he broadcasts games throughout the regular season, but it's not until the Tournament that he takes over the voice...
Take Our Mistake, And Make It Yours
Because we attended school (occasionally) at the University of Illinois, most of our old friends are fans of the Chicago Bulls, and it's difficult to overstate how excited they were when they initially signed Ben Wallace. It felt vindicating, the reward for waiting for the first post-Jordan star. T...
Do Not Light A Match Around Manu Ginobili Right Now
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who really wishes that TNT didn't schedule the Thursday night games so far in advance. When not falling asleep during Heat/Rockets games, he can be found blowing off steam at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Flame on! After watching Manu Ginobili score 44 points an...
Let's See Dee Mirich Write A Poem About THIS
I've lived my entire adult life by one simple rule: Never go streaking at the horse races. The comparisons are not flattering, let me tell you....
Phoenix Suns Reveal First Attempts To Clone Shaq
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would use the power of Mighty Science to clone the pet turtle who died when he was 12, and probably Lynda Carter. When he's not fantasizing about a harem of Wonder Woman clones, he can be found manipulating DNA at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • You know, it's a...
NBA All-Star Hangover: Featuring Real Quotes From Real Drunks!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's spent a night here and there praying to The Porcelain God. When he's not sailing the seas with Captain Morgan, he can be found getting intoxicated by the NBA at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • What? Don't try to act like none of you have ever gotten drunk and ...
Other Than That, How Was The Race, Mrs. Lincoln?
New weekend editor Christmas Ape tried out to be one of the guys who run the Presidents Races at Washington Nationals games. Here's how it went....
Like A Botox-Infused Ether Binge... Now With T.O.!
Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm headed to New Orleans for the All-Star madness last weekend. Well, actually, he was there for the Celebrity Game and the D-League All-Star Games. Over the next two days, we'll be telling his tales. Today: The Celebrity Game....
You Got Your Video In My Comments; Peanut Butter In My Chocolate
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week....
The Memphis Tigers Will Not Tolerate Spelling Errors
So here's a stark reminder that even when things are seemingly going perfectly, — as in 25-0 — it can all turn horribly wrong in an instant. As you've no doubt heard by now, Memphis saved its unbeaten season on Saturday with a 79-78 win at UAB; on a three-point play within the final 10 seconds of t...
Blackhawks, Brawls And Brewskies
Since tedious analysis is the stuff of "power rankings," each Monday NHL Closer writer Greg Wyshynski uses a form of universal expression: Success in terms of beer. Before we get to the fury of fists that was Oilers/Canucks, welcome to The Brewmeister Ratings......
Where Meaningless (But Mildly Entertaining) All-Star Games Happen
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who spent most of the weekend wearing Superman pajamas and recreating Dwight Howard's award-winning dunks on a Nerf hoop. When he's not wearing blue tights with little red undies on the outside, he can be found practicing his dunk face at Basketbawful. Enjoy...
"Rugby Ball in the Face" Had a Rugby Ball to the Face
I'm not well versed in the ways of the ruggers, but I know the sound at the beginning of this clip is a tad unsettling, and that this was possibly a mite bit painful....
Not the Greatest Career Swing for Lord Byron
The Falcons yesterday parted ways with seven players, including four-time Pro Bowl tight end Alge Crumpler and quarterback Byron Leftwich, who has capped a rapid descent from starting quarterback to journeyman with an unsure future....
If You Can't Play As The Vikings, Might As Well Ransack Like Them
Having just been alerted by the Mid-Atlantic Hockey League that their season was over at the halfway mark, the Jamestown Vikings decided that they were still vikings after all and proved as much by trashing the historic Viking Lodge in Jamestown, NY....
Media Approval Ratings: Linda Cohn
In that book thing we just wrote, we referred to Linda Cohn as "competent, and seemingly pregnant every three months." We're not sure that's true anymore, but it really did seem like that for a while, didn't it? Every time you turned on "SportsCenter," there was Linda Cohn, all preggers again. We re...
A Very NBA Valentine's Day
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's got a sinus infection right now, so don't expect any miracles today, okay? When he's not hacking up globs of stuff that look like they could be used as monster blood in an Alien versus Predator movie, he can be found dying a slow, painful death at Bask...