ass Page 279 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Deadspin Classic: The 2008 New York Jets Preview, By Jenn Sterger
The NFL has shipped off its report about Brett Favre's penis to Roger Goodell (more later), but, for now, let's look back on how this all began: with the 2008 Jets preview Jenn wrote for us, and which I'd completely forgotten about....

Finally, An Athlete Wears Protection In Self-Taken Bathroom Photo
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

German Santa Drunkenly Stumbles, Pisses, Falls His Way Into History
Bookmark this one for the day when you don't deliver your kid everything he or she asked Santa slide down the chimney with. Hell, bookmark this for when your family looks at you all judgmental while funneling nog....

Matt Cassel Liked Sticking It To Pete Carroll
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the Chiefs QB is somewhere over Dwayne Bowe, so to speak....

Name That Mascot Dong, Pt. 2 (UPDATE: Lighthouse Penis Speaks, Gets Kicked In The Groin)
This weekend we brought you the phallic-shaped cannon now representing the Columbus Blue Jackets. UMass-Boston might one-up them with "Beacon," who's clearly a bipedal penis....

What Objects Are We Putting In Our Rectums?
Let's have some more fun with the Sun-Sentinel's emergency room database, shall we? Here's a list of various objects that in various contexts were lodged in various rectums. Verbatim:...

The Blake Griffin Poster Has Arrived
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Crazy Old Coots Still Bemoaning Felix Hernandez's Cy Young Award
Joe Morgan may be gone, but his ignorant spirit lives on. Murray Chass and Phil Rogers wonder how in the world Hernandez could be the best pitcher if he didn't have the most wins. Yes, we're still having this damn discussion....

Notre Dame Won't Talk About Woman Who Killed Herself After Reporting Football Player Sexually Assaulted Her
At the end of August, 19-year-old Elizabeth "Lizzy" Seeberg told [university] police that a Notre Dame football player sexually assaulted her. Nine days later, she killed herself. And what has the university said about it in the months since?...

Here's Video Of The Knockout Of The Year Getting Delivered In Atlantic City Last Night
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Greg Oden's Shirt Is Far More Accurate Than He Realizes
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Ines Sainz And Her World Famous Gumper Rumpy Poop Carriage Caught In The Wild In Dallas
As you may know, the Mexican TV reporter with the POM-bottle backside is being heavily promoted by her PR company for the Pacquiao fight. The very patient Michael Rand interviewed and transcribed her thoughts on, oh, stuff....

Ugly Pot Calls Ugly Kettle Ugly
Joakim Noah says Kevin Garnett is "ugly."...

Relive Zenyatta's Breathtaking Run
It is with a heavy sigh of relief that we can report Zenyatta did not have to be euthanized following her run in the Breeder's Cup Classic. She finished 2nd, but it was one of the greatest finishes we've ever seen....

Your College Football Night Games Open Thread
Two Top-20 matchups: Arkansas hopes to bring more sororitears to South Carolina and Arizona goes to Stanford. Other noteworthy contests: Oklahoma at Texas A&M, Mizzou at Texas Tech, Louisiana-Lafayette at Mississippi....

Tottenham’s Benoit Assou-Ekotto Rips Into "Dirty Prostitute Shagger" Rooney
Tottenham Hotspur defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto, best known for his laid-back, "couldn't give a f**k, tbh" approach to professional football, has laid into his Premier League peers, singling Wayne Rooney out for special attention as a "dirty prostitute shagger."...

Brad Richards Shot A Hole In The Glass Last Night
This slap shot by the Stars' Brad Richards was different than your everyday slap shot in that it BROKE CLEAR THROUGH THE FREAKING GLASS. [Sportress of Blogitude]...

The Most Entertaining Meltdown By A High School Football Color Guy In History
2010_1022_Abington_vs_Rockland_Touchdown_Nullified from Norm Caseley on Vimeo....

The Most Entertaining Meltdown By A College Football Color Guy In History
Spencer Hall asks us to keep Florida Atlantic color commentator Dave Lamont's spazgasm in perspective: "After all, it's not every day you challenge an entire pressbox to a fight in the middle of a game." Noted.[SBNATION]...

Cablevision Might Get The World Series After All
The FCC might intervene in the Fox-Cablevision dispute as early as today, so there is hope for you yet Cablevision Subscribers Who Have Not Yet Just Bought A $5 Antenna. [@bizballmaury]...