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Chairlift Becomes Possessed By Satan, Wigs The Fuck Out<em></em> If you’ve ever been skiing, you know that falling off the chairlift is everyone’s worst nightmare. Ah, but what if I told you there’s a whole other KIND of worst chairlift nightmare, one in which the chairlift cries out FUCK THIS, shifts into Hard Reverse, and begins depositing skiers onto the bott...

Spoiler-Free Lines From <i>Star Wars: The Force Awakens</i>, Ranked 13. “We’ve got company.” ...

HOLY SHIT MONSTER JELLYFISHThat's the lion's mane jellyfish, which lives in the ocean and can apparently devour cities whole. I had no fucking idea this existed. COMPLETELY CHANGES THE GAME. I'm never going in the ocean again. Ever. I'm afraid to even take a goddamn bath now, lest this thing ooze out of the pipes and eats my ...

In Which We Drink In The Hilarious Naivete Of Red Sox Nation

Michael Schur (aka Ken Tremendous) is smarter and funnier than I'll ever be. That's why I was floored yesterday to see him post this on Twitter:...

Hypospadias And You: An In-Depth Study Of Bong Dick

I live in the DC area and I have a baby boy, so it's only natural that scientists have now discovered that DC drinking water might be deforming baby boy's genitals. WOOHOO!...

Nightmare Fuel From the NHL Playoffs

Holy sweet fucking God! I'm just going to sit here for a minute while appreciating my non-destroyed testicles. Continue after the jump for last night's scores, because we might as well talk about hockey as long as we're here. Oh, and a big thanks to Enrico at the 700 Level for making this the first...

Speeding Tennis Balls To The Nads Are Painful, Scientists Confirm

The now-swollen man named Jason Fields did this in the name of science, which was curious how the heart rate changes while anticipating a frozen rope to the sack. Suffice to say, we need to bump Fields to the absolute top of the national list of people who are in desperate need of being donated a bl...

Canadian PSAs Are Clearly Not Messing Around

The above public service announcement has been running during Hockey Night In Canada on CBC up north. It is definitive proof that Canadians are terrifying. Heavens to Betsy!...