animals Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let These Bats Fuck In Peace
Preseason football can feel pointless; enough so that those watching are sometimes compelled to turn to more interesting pursuits. Such as having sex on the field, as these bats did in Saturday night’s Lions-Ravens game, captured by Baltimore Sun photographer Karl Ferron:...
Sheep On The Field!
It’s a sheep! Interrupting a game. It’s there because earlier there was a monkey riding a dog herding it. Don’t ask questions; it’s minor league baseball....
This Tiger Just Wants To Fuck
The Smithsonian National Zoo has brought in Sparky, the Sumatran tiger you see above, for the sole purpose of sexing up “proven breeder” Damai (also a tiger)....
![LA Galaxy Players Hit Pigeon With Ball During Warmups [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/lrpgx7dj6dxju2rxx38o.jpg)
LA Galaxy Players Hit Pigeon With Ball During Warmups [Update]
A routine warmup by LA Galaxy turned into an act of bird violence before the club’s match against NYCFC Saturday....
Golf At The Olympics Will Be Played In A Goddamn Zoo<em></em>
The golf tournament at the Rio Olympics starts next Thursday. This is the first time golf has been at the Olympics since 1904, but stars like Jason Day, Jordan Spieth, and Dustin Johnson will not be there. However, a bunch of capybaras, sloths, and other critters (like mini crocodiles) will....
The Olympics Are For Humans, Not Horses
What is the purpose of the Olympics? For the few thousand bureaucrats who divvy up the Games, give out contracts, and get kickass bribes, it is to enrich themselves. For everyone outside of the corruption apparatus of the Olympics, they are an exhibit of the best sportspeople, playing their sports. ...
Boar Emerges From The Sea, Unleashes Fury Upon Beachgoers
A beautiful dark boar emerged from sea foam and barreled onto the beach, in a vision out of Greek myth....
Brazilian Soldier Shoots Jaguar Dead After Olympic Torch Ceremony
A Brazilian soldier shot a jaguar after an Olympic torch ceremony Monday in Manaus, Amazonas, after the animal got loose and approached him, according to a report from Reuters....
This Bald Eagle Could Have Fucked Up This Canada Goose, But Didn't Because It Is Brutal Yet Merciful
In a wildlife metaphor for Can-Am relations, or perhaps just another instance of nature being awesome, a bald eagle let a Canada goose know it could murder it any time it wants, but merely chooses not to....
What Do You Do When You Stumble Across A Wild Animal In The Park?
Nobody moves to New York City for the wildlife, though pigeon lovers will never bore, and you can witness rats of previously inconceivable sizes and athletic ability. Even the parks, despite all the binocular-clad olds, seem better suited for people- than bird-watching, and it’s likely that you will...
The First 4 Races At Pimlico Killed 2 Horses Today
This fine animal, name of Homeboykris, won the first race at Pimlico today, hit the winner’s circle, and then flat-out died on the way back the barn, probably of a heart attack. He was 9 years old, and has won 15 races in his career. Three races later, in the final turn, a 4-year-old named Pramedya ...
Birds, Ranked
Drew ranked the lamest birds over at GQ.com today, and we’re all fairly pissed at him for turning our work chatroom into a warzone filled with bird takes for a piece he didn’t even publish on this site. (Shout out to Burneko for his all-time terrible opinion, “seagulls are good.”)...
Don't Declaw Your Cat
If you get a cat—and, you should, cats are fine—you should be prepared for them to scratch on everything in your home (except, confoundingly, the scratching post). You can and should combat this by keeping their claws clipped to a safe and sanitary length, just as you do your own nails, or by purcha...
Report: High School Lacrosse Players Killed Guinea Pig In Pregame Ritual
Police are investigating a boys high school lacrosse team in Michigan after players allegedly killed a guinea pig and smeared its blood on their faces before a game....
The Case Against Pets
Let’s talk about pets. They are made for cuddling. They nuzzle and purr and wiggle. They show their cute little bellies, asking for scratches. When we’re blue, they bring comfort. When they act like silly imbeciles, we make videos of them and share their antics with strangers on the internet. Pets g...
Boy, They Sure Killed The Shit Out Of Some Racehorses In England This Week
The Grand National in Liverpool, England, is a horse racing institution nearly 200 years in the making, full of pageantry, glitz, drama, and horses getting killed. That tradition continued this week, when the fortuitously named 33-to-1 shot Rule The World emerged triumphal in the featured race—“a fa...
Report: Lebron Looking For a New Home
Lebron has been out of his element in his present situation, it’s safe to say, and sources say he needs to find a new home....
This Bald Eagle Nest-Cam Is What You Need Right Now
You’re probably spending all day watching streams of the NCAA Tournament, and that’s cool, but it can also get a little tense. I’m here to tell you to take a few breaks to de-stress with the peaceful, majestic livestream of a bald eagle nest in Washington D.C....
Raccoon Cheats Death At Yankees Spring Training
Raccoons are attracted to shiny objects, so it makes sense that this Tampa-area raccoon would choose to attend Yankees spring training. Maybe this is the same raccoon as the one who snuck in two years ago to watch the same team practice at the same field? Perhaps. I think, at this point, the evidenc...