ass Page 301 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
For My Next Bet, I'll Need A Volunteer From The SEC
You've got a half hour left to put down money on amateur athletes. You're desperate. I mean, REALLY desperate. You turn to Deadspin for three shoe-in victories. You'll probably only cash in on one of them, but it's that one game in which you'll be forever indebted to me....
Live Blogging The Torre Press Conference
In a perfect, imaginary universe, Joe Torre would just go off today. His press conference, which is starting any minute now, will most likely feature Torre looking bemused and tired, giving "his side" of the story....
When Assimilation Goes Wrong: Negro NASCAR
You may remember The Assimilated Negro from his Negro Bowl I coverage for us last year. He returns to us to discuss NASCAR's odd decision to try to Negro-ize their sport....
My, That Looks Like A Delicious Sandwich ...
Look, I'm not one to ask questions. When a picture of Erin Andrews eating a sandwich shows up in my e-mail inbox, I post it. It's as simple as that, really. Now ... who's hungry?...
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Victims Of Spin Rage: The Forgotten Minority
We revist yesterday's spin rage post for the simple reason that we now have a photo of Mr. Stuart Sugarman, the man who was unceremoniously thrown into a wall — along with his stationary bike — for refusing to stop grunting during his workout in a Manhattan gym. At first I was sympathetic to his pre...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you finally extricate your flamingo ... • Minor League Baseball: Class-AAA Championship Game, Bricktown Showdown, Richmond vs. Sacramento, at Oklahoma City. Braves vs. Rivercats, for the glory, and the money. But mostly the glory. [ESPN2] • MLB: Red Sox at Blue Jays. Boston kind ...
I Don't Care What the Calendar Says, Today Begins Fall
• 10:00 am — Soccer: Fulham vs. Tottenham Hotspur [FSC] • 11:00 am — Tennis: U.S. Open, Men's and Women's Third Round [CBS] • Noon — Soccer: Manchester United vs. Sunderland [FSC] • Noon — College Football(!!!): UAB at Michigan State (!!!) [ESPN2] • Noon — College Football: East Carolina at Virginia...
Andy Reid's Kids Are Not Holding Up The Family Name Very Well
If you think that Eagles fans are annoyed at Andy Reid's sons, consider my position as a diehard Green Hornet supporter. Britt Reid, of course, is Andy Reid's drug-enjoying, car-wrecking son ... but that's also the name of the Green Hornet's alter ego, newspaper publisher Britt Reid. Imagine my chag...
Jose Offerman's Comeback Attempt Hits A Minor Snag
As you surely knew, everyone's favorite smoldering volcano of goodness, ex-major league All-Star Jose Offerman, is playing for the Long Island Ducks of the Independent Atlantic League this season. Or, he was, until he went after opposing players with a bat on Tuesday night. Let's see Bonds try this....
Pac Man Is "Wrestling" At The Wrong Time
Before your proverbial panties are proverbially bunched by Pac Man Jones not really wrestling, the fine gents at Rich Kotite Banged Your Mom remind us that, in the olden days of 12 years ago, NFL players didn't just wrestle, they headlined Wrestlemania. There was no worry about injury back then, tho...
Pac Man Jones, Making It Pain
Far be it from us to impugn the trustworthiness of professional wrestling, but when a court order comes down saying that the headliner of your pay-per-view event "could not touch or be touched, grapple, shove, throw or have anything thrown at him by anyone working for or watching the show," well, we...
Will They Make It Rain On Pac Man's Face?
Weirdest thing, though, is that the promotional angle has pushed over into the real world; the man who was paralyzed in the famous Make It Rain strip club shooting is a former professional wrestler, and some guys are threatening to really hurt Pac Man....
Being An Obscure Gay Basketball Player Won't Help You Sell Books
It's difficult, in the world of sports book publishing, to garner better advance publicity than John Amaechi had for his book Man In The Middle....
The Dog Wars Begin
At last, we are seeing the expected fallout from the Michael Vick dogfighting imbroglio: The dogs have had enough of our spot at the top of the food chain and are taking their revenge....
Pac Man Jones Finds A League That Wants Him
It is a relief to know that, while he's serving his full-season suspension from the NFL this season — for, we repeat, charges he's yet to actually be arrested for — Pac Man Jones will be keeping himself busy....
A Day Full Of The Rock On ESPN Classic
We always enjoy ESPN's movie cross promotions, if by "enjoy," you mean "die a little inside." For every move that makes sense — if you're gonna make us sit through "Who's Now?" you might as well have Jessica Biel host it — you have 10 that turn your stomach, like the clips from Johnny Depp movies du...
Charlie Weis, Unsuccessful In Obese Litigation
Say what you will about Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis, but you can't say he isn't constantly charging forward. Whether it's recruiting, attacking a Cover 2 or, you know, gastric bypass surgery, the guy makes up his mind and just GOES FOR IT, MAN. Suck Off The Fat Like A Champion. Unfortunately, such...
Softball Players Are No Good At Word Games
Burnt Orange Nation ran an interview with former Texas softball pitcher Cat Osterman on Monday, at the end of which Osterman was asked to play a little word association (a recurring BON interview theme). While obviously a talented hurler, Osterman sadly bobbled this assignment. Instead of shooting b...