bad-takes Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Everyone feel really bad for Kelly Stafford living under a 'dictatorship' in COVID-ridden Michigan
Last week, much of America learned how truly violent and depraved the plot was to kidnap and — let’s be real, murder — Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. If you didn’t catch the highlights, here are some of the allegations from Michigan’s criminal complaint against the white men involved:...
Pep Guardiola Lauds New Signing Rodri For Not Having Tattoos Or Earrings
Manchester City signed Spanish midfielder Rodri this past summer from Atletico Madrid for a club record £62.8m fee. Since then, Pep Guardiola has been heaping praises upon the 23-year-old, telling BBC Sport that he’s become more and more convinced the player will be one of the club’s best signings a...
Kansas City Radio Chud Kevin Kietzman Ousted Following Gross Andy Reid Comments
Sweaty Kansas City radio hot-taker Kevin Kietzman was pulled from his show this week, after clumsily referencing the drug abuse and 2012 death by overdose of Chiefs head coach Andy Reid’s oldest son in order to make a point about Reid’s performance as a football authority figure. Kietzman made the c...
Dipshit Philly Columnist: I Know Roy Halladay's Desires Better Than His Wife And Family
Brandy Halladay, the widow of Hall of Fame pitcher Roy Halladay, announced Wednesday her family’s decision to have Roy’s bust in Cooperstown feature a blank cap, representing neither the Toronto Blue Jays nor the Philadelphia Phillies. The Halladays figure this way Roy can represent “something to a...
Former NFL Scout Issues Truly Hamburger-Brained Antonio Brown Take
Since the Steelers drafted Antonio Brown before the 2010 season, he’s averaged 93 receptions, 1,245 receiving yards, and more than eight touchdowns a season. He’s led the league in receptions twice; he’s led the league in yards twice; he’s made the Pro Bowl seven times; he’s been a first-team All-Pr...
Mark Cuban Shares Just The Most Exhausting Take On American Basketball
Luka Dončić is very good. He is also cool, the kind of player you look forward to rooting for and enjoying for years to come. It would be a shame if something were to happen that suddenly forced you to start rooting for Zion Williamson to make it his first order of business next season to dunk Donči...
Everyone's Mad At Bill James For Being An Old Dummy
Bill James, father of sabermetrics, consultant for the Boston Red Sox, and guy who routinely shares the sort of opinions that get him publicly clowned by his daughter, unleashed a doozie last night....
Race-Baiting Troll Phil Mushnick Is Really Reaching For Excuses To Be Racist Now
What’s that cranky old knob Phil Mushnick been up to lately besides scolding Joakim Noah for being an ungrateful black person because Noah said he’s against war? Other race-baiting shit, it seems. Today, he published a column titled, “The sick, disturbing video that ESPN thought was a laugh riot,” w...
Michael Kay Says Yankees Lost To Red Sox Because Math Can't Account For The Soul Of A Baseball Or Whatever
You are going to groan so loudly that everyone within a five-mile radius will hear it and several of them will immediately call the police when you listen to this conversation from The Michael Kay Show, about the failures that caused the Yankees to lose to the Red Sox in the ALDS. It’s unbearable....
So I Guess We're Blaming The Buffalo Bills For Acts Of Domestic Terrorism?
The premise of this breathtakingly insane Politico article really is—swear to God—that Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City because the Buffalo Bills couldn’t win a Super Bowl. The author attempts to say otherwise, but he also says this:...
Moron Supreme Court Nominee<em></em> Doesn't Believe Dez Caught It
We already knew that illegitimate Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had predictably conservative political views, god-awful taste in food, and questionable finances, but does it shock you to learn that he has bad sports takes, too?...
The Constantly Stupid Braves Announcing Booth Has Infected Jeff Francoeur
Even in a profession that asks old men to talk about baseball non-stop for four hours a night, the Atlanta Braves’ announcing team stands out for its dedication to infuriating dumbassery. Most often, it’s the duo of Joe Simpson and Chip Caray who do the heavy lifting, running their mouths about suit...
Weird-As-Hell <i>USA Today</i> Blog Reads Like Ad Copy For The Qatar World Cup
We’re all in agreement that holding the 2022 World Cup in Qatar is a bad idea, right? Like, historically bad, since both the oppressive heat and the lack of infrastructure make the tournament such a logistical nightmare that it has to be played in December, with an entire city created from scratch t...
True Ass-Brain Football Columnist Says Matt Patricia Risks Losing Lions Players Because Punishment Isn't Fun
Matt Patricia has been head coach of the Detroit Lions for roughly 19 minutes. It’s been a rocky time—mere moments after he accepted the job, the Detroit News reported on a sexual assault indictment in Patricia’s past, and the Lions organization needed much of the time since—and, frankly, the aid of...
Shit-For-Brains Columnist Says Existence Of Misogyny Should Prevent Becky Hammon From Being Hired, Unless For "Marketing"
Old man Pau Gasol wrote for The Players’ Tribune this week about the head coaching qualifications of Spurs assistant Becky Hammon, who reportedly has an interview lined up with the Milwaukee Bucks in the coming days. The upshot of Gasol’s letter is this: Hammon is exceedingly qualified to coach an N...
Screeching Moron Formerly In Charge Of U.S. Soccer Scouting Offers Braindead Anti-Messi Take
You probably aren’t familiar with Thomas Rongen, and we really wish we didn’t feel compelled to inform you of his existence. But when a gaping asshole like this has somehow amassed real, serious power at the highest levels of U.S. Soccer, and demonstrates his gross incompetence for his position in t...
Russell Westbrook MVP Truthers Are Truly Around The Bend
If I weren’t a basketball fan—if you aren’t one right now—basketblogging, I swear, would itself be an insurmountable barrier to entry. Cricket has incomprehensible structure; baseball has interminable periods of non-action; basketball has a breathtakingly pretentious universe of bloggers and Twitte...
Counterpoint: Actually Everyone Thought J.R. Smith's Latest Stunt Was Pretty Funny
Here is a funny headline to put above a blog about J.R. Smith just hours after the entire internet spent a full day enjoying the thought of Smith hurling soup at Cavs assistant coach Damon Jones: “With Cavs struggling, J.R. Smith’s stunts aren’t so funny anymore.” I beg to differ!...
Answer For Your Awful Basketbloggers, Warriors Fans
What the hell am I even reading right now?...