ale Page 268 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A-Rod Has Sexual Urges, Apparently
Remind Alex Rodriguez, once again, why he decided to come to New York? As if matters weren't disastrous enough in The Bronx right now, it appears everybody's favorite sensitive boy has been gallivanting around Toronto with buxom blondes who aren't his wife. We know! We're as shocked as you! A Major ...
A-Rod Digs Deep Within
We were at the Yankees-Red Sox game last night, and noticed something that, finally, someone has clearly pointed out: Alex Rodriguez fiddles with his cup more than anyone else in baseball....
About Last Night ...
What you missed after the knitting accident ... • NHL: Over? Did you say over? Nothing's over until we decide it is! Sabres 3, Senators 2. • NBA: Not many people happy with David Stern right now. Spurs 88, Suns 85. • MLB: John Lackey is the wind beneath our wings. Angels 5, Mariners 0....
Alex Rodriguez, Amateur Urologist
Not to be outdone by the Brewers and their rectal exams, Alex Rodriguez appears to have decided to give Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang a free urological exam in the middle of the game....
ESPN Trots Out The Barbaro Crazies Again
We have enjoyed, in this week of Barbaro remembrance, the new focus on the kind, not-at-all-unbalanced souls who worship at the altar of the great lost champion, the ones we've been following with somewhat concerned fascination over the last year. Without fail, every reporter who talks to the Dee Mi...
Misguided Sports Sartorial Decisions
Just Call Me Juice is doing a clever series in which they ask readers to tell the stories of their most embarrassing, rueful jersey purchases. Unsilent Majority keeps the series going with his gruesome tale of buying a Steve Spurrier Redskins jersey (with the number he wore as a player), though we d...
Alex Rodriguez, Baseball's Savior
White is black, black is white, people ... dogs and cats are living together, mass hysteria. In a scenario that seems so insane that it just might work, can you imagine a planet in which Alex Rodriguez becomes the most beloved player in the game, the savior of the sport we all revere? Rumors And Ran...
The Daily Closer: Alex Rodriguez Still Refuses To Pitch
Notes from a day in baseball:...
Alex Rodriguez Trying To Steal Jeter's Boyfriends
So everyone's all in love with A-Rod again, considering he's the only thing keeping the frayed Yankees even competitive right now — the Yankees are under .500! Head for the hills! — and he's smacking the ball around every stadium like he just knows it's April. But he's not just trying to help himsel...
Whitlock Called Out By His Old Network
So our old pal Jason Whitlock was all over the media last week, transferring his singular brand of bonjangling-calling-out from Scoop Jackson to Al Sharpton. It was his big media moment, and a lot of folks, including ESPN Magazine general manager Keith T. Clinkscales, aren't too happy with him....
The Daily Closer: A-Rod Thinks You May Have Underestimated Him At Some Point
Notes on a day in baseball:...
Operation: Keep A-Rod From Weeping
Tired of all the hatred and cynicism piled upon poor, innocent, sensitive Alex Rodriguez? Wish someone would just cut him a break already? Think the world would be a better place if we could all come together as one and band together behind the man with the purple lipstick?...
Baseball Season Preview: Montreal Expos
One of our favorite in-person baseball memories is watching the Expos play at Olympic Stadium a few years ago. This was back when Omar Minaya was the GM, during that season when he tried to make a mid-summer wild-card run. We saw the second game Bartolo Colon pitched for the 'Spos after his trade. T...
Time To Open The Big Can Of Monkey Whupass
Thankfully, late-night monkey zoo abductions have been virtually stamped out here in the U.S. But in Great Britain, where they are common, monkeys must be ever vigilant. Still smarting from the owl fiasco at the Moscow Zoo, the same gang of thugs apparently decided on a monkey heist for their next c...
Lars, You Scamp...
Ah, the plight of the female sports reporter. If someone's not making a video montage of your ass and putting it on YouTube, than a Norwegian skier is sitting behind you, gesturing that you suck cock. These women deserve raises. Every single one of them....
Kevin McHale Is The Best General Manager In The History Of Sports
Forbes came up with a system to rank all of the general managers currently working in sports. Kevin McHale ranks first. Forbes needs a new system....
Dick Vitale, Not Surprisingly, Can't Figure Out His Phone
It is perhaps not surprising that MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER Dick Vitale would have trouble using basic cellular technology, but it is surprising that Vitale might actually say something off-camera that could be construed as "controversial." Or, for that matter, that he would say anything; we always assum...
A-Rod's Tree Fort Now A Very Lonely Place
Listen son, I know that you were hoping that Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter would someday get back together, so that you and your favorite players would be a family again. But it's just not going to happen. Sometimes, people just grow apart, and there's nothing you can do about it. But both Alex and...
Some Helpful Sports Tips To Surviving Valentine's Day
Well, kids, it's Valentine's Day, which, for sports fans, means a day in the middle of the most barren sports month of the year to come up with tortured analogies and Manning-Chesney jokes. Hey, everybody needs a news peg....