ac Page 1229 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Our On-Site Report From The Ice Bowl
Jack Kukoda is a native of Buffalo, NY and is a writer for the Onion News Network. He lives in New York City now. And he was at the outdoors Sabres-Penguins game yesterday and files this most amusing report....
Child About To Become Somewhat Less Smelly
When we were a kid, we had a T-shirt that said "I Root For Two Teams: The Cardinals And Whoever Plays The Cubs." We found this shirt incredibly clever when we were 10, and we wore it pretty much every other day. But couldn't hold a candle to 11-year-old David Witthoft of Connecticut....
About Last Night
What you missed while officially retiring these words and phrases ... • College football: Tebpwned ... Michigan's 41-35 win over Florida in Capital One Bowl is considered a huge upset, which is why Lloyd Carr won't be coaching anymore. • Tennis: Davenport victorious in return to tournament play in f...
Wade Phillips' Daughter Belly Dances And Reads Sports Blogs
You might remember, back in February, when MJD told you about Cowboys coach Wade Phillips' most attractive daughter. Well, now she's got an acting career. It seems to be going well....
Lakers Come Up A Little Short
Ha, nice shorts! It was 1980s retrospective night at the Staples Center on Sunday, the Lakers stylin' with short shorts, assistant coach Kurt Rambis sporting a fake mustache, and the Laker Girls wearing spandex. No word as to whether Nicholson dropped 25 pounds and came dressed as The Joker. (A tre...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while enjoying a sweet, sweet batch of diamond fudge ... • NFL: Titans at Colts (8:15 p.m., ET). In Sorgi Cleveland trust. [NBC] • College Football: Alabama vs. Colorado in the Independence Bowl (8:00 p.m., ET). Oh, sorry, the PetroSun Independence Bowl. [ESPN] • Movie: The Bourne Supr...
Keep Your Motor Runnin'
The NBA Closer is written by Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or talking in the third person, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast....
How Do You Like 'Dem Apples, Riley?
My Christmas holiday summed up in five words or less: Clementines, Toblerones and beer. No joke. A million thanks to Alphonso Jackson, Nancy K. Kopp and, of course, Rick Chandler for filling in while I was gone. Your 'Body Shop' gift certificates are in the mail. Now, on to the NBA Closer!...
Wait, College Athletes Have Nice Cars?
Anyone who has gone to a university with a prominent sports program can tell you about the experience of seeing one of your player driving a vehicle that you wouldn't think they'd be able to afford. We can all justify it in our brains, hey, they just saved up for it, but we all know better. But do w...
Blog Fight! Blog Fight!
Skeets, who was horribly trampled by adolescent goats while visiting the petting zoo, is still inactive and will be back next week. Today's Closer is written by Rick Chandler, Submersible Operations Coordinator at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution ......
Nick Saban, Dancing Machine
Every Day Should Be Saturday has the video: It's Nick Saban, cutting a proverbial rug at some sort of holiday event. It's like watching a young Travolta, really. It's a lazy holiday Thursday present for you....
Knicks Ready To 'Turn The Page' After Tragic Coach Mauling
Our story so far: Skeets is still under quarantine in a small room at the Canadian border, and will not return to the NBA Closer until next week. Filling in today is Nancy K. Kopp, Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Maryland Retirement and Pension Agency....
SHOTY Final Four: Kige Ramsey Vs. Pac Man Jones
This is it, folks: We're at the Final Four. Look out: There's Billy Packer! Bah! Grrr!...
Top Ten Commenting Memes of 2007 That Should Die In 2008
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week....
In Portland, It's All About The Roy-Bot (And ESPN)
Rick Chandler continues to rock the NBA Closer all this week. Skeets will be back next week, though Rick's doing just fine, we think....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you settle down for a long winter's nap ... • NFL: Denver at San Diego. (8 p.m.) Shanahan looks as close to an elf as you're gonna get. [ESPN] • Movie: How The Grinch Stole Christmas (8 p.m.) They say that Belichick's heart grew three sizes that day. [ABC] • Movie: The Godfather (9 ...
Kyle Orton Takes Step Toward REAL Hall Of Fame
There is some sort of perception that, somehow, we're making fun of Bears quarterback Kyle Orton for his induction in our Hall of Fame. Nothing could be further from the truth. We cheer for Orton full-heartedly and with complete sincerity; it's easy to root for a guy who's obviously having that muc...
Today's Episode: Isiah Has An Epiphany
Skeets is off celebrating Christmas Eve the way that all Canadians do; pantsless and migrating with a herd of elk. So your NBA Closer today is being written by United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson. Do enjoy....
Bears Upset Packers, Their Quarterback Sort Of Helped
A cursory look at the 1 o'clock games led one to make a face comparable to sniffing a plate of expired deli meat. But sometimes expired meat is salvageable, which led to the creation of the hot dog. Similarly, this bundle of games gave us a couple of surprises....
West Virginians Should Get Out Of The Conspiracy Theory Business
There's been a wave of sympathy for Michigan in the past year, and I for one hoped they were going to find a good solid coach from the lower ranks to bring up, like Ohio State did with Jim Tressel. That didn't happen, and my sympathy swung to West Virginia for losing their fabled coach Rich Rodrigue...