als Page 516 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Roundup: Sad Colts, Happy Bolts
• We'll confess, we were actually kind of rooting for the Colts not to finish 16-0. Not because we have anything against them — we don't, save for maybe a suspicion that Edgerrin James did a guest spot on the seventh floor crew — but because we will never have faith in Tony Dungy and Peyton Chessn...
Clearing The 4 o'clock Table...
• Cleveland 9, Oakland 7. If you watched this one, you're a diehard Browns fan, a diehard Raiders fan, or a person with severe emotional problems, and I'm worried about you. Let's get you some help. • Bengals 41, Detroit 17. Even Chad Johnson knows that it's bad form to celebrate the mundane accom...
FIRE MILLEN
Sorry about the headline, I just felt left out. Everyone else is chanting it or holding a sign. I wanted to join the parade....
Setting The 1 o'clock Table...
• San Diego @ Indianapolis. Today, they settle it once and for all: Manning or Leaf? • Pittsburgh @ Minnesota. It's too bad that Minnesota only plays once today, because Fred Smoot really prefers the doubleheader. Major playoff implications here. • Arizona @ Houston. Because Christmas is a time when...
The Royals' Alphabet Madness
As one of the few people left on the planet who actually brings a scorebook to baseball games — it's actually leather-bound; it is, without a doubt, our most prized possession — we sympathize greatly with the citizens of Kansas City today....
Shuffling Off At Rest, Satiated, With Ray King Finally Gone
Former Cardinals relief pitcher Ray King was traded to the Colorado Rockies last Thursday, for equally useless spare parts Aaron Miles and Larry Bigbie. King had once been a popular Cardinal — his rotund nature is a sure-fire crowd pleaser; after the Cardinals clinched the World Series trip in 200...
Somebody Loan Greg Gall Some Cash For This
Life's tough when you're a former athlete — just ask Prancing Boy Jerry Rice — but thankfully, if you live in Cincinnati, there's always work for Miller, running around and getting people beer....
NFL Roundup: "I Disagree With Your Decision And Shall Protest Thusly"
• It's funny, because if you remember when Guenther Cunningham actually coached the Chiefs, you'd understand that here, he's just giving his unique signal to go for two. • It's like the Chargers suddenly remembered that Marty Schottenheimer's their coach. • Anybody see the new ESPN magazine? (Anyb...
The Weak Have Become Strong
In another sign of an incredibly weak NFC, the Giants, who are supposed to be one of the conference's best, are tied at the half with the Eagles, who are playing without their best 18 players. Ryan Moats has 89 rushing yards and two touchdowns in the first half....
Clearing The 1 o'clock Table...
• Chicago 9, Pittsburgh 21. Remarkably, Minnesota's going to be one game back in the division. They play the Bears in Week 17, too. • Cincinnati 23, Cleveland 20. Shayne Graham hits a field goal at the buzzer to avoid the major upset. Again, Chad Johnson is held out of the endzone. Again, Sunday is ...
Non-Chad Johnson TDs Suck
Instead of fining Chad Johnson for excessive touchdown celebrations, Paul Tagliabue should start fining Bengals who score TDs that aren't named Chad Johnson....
Birds get their claws back
CAW. CAW. Or, you know, whatever kind of a frightening noise a cardinal might make......
The Daily Destruction Of Busch
The saddest thing we've seen all day — and it's not even 11 — is this time lapse progression of the destruction of Busch Stadium, run daily since the last game in October....
We're Sure Bud Selig Is Very Depressed Now
We're always wary of people who are obsessed with Google-bombing — the practice of making sure when you search for, say, "Tom Brady" on Google, you get a link to something like Mexican goat-fisting, or whatever — but some disgruntled Washington, D.C. residents have decided to go after MLB commissi...
NFL Roundup: Bengal Breakthrough
• As Arizona Cardinals fans, we always wonder what the day will be like when, after years of torture, our team finally breaks through and shows they're serious about this whole winning business. It must have been that exciting for Bengals fans yesterday. Realize: A baby born the last time the Beng...
Fe Is The Symbol For Iron. So You Know.
It's a pivotal week for Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson. No, no, not the AFC North-deciding game against the longtime nemesis Steelers at Heinz Field, silly. Johnson has officially raised the bar by proclaiming that he will perform the "best touchdown celebration ever" when he scores against Pi...
Fun With Trade Rumors
We like it when the Internet has something before the Jayson Starks of the world do, so we're gonna run with this, because it's the end of November and not much is more fun than a good trade rumor. According to MLB Trade Rumors, the St. Louis Cardinals are "close" to a "major" move, with sources s...
NFL Roundup: Fore!
• Honestly, what more can you say about Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson? This will almost certainly be a poll later this week, but his "putt the football with the pilon followed by a Tiger Woods fist pump" was, once again, completely inspired. (All it was missing was an awkward high five.) If t...
Greg Gall Free To Stumble Down Street
Fans of America, you can now breathe easier: You can still get shit-faced, run onto the field and slap Carson Palmer on the ass, and you won't have to worry about much time in the clink. A day after a zealous prosecutor threatened to put crazed Bengals "fan" Greg Gall away for 30 days for becomin...
Blogdom's Best: Arizona Cardinals
It might not — yet — have the online fanaticism and cachet of baseball, but the NFL and its fans are starting to catch up in the world of team-devoted blogs. To this end, Deadspin salutes these modem-addled souls and proudly presents Blogdom's Best, given to the most outstanding blog for each NFL ...