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It Just Looks Like A Big Tylenol
Listen, kid: We've been hearing that crap ever since we were at UCLA. We're out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes....
Even Boxers Are Like, "This Dude's Too Violent"
We are not licensed public relations professionals. So maybe we're not in a position to give advice....
Tom Brady Linked To ... Uh ... A Phone Call, We Think
You can forgive Patriots quarterback Tom Brady for wondering this morning, "Jeez, of all the seedy, steroid-infested, slimy illegal gin joints in all the world, I had to walk into his."...
For Those Who Can Handle Sports Radio
As we believe we've mentioned before, we don't listen to sports radio. We feel like we spend enough time around sports pontificators as is; we really don't need funny noises and people with names like "The Fat Guy" or "Dr. RJ Frank Dawg" screaming into microphones to make our sports fan experience m...
Brett Myers' Easily Misinterpreted Punches To The Face
So, remember that Philadelphia minority owner who said Brett Myers' wife was lying when she said he hit her? At the time, he was publicly shushed by the other owners, and now it's easy to see why....
Vince Papale's Wife Doesn't Care About Black People
There are always perils when you make a movie based on the life of a real person. Real life tends to not follow the inspiring storyline. A Beautiful Mind's John Nash might have been anti-Semetic. The heroic bounty hunter in Domino killed herself right before the movie was released. The cute love s...
Make Your Pretend Person Lift Pretend Weights
Obviously, we're as excited about the release of Madden 2007 as anybody else, but we'll confess something: We're not as into the role-playing aspects of the game as some apparently are. We'll play exhibition games against our friends — as the Buzzsaw, of course — and if we're feeling frisky, we'll p...
The Closer: The Day The Bats Stood Still
Notes from a day in baseball:...
Team USA Rolls Lithuania
After a narrow 90-86 escape over Brazil, Team USA got back into their winning habits, cruising to a 111-88 win over Lithuania. Seven USA players scored in double-digits: Caremlo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, Joe Johnson, Kirk Hinrich, Antawn Jamison, and Chris Paul. Lithuanian center Ksistof Lavrinovicius d...
T-Rac Is Probably Not Going To The Pro Bowl This Year
You wouldn't think that the responsibilities of a mascot would be too difficult to handle. Be nice to kids, jump around like an idiot when the home team scores, clutch your chest and act like you're dying when the away team scores, and throw out some cheap-ass team merchandize to fans who will act...
Week In Deadspin: Farney Is Everywhere
• So hello to Ryan Freel's little friend! • We had some fun with Arash Markazi, but it was the dulcet tones of Scott Van Pelt that really won us over. • Yeah, see, things just aren't going well for Mo Clarett. (We can call him "Mo," 'cause we're pals.) • The NFL has a new dude in charge. Nice hair...
That's The Truth, Ruth
Let us tell you the story of "Right Hand, Left Hand." It's a tale of good and evil. Hate: It was with this hand that Cane iced his brother. Love: These five fingers, they go straight to the soul of man. The right hand: the hand of love. The story of life is this: Static. One hand is always fighting ...
Madden Player Ratings Are Out, If You're Into That Type Of Thing
We are just 11 days away from the release of Madden 07, and the fine folks at IGN, for the real diehards out there, have released the rosters and player ratings of everyone in the game. Looking at our Buzzsaw, we see, as usual, two of the three best players are the kicker and the punter....
Franken Friar Is Alive!
Apparently, during their last homestand, the San Diego Padres introduced a new mascot called, inexplicably, "Franken Friar." He's an oversized Friar who dances and flops around and was, uh, brought back from the dead? We're a little confused about that part, actually....
Well, That Answers That Question, Definitively
Remember that idiot who jumped onto the netting behind home plate at Yankee Stadium a year ago, hanging up there and looking like a scared, brittle foal?...
Oxnard Must Be An Entertaining Camp
Few athletes give us more joy, in a "Jeez, look how far this idiot has fallen" type of way, than former Eagles dope Freddie Mitchell. Last time we checked in with him, he was considering offers from Jon Bon Jovi's team in the Arena League....
The Most Famous Buzzsaw Cheerleader
So here's the best story we've heard all day, even though it's only new to us. If any of you out there, like us, religiously watch "The Office" — we even watch the repeats — you're familiar with Phyllis, the portly saleswoman who knits and is happy in love with Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration....
Free Darko, Live On Scene, And Loving Jim Gray
Generally speaking, we think it's silly for online writers — who are the only ones free from the PR/press pass/everybody-play-nice circle jerk of commercialized athletics — to salivate over press passes as if they had, at last, been invited to the ball. But we will make an exception when the folks f...
And Just Like That, The NFL Returns
Hey, everybody, there was football yesterday!...
Real Pro Football Back on NBC
The Eagles play the Raiders tonight, which may be of some interest to fans in Oakland, Philadelphia, and various penitentiaries throughout the nation. But, since preseason football is mostly boring, the debut of interest tonight is that of the NFL on NBC crew....