ants Page 58 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
God Man, Fuck You Bret Stephens
In case you were busy actually enjoying your weekend, Jordan Peterson celebrity cruise attendant Bret Stephens went ahead and ruined everyone else’s by scribbling out a bunch of racist bumper sticker slogans in the New York Times. And this time, ol’ Bret did so without the veneer of preciousness tha...
Dodgers Organist Has Fun With The Aquatic Feud Between Max Muncy And Madison Bumgarner
When the Giants and Dodgers met earlier this month in San Francisco, the final game of the series was a 1-0 Los Angeles win where infielder Max Muncy irritated Madison Bumgarner by cracking a solo shot deep into the bay. As Muncy rounded the bases, Madison acted like a mad bum, telling the Dodgers h...
Giants' Kevin Pillar Successfully Steals Second With The World's Most Powerful Slide
In the bottom of the seventh, Brewers pitcher Alex Claudio attempted to pick off Giants center fielder Kevin Pillar at first. As Claudio turned to make the throw, Pillar took off for second. Thanks to a lack of urgency from Milwaukee’s Jesus Aguilar, Pillar was able to beat the follow-up throw and s...
Google's Smart Compose Is Shitty And Definitely Evil
Not satisfied with foisting predictive text and Smart Replies upon an unsuspecting public, Google rolled out a new Smart Compose feature for mobile Gmail two months ago that, like your significant other interrupting you, storms right ahead and puts words in your mouth. Like so:...
Madison Bumgarner Gets Roasted To Hell By Max Muncy For Playing Dinger Cop
Madison Bumgarner is a good pitcher and a marvelous baseball player, but what he also is is a great big diaper baby. Few pitchers in all of baseball are as likely as Bumgarner to express their sensitivity to the humiliation of allowing a home run by shouting unwritten code commands at triumphant bat...
Mike Yastrzemski Disappoints Wife While Trying To Get To Second Base
Yet another relative of a Hall of Famer was promoted to the majors this past weekend. Mike Yastrzemski, grandson of Red Sox great Carl Yastrzemski, got the call up to join the dysfunctional Giants on Saturday, where he made his debut against the Diamondbacks. Yastrzemski finally got the first hit of...
Madison Bumgarner And Yasiel Puig Are Making Their Long-Distance Hatred For One Another Still Work
It hasn’t been easy for Madison Bumgarner and Yasiel Puig to continue hating each other as fiercely as they once did now that Puig has moved away to the Midwest. The former in-state proximity between the two players allowed them to share an angry bond built on bat-flipping and batter-beaning. With P...
Derek Holland Blasts Giants Management, Says Team Had Him Fake An Injury
After losing 5-4 to the Reds last night, the San Francisco Giants announced that struggling starter Derek Holland would be headed to the bullpen. That was the second rotation move of the day for San Francisco, who also optioned Dereck Rodriguez before the game. Holland spoke to reporters after the l...
Thomas Ulsrud's Norwegian Team Is Disbanding After 12 Years Of Curling, 10 Years Of Outrageous Pants
The curling team with the pants. That’s all you have to say. The imagery is instant: four grown Scandinavian men and their provocative trousers. It’s quite an accomplishment, especially for a niche Olympic sport....
Pablo Sandoval Smacked A Dinger, Stole A Base, And Pitched A Scoreless Inning
In a briefly bee-infested game against the Reds today, the deeply mediocre San Francisco Giants surrendered 12 runs in the first six innings, at which point they stopped trying and started looking forward to their trip to Colorado. Infielder Pablo Sandoval served as the white flag, pitching the eig...
Giants Release Hype Video Of Daniel Jones Throwing Forward Passes
The Giants drafted Daniel Jones at No. 6 overall because they were horny for him, and they want you to be horny for him, too. Do try to contain yourself as you watch this hype reel:...
Dodgers Fan Keeps Trying To Catch Foul Balls, Keeps Throwing Food All Over The Damn Place
The undisputed highlight of last night’s game between the Dodgers and Giants, which ended up a 2-1 victory for San Francisco, was the two-part slapstick routine that one Dodgers fan performed in the stands, much to the detriment of his wallet, his appetite, and all the people around him....
Mike Francesa Blames Giants Draft Pick For Getting Shot And Bringing Shame To The Team
Two Washburn University football players were shot outside of a party in Topeka, Kansas early Sunday morning, according to the Topeka PD. Junior defensive back Dwane Simmons was pronounced dead at the scene, while his teammate Corey Ballentine suffered non-life threatening injuries. Hours before the...
Dave Gettleman Now Has Everything Riding On Daniel Jones
New York Giants GM Dave Gettleman apparently did not enjoy watching the majority of NFL fans and media make fun of him for selecting Duke quarterback Daniel Jones with the sixth overall pick of the 2019 NFL Draft. He’s responded to the criticism by going on a media campaign of his own, sitting down ...
The Giants Were Extremely Horny For Daniel Jones
The Giants liked Daniel Jones. Obviously, because otherwise they wouldn’t have drafted him at No. 6, ahead of Josh Allen or Ed Oliver or Dwayne Haskins. But: they really liked him....
Daniel Jones, Huh?
For the first time in forever (and a few years after it should have happened), the New York Giants have a quarterback of the future. Duke’s Daniel Jones is the anointed successor to Eli Manning, the shiny new model to replace the beaten-up old jalopy who’s running on rims. Orderly succession is the ...
Raiders Do Fairly Raiders Thing
When the Oakland Raiders selected Clemson’s Clelin Ferrell with the fourth pick in the NFL Draft, the response from fans was mixed to say the least. Some were frustrated, like the man at the top of this post, while others were just flat out confused, like the fan in this clip that stopped to look ar...
How Will Your Team Screw Up In The NFL Draft?
When Drew Magary asks if you’re excited about something, the initial impulse is generally to say yes. The man is large and eager and highly excitable, and when he is excited the instinct is to be excited, too. You would no more tell him that you are not excited than you would say “ugh, relax” to a b...
MLB Suspends Giants CEO Larry Baer Without Pay For Physical Altercation With His Wife
The MLB front office announced today that commissioner Robert Manfred has suspended San Francisco Giants CEO and minority owner Larry Baer until July 1 of this year—essentially half the baseball season—without pay for the altercation with his wife that was caught on video and published by TMZ earlie...
Giants CEO Larry Baer Will Not Be Charged For Pulling His Wife To The Ground In Cell Phone Fight
San Francisco Giants CEO Larry Baer was involved in an ugly public fight earlier this month with his wife, Pamela; video showed what looked like Larry Baer dragging her off a metal chair and to the ground while struggling to wrench a cell phone out of her grip. Police were called to the scene and in...