ass Page 297 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
When Ya Gotta Go ...
Sometimes, the call of nature is so powerful that it cannot be overcome. We know. We've been there. You might be in an inconvenient location, but whaddya gonna do? Just ask Kansas State forward Bill Walker....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as for once you get your ducks in a row, and two are shot by Ted Nugent ... • College basketball: Georgia Tech at Indiana; Wisconsin at Duke. We'll find out which conference is better, once and for all (not really). [ESPN] • Minnesota at Florida State; Purdue at Clemson. Do not anger a...
Another Rough Day At The Garden
It's the NHL Closer. We pass the mic to the kids at Orland Kurtenblog. Their NHL Closer is written by Canadians for Americans....
Dennis Dixon Has Balls of Uranium
So it's official, Dennis Dixon tore his ACL ... two weeks ago. So that first quarter touchdown run on Thursday night just went from awesome to unbefuckinglievable....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your favorite t-shirt commits suicide in the dryer ... • College football: Oregon at Arizona. Ducks march toward a royal screwing when they hand out the bowl bids. [ESPN] • College basketball: 2K Sports College Hoops Classic, semifinals, at New York, Connecticut vs. Gardner-Webb; Me...
There Goes A.B., Trying To Deny It Again
We know we should enjoy those text messages that are put on the scoreboard during baseball games these days — it's fan participation, after all — but inevitably they just seem like the screechings of teenagers, using a language we cannot understand. But we dont' take them seriously. But then again: ...
Andy Reid's Son's a Determined, Resourceful Junkie
Yesterday, in a small Montgomery County courtroom in a sleepy little ghetto-posing-as-the-suburbs called Norristown, Garrett Reid, 24-year-old son of Eagles' coach Andy Reid was sentenced to up to 23 months in jail stemming from his heroin-dazed car accident last January. In a revelatory moment, unf...
Tony Romo Knows That To Impress Girls, You've Got To Have Skills
Why, why, Tony Romo? You and Carrie Underwood were so perfect for each other! And now this conniving temptress Sophia Bush comes between you? Is there nothing to believe in anymore?...
Patriots. Red Sox. Boston College. You just can't stop ANY of them. As if Massachusetts sports fans didn't have enough to tout, New England Revolution midfielder Michael Parkhurst scored his first career goal ... from midfield. Here's video proof that Jesus is simply engrossed in a month-long chowde...
For My Next Bet, I'll Need A Volunteer From The SEC
You've got a half hour left to put down money on amateur athletes. You're desperate. I mean, REALLY desperate. You turn to Deadspin for three shoe-in victories. You'll probably only cash in on one of them, but it's that one game in which you'll be forever indebted to me....
Live Blogging The Torre Press Conference
In a perfect, imaginary universe, Joe Torre would just go off today. His press conference, which is starting any minute now, will most likely feature Torre looking bemused and tired, giving "his side" of the story....
When Assimilation Goes Wrong: Negro NASCAR
You may remember The Assimilated Negro from his Negro Bowl I coverage for us last year. He returns to us to discuss NASCAR's odd decision to try to Negro-ize their sport....
My, That Looks Like A Delicious Sandwich ...
Look, I'm not one to ask questions. When a picture of Erin Andrews eating a sandwich shows up in my e-mail inbox, I post it. It's as simple as that, really. Now ... who's hungry?...
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Victims Of Spin Rage: The Forgotten Minority
We revist yesterday's spin rage post for the simple reason that we now have a photo of Mr. Stuart Sugarman, the man who was unceremoniously thrown into a wall — along with his stationary bike — for refusing to stop grunting during his workout in a Manhattan gym. At first I was sympathetic to his pre...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you finally extricate your flamingo ... • Minor League Baseball: Class-AAA Championship Game, Bricktown Showdown, Richmond vs. Sacramento, at Oklahoma City. Braves vs. Rivercats, for the glory, and the money. But mostly the glory. [ESPN2] • MLB: Red Sox at Blue Jays. Boston kind ...
I Don't Care What the Calendar Says, Today Begins Fall
• 10:00 am — Soccer: Fulham vs. Tottenham Hotspur [FSC] • 11:00 am — Tennis: U.S. Open, Men's and Women's Third Round [CBS] • Noon — Soccer: Manchester United vs. Sunderland [FSC] • Noon — College Football(!!!): UAB at Michigan State (!!!) [ESPN2] • Noon — College Football: East Carolina at Virginia...