adequate-man Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How To Drive An Illegal-Ass Car For Years Without Getting Busted
So, maybe your car isn't necessarily legal to drive. You've got expired tags, an expired inspection sticker, and even an expired property tax sticker. Maybe it's been that way for more than a year. And considering your daily commute is an hour each way, in traffic, on major highways, you can practic...
They're Gonna Crucify Me: A Heathen's Guide To Easter
Life gets more complicated and demanding as you become an adult. Children are not expected to know much of anything—or to understand the meaning and significance of stuff, or to buy their own beer—so long as they interact with the world sweetly and cutely, and from time to time throw in an unprom...
How To Get A Chill Cat
So you’ve decided to get a pet. Maybe you’re hankering for some furry companionship to perk up the lonesome evenings. Perhaps you’re attempting to plug an emotional gap in your life by saving some of god’s non-edible creatures. Or maybe you just want to strike back at those people clogging up your I...
How To Make Friends With Other Parents Without Embarrassing Yourself
Hi, new parent. Welcome. So you have a kid now, and you may think sleepless nights and wide-arcing pee hitting you in the eye from an unencumbered baby penis are the worst things you'll face. But you are wrong. There is something else coming that could scare you into living in total obscurity in...
How To Make An Adequate Manhattan
The Adequate Man is almost assuredly a boozer. Most abstainers do so because their sobriety is mandated by either higher-order preoccupations—see Chuck D, Thomas Edison, and Mister Fred Rogers—or legal/medical necessity, as with your cousin Jeff and your other two cousins Jeff....
How To Lift Weights: A Primer In Primacy
Lifting weights should be simple. You go to a place with a bunch of metal and pick it up and put it down until you look like The Incredible Hulk. But weightlifting—like any other worthwhile pursuit—requires study, planning, and care to succeed at, which sucks....
How to Talk To Your New Girlfriend About Your Ex
First and foremost, congratulations on the decision to put your fuck parts together with another person's fuck parts in a more meaningful way than you were putting fuck parts together with others during the abysmal slog through Tinder you've been on since your break-up. Things are probably great: yo...
How To Eat At A Fancy Restaurant As Though You Belong There
I get it. Your favorite restaurant is Big Chuck's Grilled Meat Wagon, parked between The Noodle Truck and The Taco Truck down at the daily lunchtime curbside bazaar of food trucks. Fine. I, too, love Big Chuck's selection of grilled meats. He's got some quality meats down there on the wagon, no one ...
How To Enjoy Twitter Without Working Yourself Into A Frothing Rage
In general, Twitter is superb. I use it for work, and I love it. As with anything, of course, there are minor aspects that'll make you want to spike your phone/computer into the pavement. But there are incredibly simple actions you can take to minimize the amount of Bad Twitter you have to endure....
How to Cash Out Your Change
It's around 3 p.m., and I'm starting to run out of gas. My brain just has no juice. I'm a writer, and I work best in the mornings, so I try to be typing by 7:45 a.m., and with any luck I make it till 4 before the gears start to grind and the works gum up. But not today. Today, by like 3:15, the wo...
How To Bury Your Parents
Your mom is going to die. Your dad is also going to die....
How To Fight Depression
It has been a long goddamn winter. (At least it has here on the Eastern Seaboard of the United States, i.e. the center of the known universe.) If you and your people are anything like me and mine, all your conversations over the past few months have tended towards serious discussions of the end ti...
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sexual Assault And Sports
When I thought my son was old enough to understand the concept of "no means no," I said those exact words to him when he appeared unwilling to back away from a confrontation-in-the-making. This kind of situation arose frequently—the playground, a playdate, just being around his younger sister. "Jo...
How To Eat More (And Better) Fruits And Vegetables So You Don't Die
I live in Boston, which is to say that over the course of the past month or so I, along with millions of disgruntled others, have on more than one occasion found myself snowbound without proper provisions. I went to my local grocer in anticipation of an impending storm—this sounds a lot nicer than i...
How To Score Weed
So you want to score some fresh weed, and you are not fortunate enough to live in one of those states that has made the sensible decision to decriminalize it. Congratulations: You’re cool, and you’ve come to the right place (within the wrong place). It’s not that hard to score bud with the right am...
How to Survive Your First Tech Job
Tech companies make my blood boil. I live in San Francisco, where I'm surrounded by them. What's worse, I'm surrounded by their employees—by droves of social-media strategists and integrated-marketing specialists, by dev-ops leads and database engineers, by bro-grammers. So, so many bro-grammers. ...
How To Get Your Ass Back In Shape, And Keep It There
Now that the New Year's Resolutions crowd has cleared out of the gym, it's time to get down to business. The goal is not to become CrossFit truthers or pot-smoking ultramarathoners, but to simply avoid racking up massive medical bills due to poor health as we continue our slow, inevitable march to...
Video: How To Roll The Perfect Joint
I learned to roll a joint from a nine-and-a-half-fingered Belgian count....
A Squeamish New Dad's Guide To Diapers
In Act of Valor, the 2012 movie where real active-duty Navy SEALs play fictional active-duty Navy SEALs, there's a moment where two elite, hardened warriors are discussing fatherhood, and one of them mentions the scariest thing about it: diapers. If fucking SEALs can't handle diapers, is there any...
How To Tell If You're Being A Crank On The Internet, And How To Stop
Man, you sure are het up! Agitated. Can you believe these goddamn coddled athletes/P.C. Police/Now Finaglin' Cheatriots/Twitter-celebrated pop stars of possibly dubious talent/people talking about the colors on a dress when we haven't even solved all The Problems yet? I mean, cheese and rice! ...