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This Man Is An Elite Athlete
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

About Last Night
What you missed while taking your best gal out for a night on the town......

Today In Soccer Or: Deadspin Pub Gets A Special-Use Liquor License
It's been quite some time since someone not named KOGOD or Tuffy discussed the soccer-related events of the day, but the fans of the beautiful game have spoken. Here's what's happening this weekend....

The Montreal Canadiens Need To Find Better Friends
The 100th season of the Montreal hockey club has had ups and downs, but it's not clear yet where "finding out two of your players are mobbed up" falls on the spectrum of season highlights....

The One Where Jamal Anderson Gets Kicked Out Of The Closet Again
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

So TV Writers Do Have A Sense of Humor
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Ryan Howard Feels Chase Utley's Pain
Why does Ryan's batting average go down whenever Chaz gets hit by a pitch? Hang in there, little buddy! [Freakonomics, photo via]...

The NBA Trade Deadline: Well, That Was Pointless
Amar'e Stoudamire. Shaquille O'Neal. Vince Carter. Nate Robinson. Tracy McGrady. None of them are going anywhere. A lot of lesser names and expiring contracts got shuffled around today, but really... nothing changed....

Wanna Get Traded? Punch A Teammate!
NBA teams make trades to build for the future, make a run for the title, or clear salary cap space—but sometimes they just don't want to look at some guy's mug any longer....

Locker Room Horror Stories: Colorado State Edition
Following are excerpts from an anonymous letter sent to school administrators at Colorado State, reporting harassment and abuse allegedly perpetrated by four Rams football players against another student in the men's locker room....

Once Again, Ron Artest Is The Voice Of Reason
When your organization needs a well-known and well-respected community member to speak up on behalf of your cause, you definitely want to go with the guy who is famous for his dangerous instability....

A Brief Chat With The Woman Who Took The Iraq Bills Cheerleader Photos
Julie Dermansky, a freelance photojournalist from New York, is currently embedded with the military in Iraq. She agreed to talk to Deadspin about the experience, which included a photo shoot with the Buffalo Bills Cheerleaders....

He's Six? OK, I'm Impressed
Here's Madin Mohammed, an Algerian-born six-year-old who was given a scholarship by the French Football Federation, and is being called the "new Zidane." He has stated that he won't play for the LA Galaxy. [Fandome]...

Bobcats Overcome Confusing Sign To Beat Pacers
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Ashton Kutcher To Ruin Football For An Entire Generation Of Kids
The "actor" will star in a comedy about "a superstar NFL quarterback and a 12-year-old geek who magically trade bodies, then learn valuable lessons about humility and courage." Sigh. [First Cuts]...

Cole Hamels Should Really Not Let His Wife Speak In Public
The Philadelphia Phillies' ace and his wife, former"Survivor" temptress, Heidi Strobel, have decided to use their good fortune and popularity to add the latest Hollywood accessory to their young family: AIDS orphans....

It's Official: Baseball Is Worse Than Professional Wrestling
Well, that's if you listen to former Minnesota Governor and feather-boa'd wrestler, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who wondered why the Feds aren't going after Bud Selig like they did Vince McMahon....

'Hot Girls In Scary Places' To Change TV As We Know It
Other so-called advancements in civilization — Archimedes' foundations of hydrostatics, Einstein splitting the atom — pale in comparison to this: E! Entertainment has a new TV show in which USC Song Girls investigate paranormal activity....

Unfortunate Ad Placement: Alex Rodriguez Edition
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Yeah, I Guess Somebody Had To Use This Headline
Deuce McAllister cut from Saints; Fox Sports headline writers finally get a chance to be 12-year-olds again. [Fox Sports]...