auburn Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Gus Malzahn will be Auburn's head football coach. Let's all watch that crazypants interview his wife did last year....

Alabama Barely Beats Georgia For SEC Title, Right To Demolish Irish In National Title Game

Your national title game will be SEC semifinal champion Alabama against Notre Dame, which in a just alternate universe just got piss-pounded by Ohio State in the Big Ten title game and ceded its title game slot to Florida. In this universe, though, Notre Dame spent the afternoon licking its chops as...

Say This For Newly Former Arkansas Head Coach John L. Smith: He Screwed Only Himself, Never The Help

The University of Arkansas will not be renewing the contract of interim coach John L. Smith, the university announced today, confirming what everyone and his sister knew the minute then-No. 8 Arkansas lost in Little Rock to Louisiana-Monroe on Sept. 8. Smith's team cliff-dove out of the polls, then ...

Deshazor Everett's Name And His Interception To Beat Alabama Are Equally Fantastic

As subplots go, the Alabama-Texas A&M game had an unexpected one from the end of the first quarter through the tense final minute: an errant extra point. Up until the decisive few seconds, when a Bama penalty on an Aggies punt killed the dregs of game clock, there lingered the question of whether...

Auburn Has A Private Security Firm Enforcing Players' Nightly Curfews

College football players are men. They're at least 18, so they can vote, they can serve in the armed forces, they can smoke, and they can roam the streets of America until all hours, doing whatever it is college kids do, so long as they don't do anything illegal. But not at Auburn, where the program...

This Week's Signs Of The Apocalypse

For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history....

Gene Chizik's Wife Went A Little Crazy On Facebook Yesterday

It's been a rough year for Gene Chizik's Auburn team, but things are about to turn around in a big way if Chizik's wife has anything to say about it. Yesterday, Jonna Chizik took to Facebook and posted the following inspirational(?) screed:...

College ShameDay: Who Embarrassed Themselves On Saturday (Besides Auburn; Auburn Is Just The Worst)?

Our weekly college football shame index. ...

Auburn Wrests Title Of "Team Everyone Wants To Play" From Arkansas

Arkansas beat Auburn today, which in itself wouldn't be so strange except that as recently as this morning it was reasonable to ask whether Arkansas would ever win another game, ever, ever. The Hogs were a preseason top-10 team that lost f̶i̶v̶e̶ four games—in September. If someone was to cushion th...

Tree-Poisoner Harvey Updyke Is "Meaner Than Anyone In The World," Writes Little Girl

The trees at Auburn's Toomer's Corner: not doing so hot. "Aesthetically dead if not actually dead," the university said last week. (Still, they might be doing better than Harvey Updyke, who is living in his car in the woods as he awaits trial.) The oaks received a massive pruning earlier this month,...

Reports: Three Dead, Including Two Former Football Players, After Shooting At Auburn Off-Campus Party [UPDATE]

Details are still sketchy, but it appears a shooting took place at an Auburn University off-campus housing complex that is reportedly home to many Auburn athletes. The shooting took place at a party at the complex at some time around 9:30 p.m., according to police chief Tommy Dawson. A press confer...

Harvey Updyke, Alleged Tree Poisoner, Kicked Out Of Alabama Softball Game

Harvey Updyke, the man arrested for allegedly poisoning the sacred tree's at Auburn's Toomer's Corner, who may or may not still reside in his car in the woods, was kicked out of an SEC Softball tournament game by Alabama officials yesterday....

Gambling Expert Calls Action On Auburn Games "Inconsistent" With Point Shaving

Yesterday, Yahoo's Charles Robinson reported that suspended Auburn point guard Varez Ward was under federal investigation for alleged point-shaving. Robinson mentioned two games that the feds were looking into—a 56-53 loss to Arkansas on Jan. 25 and a 68-50 loss to Alabama on Feb. 7. In the Jan. 25 ...

Report: FBI Investigating Auburn Point Guard For Alleged Point-Shaving

Auburn point guard Varez Ward is under investigation by the FBI for alleged point-shaving, according to Charles Robinson at Yahoo. Ward, who was suspended by Auburn at the end of February for "violating team rules," may have conspired to rope other players into the alleged scheme, say Robinson's sou...

"Am I Sick? Are We All Sick?": Overwrought Things The Media Wrote To Auburn's PR Guy During Cam Newton's Wild 2010 Season

A few months ago, we asked Auburn for all correspondence between the media and the football team's spokesman, Kirk Sampson, during the Tigers' 2010 season. We weren't looking for anything specific; we only wanted to get a sense of what it's like on the inside when the press descends on one story—in ...

NCAA's "Cecil Newton Rule" Closes A Loophole That Should Have Been Closed 50 Years Ago

Did you know there was a big Cam Newton scandal? It's true! People were getting all mad about it and everything! I know we've all got short memories, and Newton's better known for being Tim Tebow, but black and good, but it was just 14 short months ago that the NCAA was rocked by reports that Newton...

Uncivil: How Paul Finebaum Keeps The SEC's Dixie Aroused

The Southeastern Conference (SEC) is the brawniest thing in college football right now, and a scrawny man, Paul Finebaum, sits atop it....

Let's Celebrate The New Year With Auburn's Statue Of Liberty Play

There's never a bad time for a trick play, and Auburn tied up the Chick-Fil-A Bowl in Atlanta with a picture-perfect Statue of Liberty. Happy New Year in the United States of Football. [ESPN]...

Here's The Bizarre Kristi Malzahn Interview Somebody's Trying To Sweep Off The Internet

We became aware of this a while ago, but seeing as how all public copies seem to have been swept off the web here's the wife of new Arkansas State head football coach Gus Malzahn acting very strangely at a church in Springdale, Ark. It is, alas, an edited version (sports agent John Phillips is tak...

Onterio McCalebb's Kickoff Return Touchdown Left This Auburn Bro Feeling Awfully Smug

Auburn's Onterio McCalebb opened the second half of the Iron Bowl by taking Alabama's kickoff to the house, but it only brought the Tigers within ten of their rivals—which makes you wonder what this bro is feeling so smug about. [CBS]...