ass Page 280 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Beer Commercials' Real Target Audience
Tom Scocca explains that all-male, groin-punch-infested beer ads are designed not for adults but teenage boys. Apparently, boys go to great lengths to procure beer. Who knew? But Scocca, like us all, still can't comprehend the Pepsi Max spots. [Slate]...
NHL Hall-Of-Famer Gets A Little Handsy
Paul Coffey misses the camaraderie of the NHL. We really hope that's the explanation for this....
Guns N' Peas Is Where The Trajectory Of Man Began Its Steady Decline
So the Black Eyed Peas covered "Sweet Child O Mine" at the Super Bowl last night, with Slash helping out on guitar. First of all, FUCK YOU SLASH. You just spent the last bit of goodwill you earned from NOT being Axl. Secondly, the journey to our eventual self-extinction has begun....
There Were Three Fights In The First Four Seconds Of An NHL Game Tonight
The last time Dallas Stars visited the Boston Bruins, the teams totaled 175 penalty minutes. Bad blood continued tonight. A fight in the first second. A fight in the second second. And, a fight in the fourth second....
Some Chickenshit SEC School Complained About Alabama's Fax-Cam Girls
An unnamed SEC school filed a complaint with the conference over the girls Bama was using to retrieve faxes and post names on Signing Day. Mike Slive chided Alabama's AD. Oh, this gets the SEC to act swiftly. [AP]...
11 Sumo Wrestlers Involved In (Text-Only) Text Message Controversy
Wrestlers and stablemasters in the Japan Sumo Association (JSA) have long been suspected of match-fixing, but now there might be some textual messages to prove it. Let's hope this doesn't all trace back to a stubby-finger typo....
Everything About The Pro Bowl Was Half-Assed
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Cowboys QB Jon Kitna Doesn't Think You're "A Real Man" If You're Totally Into Laptop Porn
So, the XXX Church, a non-profit that seeks "to help people of all ages who are being assaulted by pornography," has apparently renamed Feb. 6 "Porn Sunday."...
O.J. Mayo Blames Gas Station Energy Drink For Positive Drug Test
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Here's Video Of The Time Brian Wilson Made Lopez Tonight Watchable For Nine Minutes
Brian Wilson, San Francisco Giants closer and medium through which people can communicate with The Machine, went on George Lopez's television show the other night. He was dressed like a boat captain. Likes: Old Spice and Red Lobster. Dislikes: Water....
Matt Hasselbeck Apologizes After Antonio Cromartie Threatens To Smash His Face
Responding to New York Jet Antonio Cromartie's rant about how the players' union needs "to get their sh— together and just get it done," Seattle Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck took to the tubes and "joked" about Cromartie's intelligence....
A Tribute To Sexist Old Andy Gray
After a long, hard night staring into the bottom of a whiskey glass, listening to Blood on the Tracks and wondering how it all came to this, The Spoiler reached an epiphany at around four o'clock this morning…...
The Massively Sexist Analogy Brits Use To Explain Offsides To Women
Soccer offsides is hard to grasp, for Americans raised on a hard-and-fast line demarcating what's legal. But it's presumably not difficult for a professional referee, regardless of gender, despite the boorish comments that got two British broadcasters in trouble....
Handball Referee Gets Punished For Exposing Himself To Hotel Staff
A handball referee was arrested for exposing himself to cleaners in a Gothenburg, Sweden hotel. The handball referee was subsequently sent home from the World Championships by the International Handball Association. But the games must go on....
Voice Of God Gives NFC Championship The <em>Any Given Sunday</em> Treatment
Thanks to WBEZ in Chicago, legendary NPR Broadcaster Carl Kasell recorded the famous speech from Any Given Sunday. We threw in some photos from Bears/Packers through the years, switched on the Ken Burns effect, and voila. Hope you're ready for some football....
Masseuse Claims She Received Lewd Texts From Vikings Players, Including Brett Favre (NSFW)
Brett Favre's come-ons to massage therapists weren't limited to the two women with the New York Jets. Stephanie Dusenberry, an independent masseuse in Eden Prairie, Minn., who has worked with a number of Vikings players, claims that Favre sent her innuendo-laden text messages last September. She con...
Dan Shaughnessy Is Awful
I'd be remiss if I didn't point out this execrable column from Dan Shaughnessy that ran on SI's website earlier this week, and is yet another triumph of idiotic Boston provincialism....
Sidney Crosby Was Concussed, But When?
Crosby sat out last night after suffering a concussion from a hit in Wednesday's game. Bad news for the Penguins, but it could be worse news if rumors are true, and he was injured on Sunday, and played with a concussion....
The Wannstache Will Not Return
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: "Please, Dave!" they all cried. But still no....
Barry Melrose Needs A Beer, And Other Observations From The Behatted And Be-Styxed Winter Classic
Our puckhead has returned from Pittsburgh with inside information on Dan Bylsma's hat, an autographed photo of Styx, and the lasting image of Barry Melrose waiting in beerless frustration at the bar....