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We Love Hitmen: No Matter What You Do To Them, You Don't Feel Bad
The night's as hot as hell. It's a lousy room in a lousy part of a lousy town. We're staring at a goddess. She's telling us she wants us. We're not going to waste one more minute wondering how we've gotten this lucky. She smells like angels ought to smell, the perfect woman ... the Goddess. Goldie. ...

Ethan Albright Is In Fact Able To Walk Upright
As Madden 07 obsessives know, Washington Redskins lineman and ginger kid Ethan Albright is the lowest-rated player in the game, with a rating that barely gives him enough aptitude to stand up and walk in something resembling a straight line. We have wondered if Albright knows about this, or cares, a...

So, This One Time, On The Band Bus ...
Nothing can beat the international mystery and intrigue of collegiate marching bands, and the Wisconsin band apparently did something so "boorish and patently offensive" that it can never be spoken of....

Putting Together The Deadspin Care Package
Last week, we announced the creation of The Adam Knox Fund, a little donation thing we set up for the late Adam Knox, the soldier responsible for the famous Ohio Iraq picture and brother of regular Deadspin reader Tom Knox. We wanted to give you an update....

Philadelphia's Day To Shine
On a day they'll talk about in Philadelphia for many years, the legendary lunatics that are Philly sports fans were in rare form yesterday for Terrell Owens' return to the city of liberty. These are our personal favorite four photos of the many we were sent....

Week In Deadspin: Gotta Support The Team!
• GOOOO WILDCATS!!! • Do not playl Madden with these people, ever. • Official Drink Like A Champion garb. • Aren't you glad we brought this video back into your lives? • We just missed Pac Man Jones' shindig. • Anything fun going on in Philadelphia this weekend? • Your gambling days are just about o...

Cultural Oddsmaker: It's Christmas In Philly!
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....

Thank God For The Rain To Wash The Trash Off The Sidewalk
Now we see this clearly. Our whole life is pointed in one direction. There has never been a choice for us....

Oh, It Never Rains In Southern California
"All right Chief, you're our last chance." That's Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest, in which his character, Randall McMurphy, tries to urge a fellow insane asylum inmate to cast the deciding vote so that the ward can watch the Dodgers-Yankees World Series game on TV. That bid failed....

Live Playoff Blog: Padres Vs. Cardinals, Game 2
All right, so after doing this live blog of a Cardinals game thing on Tuesday, it's pretty clear now that our hearts can't take it. It's difficult enough for us to survive watching these games; we can't actually be expected to type about them. Therefore, we're handing over the live-blogging chores t...

Introducing The Adam Knox Fund
Over the last couple of weeks, several readers have suggested sending something to the platoon of the late Adam Knox, the man behind this famous picture from Iraq. Adam, brother of regular Deadspin reader Tom Knox, was killed last month when his patrol came under fire from enemy forces....

The Day After For The 0-1 Teams
One of the joys of writing about sports on the Web is how every day is a little more important than it would be if glimpsed from a wider perspective. Fortunately, during the baseball postseason, there is no wider perspective: Everything matters in every possible moment. (If you don't believe us, ask...

Philadelphia Prepares For Battle ... And It's Never Too Early
Apropos of nothing, we've decided to attach a picture of Donovan McNabb doing shots to this post. Forgive us....

Live Playoff Blog: Padres Vs. Cardinals, Game 1
You know, it's absolutely perverse that we are expected to sit here and live-blog a Cardinals playoff game. How, exactly, does one spell a primal scream of pain? Last year, during the NLCS, we realized that we were literally running back and forth, stomping our feet, howling at the television screen...

Us Against The Music
Little housecleaning matter here: Tomorrow night, right before the Tigers begin securing their 2-0 ALDS lead on the Yankees — sorry — we will be reading things aloud. Using our voice, and perhaps some spackle....

Playoffs Pants Party: Padres Vs. Cardinals
We know there's absolutely no reason to believe the Cardinals belong here, and we know that the Red Sox, the Phillies and the Angels — teams that weren't particularly close to making the playoffs — all had better records. That doesn't mean we still can't be happier the Cardinals are here. October ...

Where My Team Stands: San Diego Padres
If we've learned anything about Octobers the last few years, it's that the month tests, stretches and hones every aspect of loyalty fandom. Typically, we pretty much just tell our friends that we'll see them sometime in November. It's a stressful time....

Grimsley Fingers Clemens, Pettite, Tejada
And not in a good way. The Los Angeles Times is reporting that Clemens, his good pal Andy Pettitte, and Miguel Tejada were among those accused of using performance-enhancers in the Jason Grimsley affidavit. Brian Roberts and Jay Gibbons, too. So much for Clemens getting through his career without ev...

Week In Deadspin: All Terrell, All Carl, All The Time
• Anybody hear any Terrell Owens news this week? • Good night, completely useless, prohibitively expensive and arrogant mobile phone. • Heads up! • That it does, friend, that it does. • We'll never forget you, Janky Spanky. • My Lord, there's a beetle in my brain! • "Thick in the britches." • Not ...

This Is It, Joel: It's Going To Be Gone Soon
Technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss....