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Mission Accomplished
So if we're understanding Shaq correctly, the past few NBA MVP awards have been tainted, but being lauded by the current Commander-In-Chief is juuuust fine. No taint there....
Deadspin Field Trip: The AJ Daulerio Going Away Roast
About a month ago, our own AJ Daulerio wrote, in his Cultural Oddsmaker column, that he dreamed of one day having a roast in his honor. Little did he know that the wheels were already in motion for that very thing....
Baseball Season Preview: San Diego Padres
You might remember, from back at the beginning of the NFL season, when we previewed each team by having a writer we liked write about their favorite team....
Ohio State Helps Billy Packer Celebrate His Birthday
The Buckeyes just downed the Badgers 49-48 after Ron Lewis rejected a last second 12-foot attempt by Wisconsin. This was immediately followed by the fans of the #1 team in the country rushing the court....
Vladimir Radmanovic: Good At Telling The Truth, Lousy At Snowboarding
This is so cute. Lakers forward Vladimir Radmanovic going to miss about eight weeks of action because of a separated shoulder, an injury he attributed to slipping on some ice. That wasn't the truth, though. And the nagging pangs of guilt brought on by his dishonesty finally got to be too much for hi...
Week In Review: Gobble...Gobble...Make It Rain
• The week just kept getting worse and worse for Pacman Jones. • Peeing in the backseat of a cop car? Bad idea. • Michael Irvin, ESPN hardly knew ye. • Taking way too long to destroy a mascot. • This is what it has come to: Rocky Balboa is on steroids. • One bad-ass hockey fight. • Tom Brady, procre...
Randy Johnson Would Rather You Didn't Watch 'Music And Lyrics'
Here's an Arizona Diamondbacks newspaper ad, as scanned by Diamondhacks, in which we see an interesting marketing strategy. OK, we're guys, right? Guys like baseball. So if we guys don't stick together and, like, buy Diamondbacks season tickets, our girlfriends might make us go see Because I Said So...
110. Get A Job, Punk.
We saw your last fight, Shawrelle. Spent so much time face down, we thought the canvas had titties....
A Very Brady Ash Wednesday
As was discussed here over the weekend, Tom Brady is going to be a daddy! (We've already got our baby shower gift picked out). It's never our place to judge, but we can't help but wonder how this whole thing is playing at home with the folks. Not only is their son not planning to marry the mom, actr...
Tom Brady's Sperm Is Clutch
Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady have been broken up for a while, but a few months ago, she gave him time to set up in the pocket, and he delivered. Moynahan is pregnant, and the baby, according to various reports, is Tom Brady's. The fetus has already been offered several scholarships....
Week In Review: An Elephant Attacks A Car
• Goodbye, Mr. Schottenheimer. • We do love ourselves some dog show. • This video is what we thought it was, and so much more. • Fat man dancing! Woo! • Jamar Smith is about to go the way of Chief Illiniwek. • It's always fun to play with Craig's List. • Now your "conversations" are with the Associa...
If Jesus Came Back And Saw What's Going On In His Name, He'd Never Stop Throwing Up
A week ago we bought a rifle ... we went to the store, and we bought a rifle! We were gonna, you know, if they told us we had a tumor, we were gonna kill ourselves. The only thing that might have have stopped us is that our parents would be devastated. So, you know, we would have had to shoot them a...
Jon Lieber Has A Big-Ass Truck
We'd like to note that Phillies pitcher Jon Lieber is a real man with a real man's truck....
When Death Will Be Merciful
If your excitement still hasn't died down from the 30,000th "SportsCenter" special earlier this week, you're in luck: Only four more years until SportsCenter 35,000!...
Mustache Love
A fun site is Morristache, the site that dares to celebrate both the glory that is Adam Morrison's mustache, and the mustache in general. One thing bothers us, however. Morristache includes a Hall of Fame section, in which such luminary mustaches as Rollie Fingers and Tom Selleck are included. But, ...
Dan Hawkins REALLY Wants You To Practice More
Colorado Buffaloes head coach Dan Hawkins was hired because he's not the type of guy to lure his players in with strip clubs and booze, unlike his predecessor. We respect that; nobody wants that for college students....
I Guess Sean Taylor Doesn't Watch A Lot Of Pro Bowls
I thought that sort of thing was illegal in Pro Bowls. Defenses aren't allowed to blitz, there are fines for things like running fast, blocking, trying hard, or expressing a desire to compete. I guess Sean Taylor didn't get the memo... he went after Brian Moorman like Moorman stole his ATV....
Wade Phillips Made a Hot Daughter
The Cowboys' hiring of Wade Phillips as their new head coach drew an underwhelming response from the general public. Reactions ranged from yawns to "What the?!" to "At least it's not Norv Turner." There was a distinct lack of enthusiasm or glee....
Week In Review: You Can't HANDLE John Amaechi!
• We welcomed the great Will Blythe to these here parts. • To repeat: We feel bad for this guy's little brother. • A look at Harold Reynolds' contract. • A.J. Daulerio filed his last report from Miami and then took a well-earned vacation. Look out for Stu! • Hello, Santiago! • Ron Zook, kicking your...
Like A Blind Man At An Orgy, We Were Going To Have To Feel Our Way Through
We like our sex the way we play basketball: one on one with as little dribbling as possible....