ant Page 517 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kobe Bryant Airballs From Siberia As The Lakers Lose by 34
The other day my colleague Albert Burneko worried that Nick Young's return had improbably elevated the Lakers from "gonzo terribleness to bland mediocrity." Worried because the Lakers' spectacular brand of suck has been the most entertaining subplot early in this surprisingly dismal NBA season, and ...
Lil B Confirms Kevin Durant's Injury Caused By The Based God's Curse
Lil B was at MIT last night, giving what The FADER called "a groundbreaking lecture" at the school's Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory. The lecture sounds like it was quite the event, "presenting nuanced observations on workplace efficiency, human empathy, and GMOs," as well as...
Duke Assistant Attempts To Pump Up Team By Losing His Damn Mind
Before Duke took on rival UNC last night, cameras caught undergraduate assistant Chris Hoover getting the Blue Devils pumped up for the big game. That is one amped-ass assistant!...
No One Can Do The "OOH WAH AH AH AH" Part From That Disturbed Song
Even if you despise Disturbed and their chode-rock anthem "Down With the Sickness," you know what it is. And you know the part at the beginning when lead singer David Draiman hoarsely yells, "OOH WAH AH AH AH." After googling the phrase—initially looking for the five-minute "endurance test"—I found ...
Maple Leafs Fans Finish "Star-Spangled Banner" After Mic Cuts Out
Before the Predators blew out the Maple Leafs Tuesday night, the pregame singer's microphone broke. The Toronto crowd picked up where she left off and finished out "The Star-Spangled Banner" strong. Crowds singing national anthems might rank above instrumental national anthems....
Joakim Noah Has No Patience For Your Goddamn Flopping
The Chicago Bulls played without Derrick Rose and Pau Gasol last night, and got rolled by Boogie Cousins and the Kings as a result. They kept it close through the first half, but the game started to slip away from them in the third quarter, at which point Joakim Noah decided that he'd just had it wi...
Why The Lakers' Brand Of Suck Matters
That Nick Young's return to the lineup would coincide with the Lakers' ascent from gonzo terribleness to bland mediocrity fits, really. Both because at every stop in his NBA career Nick Young has done whatever would annoy me the most, but also because "Swaggy P" is the basketball embodiment of a tw...
Giannis Antetokounmpo Has A New Weapon
Giannis Antetokounmpo has been having a quiet but solid year as the Bucks' 6-foot-11 guard-forward hybrid. He's averaging 12 points and six rebounds in 26 minutes per game—good numbers that any 19-year-old in just his second NBA season would be proud of—but what's more impressive is how quickly Ante...
The Chargers Are Still Trying To Hide Philip Rivers's Injury
After Antonio Gates spoke out of class and revealed that his quarterback has been dealing with a "severe rib injury," the Chargers closed ranks. Rivers said he was fine. His coach said he wasn't injured. Gates claimed he had been misquoted. Then, yesterday, Rivers showed up on the injury report with...
Melvin Gordon Could Break The Heisman's Quarterback Streak
Melvin Gordon's record-breaking shitstomping of Nebraska made it clear this season is the best chance a running back has had at the Heisman in years. Gordon's only the second player to reach 1,900 yards through 10 games since 2000. And his yards per attempt are 2.8 yards better than the other back t...
Lemon Asks Alleged Cosby Rape Victim Why She Didn't Bite Off His Dick
Don Lemon gets a lot of deserved criticism around these parts for being a clueless dunce, but his interview tonight on CNN with alleged Bill Cosby rape victim Joan Tarshis took the clownshow to a new level when he asked her why she didn't bite the disgraced comedian's dick off....
Cam Newton's Twitter Got Hacked And Then Suspended
Cam Newton's Twitter account was hacked, which isn't surprising since Cam Newton has a history of struggling with technology. The interesting part was that just when you thought the hack was over, the tweets continued. What a twist....
Black Grantland's Old White Guy To Black People: Do What I Tell You
Yesterday, news dropped that Jason Whitlock was about to make Mike Wise, an oldish white Washington Post columnist and proud champion of liberal causes, his second official "black Grantland" hire. That's interesting not just because of what he is—this is supposed to be a site bursting with young, up...
This Family Is The Worst Thing On Facebook
Perhaps you have had occasion to view a YouTube song video created by a group of healthy-looking white people named "The Holderness Family." Perhaps it was the one in which they perform a version of Snoop Dogg's classic "Gin and Juice" song, fitted to Halloween, titled "Kin and Moose."...
The Funniest Thing In Sports: Kobe Bryant Chucking At Historic Levels
Kobe Bryant shot a combined 16-for-48 in the two ass-kickings the Lakers absorbed over the weekend. Even the bad guys from Rambo III are all, "Jesus, man, that's a lotta terrible shooting." The friggin' Ethyl Higby Charm School doesn't have that many misses....
"Black Grantland" Hires White Hot-Taker Who Whines About Rap Music
So, there's some news today regarding Jason Whitlock's ESPN website, which at least at one point was supposed to be a "black Grantland." First, it's still a thing that is happening. Second, Whitlock's close to signing his second official hire: Washington Post columnist Mike Wise....
The Best NBA Players Win 50 Or More Games By Their Third Year
Outside of the occasional planetary destruction of a Beast Mode run or five-inning save in Game 7, football and baseball don't really lend themselves to pinning a team's wins and losses on a single player. But basketball is a little different. Quarterbacks don't play defense and baseball actually is...
Braves Trade Jason Heyward To The Cardinals
The St. Louis Cardinals announced today that they have traded pitchers Shelby Miller and Tyrell Jenkins to the Atlanta Braves in exchange for outfielder Jason Heyward and pitcher Jordan Walden. ...