ass Page 289 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kansas State Blogger Knows A Lot About Hating Kansas State
The Wichita Eagle hired a new writer to obsessively blog about Kansas State athletics. Unfortunately, some Wildcat fans have a problem with the fact that he's actually a Kansas grad. But at least he has experience badmouthing Manhattan!...
Bruntlett's Unassisted Triple Play Closes Out the Mets
The Mets rallied off of Phillies closer Brad Lidge in the bottom of the ninth, only to watch Jeff Francoeur line out to Eric Bruntett. The second baseman stepped on second and tagged Daniel Murphy to end the game....
Ochocinco Wants to Fight Berto, WBC Champ Guarantees A Beating
Chad Ochocinco has spent a few months of his off-season time training in boxing gyms, and now he's talking about launching a pro career. He's gone so far as to call out WBC Welterweight champion Andre Berto....
Ben Roethlisberger's Lawyers Stay On The Offensive
Big Ben's legal team released a series of emails and instant messages sent by his accuser that they say "prove" he did not rape that woman, Andrea McNulty. If IM messages are now irrefutable evidence, then may I suggest this....
The Greatest H-O-R-S-E Shot You'll See All Year
That's K-State guard Denis Clemente doing a credible impression of the Bird/Jordan "Nothing But Net" McDonald's commercials....
Man Asserts Dominion Over Nature, Hits Horse With Rally Car
Here's a photo of an Argentine rally driver running into a herd of wild horses somewhere in the Patagonian hills. One of them had to be put down. This is basically a metaphor for the industrial revolution....
Welcome To The Suck
So we have Viking fans storming Winter Park. We have ESPN following Brett Favre's black SUV via helicopter....
U.S.A. on Road to Amputee-Sports Glory
The New York Times reports on the development of a new, potentially world-class American sprinter: Jerrod Fields, who lost his left foot and lower leg to an IED in Baghdad....
Sportswriters Continue To Safeguard Our Delicate Sensibilities
Reports the San Francisco Chronicle: Jeremy Affeldt nearly walked onto the field Wednesday for batting practice wearing "a camouflage cap bearing a play on his name not suitable for print." Who let all the schoolmarms into the press box? [SFGate]...
Fart-Gate Scandal Blown Wide Open
After what seems like decades of secrecy and lies, America demands to know: Who cut the cheese? Now we may finally have our answer. The conspiracy goes far deeper than any of us could have imagined....and it really stinks....
Aaron Ward Jinxes Himself Out Of Winter Classic
On July 16, Boston's Aaron Ward was asked about his team getting to play in the Winter Classic. His response: "Don't jinx me yet. I could always be traded." Nine days later, he was traded to Carolina. [National Post/CBC/Bruins Blog]...
Ben Roethlisberger's Full Statement About The Sexual Assault Lawsuit
A defiant Big Ben denies "reckless" and "outrageous" allegations of sexual assault, doesn't take media questions, and says he will only address this in the "appropriate forum." (Respect the legal process! Truth prevails!) It's gonna be a long year. [WTAE/ESPN]...
Jay Mariotti On Erin Andrews, AutoSummarized
"Why was the Internet ... giving semi-lives to people with no lives?" thunders Mariotti, who writes for the Internet. The column goes on in this vein for 1,500 words. Let's send this through Microsoft Word's AutoSummarize function, shall we?...
Losman To Bring Down Overall Quality Of Play In Whole New League
The UFL finally has its marquee player. The former Bills QB finally has a starting job. Unfortunately for the both of them, those aren't unrelated statements....
What Exactly Is Ben Roethlisberger Accused Of Anyway?
Now that the people who care have had time to survey and digest the complaint against Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger, a clearer picture has emerged about the accuser and her allegations and it's not pretty. Here's an attempt to summarize:...
ESPN Breaks Its Silence On Ben Roethlisberger
Fantasy Alert: Big Ben is listed as probable for Week 1 (knee, sexual assault lawsuit.) Adjust your rosters accordingly. [ESPN]...
Ben Roethlisberger Accused Of Sexual Assault
WTAE-Pittsburgh reports that a Nevada casino employee has filed a civil lawsuit against Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, accusing him of sexual assault. His attorney denies the charge. More tomorrow, obviously, when Feel Good Story Week continues. [WTAE-TV; PFT]...
Hockey Game At Fenway Park To Be Wicked Cold
Bruins officially announce that they will host the Flyers in Fenway Park for next year's Winter Classic, but they'll really have to fling it to get a puck over the Green Monster. [Herald]...
Rinku Singh, The Body Electric
Singh, Pirates farmhand and vaguely neocolonial subject, struck out the only batter he faced Monday to become what's believed to be the first India-born player to win a professional baseball game in the States. [AP]...