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Football Writers Dust Off Their Old Dumb Takes About Domestic Violence, Somehow Make Them Dumber
Since the Kansas City Chiefs indefinitely suspended Tyreek Hill last week for his alleged role in breaking his 3-year-old son’s arm and for threatening his fiancée in a leaked audio recording, the NFL Knowers have dutifully donned their thinking caps and pondered solutions. What the actual problem b...
Philippine MMA Promotion Hosts Extremely Sloppy 3-On-3 Fight
Last weekend, regional Philippine MMA promotion Universal Reality Combat Championship showcased several of the Philippines’ most promising fighters fighting the normal way, and then also six other dudes fighting three-on-three. It was not as action-packed as you might imagine....
<i>Fortnite</i> Players Immediately Find Worst Possible Uses For New NFL Skins
In an attempt to burnish their brand in the eyes of the nation’s population of shrieking nine-year-olds who steal their mothers’ credit cards to cosplay John Wick in a bad video game, the NFL has partnered with Fortnite and released a bunch of official skins and other crap. Predictably, players imme...
Jerry Jones Thinks You're Stupid Enough To Believe An 18-Game Season Would Be "Better For Players"
Roger Goodell and the NFL owners have been agitating for an expanded regular season for a number of years now. Back in 2010, Patriots owner Bob Kraft called the idea of an 18-game season “a win-win all around,” and Goodell said, “There’s a tremendous amount of momentum for it. We think it’s the righ...
New Marketing Deal Will Bring Regular Season La Liga Match To The U.S.
After years of seeing meaningful games from our own major sports shipped abroad by the greedy leagues that control them, U.S. sports fans are about to find themselves on the opposite side of that transaction. Thanks to a new marketing deal, Spain’s La Liga will play a regular season match stateside,...
The McGregor-Mayweather Fight Will Be Dumb As Dogshit
After what feels like years of chest-puffing and across-the-aisle shit talking, Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather have finally agreed to fight each other for what will undoubtedly be a huge pile of money. The fight will take place in Las Vegas on August 26. It will be a 12-round bout at 154 pounds...
Reds Prospect Posts Video Of Himself Snorting What Appears To Be Cocaine
Cincinnati Reds pitching prospect Ian Kahaloa was drafted in the fifth round of the 2015 amateur draft, and has been playing rookie ball ever since. He won’t be playing much this year, though, as he’s currently serving a 50-game drug suspension that was handed down on Tuesday. Last month, a Twitter ...
Oh, Cool, The NFL Is Trying To Kill One More Vestige Of Weirdness
The NFL’s determination to erase fun from its sport isn’t limited to its staid distribution of training videos for touchdown dances. The Washington Post and ESPN have reported that the league’s competition committee is also set to consider a proposal to ban leaping over the line of scrimmage on extr...
NFL Developing New Way To Drain All Joy From Sport For No Reason
The NFL will develop “an educational training video” on how to celebrate a fucking touchdown, according to a tweet this morning by executive vice president of football operations Troy Vincent, who if this was not the most embarrassing thing he has ever announced in public has had an extremely awful ...
You Are About To Be One Dumb Accident Away From Bankruptcy, If You Aren't Already
There are some nights when it keeps me up in a panicked haze. What if I get hit by a car while I’m running? What if I take a spill on my bike and tear some ligaments or, worse, have to take an ambulance to the hospital from some far flung road outside the city where I live? An x-ray? I’m eating lent...
The "Blue State Secession" Thing Is Not Helping
Ever since the election of Donald Trump, we have been treated to periodic semi-serious think pieces by liberals saying that blue states should form their own country. Hey—shut the fuck up!!...
Totally Unsurprising Development: Russell Okung's Self-Negotiated Contract Didn't Pay Off
Offensive tackle Russell Okung, who signed with the Broncos last offseason, is now a free agent. This is unsurprising, because despite the fact that Okung had a five-year “contract” with the Broncos that was “worth” $53 million, the Broncos faced no financial penalties for cutting him....