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Tiny Girl Catches Giant Catfish, Says Proud Dad
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Jeremy Mayfield Fails Meth Test (Not A Deadspin Classic Post)
NASCAR has been looking for something, anything to get a judge to reinstate Jeremy Mayfield's ban after testing positive for meth. Perhaps testing positive for it again last week will do the trick....

Dear You, Tell Us More About Yourself...
...by completing this fun-filled survey all about YOU. Send the last question to [email protected], thereby entering yourself to win a $300 AMEX gift card. Then we'll take a long walk on the beach together, planning our future while the surf gently laps at our toes. Love, Gawker. [Contest rules app...

Diana Taurasi Was Really, Really Drunk
So says the Phoenix PD. The Mercury guard blew a .17 and was going 55 in a 35 on the night she was pinched. She's pleading not guilty to any and all "extreme" DUI charges. [SI/AP]...

Yes, This Creepy Person Was a Marketing Ploy By Fox
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Road Beef Spreads Love, Disease In England
Hi there, UK readers. I see you there, making up 0.54% of our visitors. Since you're the only ones awake and reading this right now, hopefully you'll heed this warning: I wouldn't sleep with any Premiership players for a while....

Create Your Own Gawker Media Hybrid
Be like thousands of satisfied GizHackSpin users and create your own custom Gawker Hybrid, made possible by Toyota Prius. You can read all of your favorite Gawker titles in one place, based on only the content you want from each. What's your hybrid creation? Try it here »...

A Note From Your Ninjas: Comment Of The Week And Other Things
Oh. Hello there. I didn't see you come in. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in trimming this bonsai tree it's like I'm in a whole other world....

At Least He Won His Old Man's Respect
The baseball field, Turgenev once wrote, is a sacred bonding ground for fathers and sons. And what's bonding if it's not daring your son to sprint across the infield of a minor league ballpark? Visiting him in juvi, maybe....

Drug Mule Puts Cocaine In Golf Clubs, Gets Shafted
Note to aspiring drug smugglers: If you're smuggling blow through an airport by stuffing it inside golf equipment, it helps to know a little something about golf. And no, a "handicap" does not mean you have a limp....

Pedro Martinez: Philadelphia Phillies
Level of excitement had this happened in 2004: 9. Level of excitement in 2009: 4. Still? Number of red Martinez jersey-shirts sold at Modell's over the weekend?: 8,016 [Cherry Hill Courier Post/PHOTO: EveryJoe]...

Broncos Fans Are Thrilled About The Bears New Quarterback
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Report: Unnamed Amorous Ballplayer Plays For Team That Appropriately Doesn't Know How To Score
Onetime declared virgin Jeff Pearlman knows which baseball player was cold mackin' on an intern in Houston recently, but he's not telling. All he'll say is that the ballplayer was — are you ready for this? — a Washington National....

Oh, Donovan, Please Don't Hang Out With Porn Stars At The Pool
It's just Donovan McNabb being polite (and portly) at a topless pool in Vegas this past weekend . And Jayden James, who is/was dating Chuck Liddell (NSFW!), had a run-in with Five. He's a jovial fellow! NOTHING happened. [JaydenJames'BlogNSFWNSFWNSFW]...

Chris Berman And The Home Run Derby: Deadspin I-Team Looks Back, Back, Back, Back
The home run derby is tonight, and phrasemaking teevee personage Chris Berman will surely use this opportunity to deploy his famous "back, etc." home run call. I-Team wondered: How many times has Berman said the word "back" over the years?...

Good Samaritan Gives Tom Brady His Much Needed $4,000
After hearing about the plight of an ex-con, panhandling to re-pay $4,000 to the Patriots' quarterback, a kind businessman has volunteered to pay the debt on his behalf—keeping Tom Brady blissfully unaware that anything has gone wrong....

The "Pacman" Jones Strip Club Shooting Gets Its Warren Report
The Las Vegas Review-Journal has launched a massive three-part investigation into the strip club incident that cost Adam Jones a year of football and another man his ability to walk. Oh, the things we have seen .......

Dear Pixar: Stop Making Me Cry Like A Bitch
I took my three-year-old to see Up the other day. We left after an hour because she didn't want to stick around (Thanks for burning my money, kid). But that hardly mattered....

Deadspin Classic: A Disco Inferno
In an alternate universe, Deadspin's archives would cover the whole scope of human history. Occasionally, we like to revisit those timeless moments that we would have written about, if only we could have. Today: The night disco died....

Even Satan's Minions Love Albert Pujols
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning cra...