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![Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ysq02t1fnmv0ryalypvi.jpg)
Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]
In their usually fruitless quest to prove they can still compete with the truly elite clubs in world soccer, Manchester United have apparently decided to challenge Bayern Munich for the title of World’s Most Injured Squad. Just a little while ago, the one bright spot during this season of frustratio...

Kobe Bryant Makes Another Fan Look Like An Awkward Schmuck
Kobe Bryant has been a kindler and gentler version of himself during his farewell season, and it’s been a little hard to understand how Kobe could suddenly stop being a vicious, hypercompetitive maniac. I’ve developed a groundbreaking new theory, though, that explains how Kobe’s been able to maintai...


Report: Jae’Sean Tate Re-Aggravated Shoulder Injury While Slapping The Court
Late in the second half of Saturday’s 65-62 victory over Nebraska, Ohio State wing Jae’Sean Tate tried to amp everybody up by repeatedly slapping the court. Unfortunately for him, this resulted Tai Webster blowing by him. And now, to add injury to insult, the floor slapping might’ve cost him his sea...

Dante Fowler Apologizes For Watching Two Women Brawl
Jaguars defensive end Dante Fowler apologized today for his role in a fight between who TMZ describes as his girlfriend and the mother of his child, which was captured on surveillance video footage from the building....

I'm Unsettled By Freddie Freeman's Cat
Freddie Freeman and his wife Chelsea made the drive to Braves spring training yesterday, and they brought along Nala, the chillest cat who ever chilled. Nala is uncomfortably chill....

Holy Smokes, Anthony Davis Just Had The Game Of The Season
Thank God the Pistons kept today’s game against the Pelicans close enough to force Anthony Davis to stay in until the end, because he put forth the best game anyone’s had all NBA season. Young Brow dropped 59 points on 24-for-34 shooting and collected 20 rebounds in 43 minutes of work. That’s the fi...

Cycling Guy Calls Out Other Cycling Guy For Getting Pushed Up A Climb By His Teammates
Cycling is just about wrapping up its preseason; the peloton is scattered across the Middle East, Southern Europe, and anywhere else with vaguely hospitable weather. The Vuelta a Andalucia Ruta Ciclista Del Sol has both too many names for one race, and also a decent crop of riders. Teejay Van Garder...

This Is What It's Like To Watch Kobe Bryant Get His Dislocated Finger Relocated
It was another Lakers loss tonight in Los Angeles, though front-row fans got a special treat as retiring star Kobe Bryant suffered a dislocated finger that was fixed in front of a few supporters—one of whom clearly was displeased by what she saw (or possibly heard). We would be too....

Danny Green Gets Deked By Chris Paul <i>And</i> Dunked On By DeAndre Jordan In One Play
The Spurs lost to the Clippers last night in L.A., 105-86. In typically passive-aggressive Spurs fashion they managed to deflate the game before it happened, holding out Kawhi Leonard with “calf tightness,” so who the hell knows what the result means. Probably nothing. That probably does not make Da...

Jets Coach Paul Maurice Ejected By Laughing Ref
We know now that Lightning defenseman Anton Stralman will not face supplementary discipline for a hit that injured Winnipeg’s Bryan Little in Tampa’s 6-5 shootout win. That won’t make Paul Maurice feel any better—the Jets coach was ejected after yelling at officials over the hit....

Hell Yeah, Boban Marjanovic Got Himself In A Local TV Commercial
If Timofey Mozgov has taught us one thing, it’s that big, oafish centers are a perfect fit for low-budget local commercials. So we’re very pleased to see that Spurs center Boban “Not Some Sort Of Odd Thing” Marjanovic has gotten himself into the game....

Robin van Persie Singing R. Kelly In His Luxurious Van Is What The Good Life Looks Like
Here’s Robin van Persie, proving that the tradition of tunelessly belting out your favorite songs while riding along in cars is a phenomenon that spans the globe. What he lacks in vocal quality he more than makes up for in song choice, lyrical knowledge, and commitment to really going for it. Props....

Russian Soccer Player Trolls Turkish Opponents With Vladimir Putin Shirt
Russia and Turkey aren’t on the best of terms right now, for lots of complicated reasons. Playing off these tensions yesterday was Lokomotiv Moscow’s Dmitri Tarasov, who revealed a Vladimir Putin shirt underneath his jersey during his team’s Europa League match against Turkish club Fenerbahçe....

Red Sox Fan Pleads With Giants Manager Bruce Bochy To Take Back Pablo Sandoval
Pablo Sandoval’s first season with the Red Sox was a horrid disaster. He accrued a career-low .292 on-base percentage, got in trouble for using Instagram in a bathroom during a game, swung at practically anything, and just couldn’t run the bases by the end of the season, forcing the team to shut him...

Jason Pierre-Paul Shares X-Ray Of His Hand
Just in case you thought those images of Jason Pierre-Paul’s right hand, mangled in a fireworks accident, were just a bit of Rick Baker prosthetic magic, nope. Pierre-Paul has changed his avatar on Twitter and Instagram to the above X-ray, and you can see just how fucked up those fingers are....

The Warriors May Have No Bigger Fan Than Gregg Popovich
All-Star Weekend is a good breather from one of the least up-for-grabs NBA seasons in recent memory. If we want to be honest with ourselves, there are only three teams with realistic title hopes. And if we want to be really honest, the Cavs probably can’t hang with the West’s best—there are only two...

They Just Heard Trump Was Talking About 9/11
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Mike Muscala Is Not A Good Rapper
TNT has added a talent show to its NBA All-Star Weekend coverage, and the Atlanta Hawks’ entry came from Mike Muscala, who demonstrated his “skills” on the mic. It was less than impressive....

Report: Panthers DE Kony Ealy Sued For Alleged Puppy Fraud
The Boerboel, a.k.a the South African Mastiff, is one of the biggest dog breeds in the world. Adults can top 200 pounds, and they were bred to guard farms and diamond mines down in South Africa. Look at this huge pup. His head’s the size of a dang Mini Cooper....