ball Page 1633 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Your Early Game College Football Open Thread
Are you hoping those scrappy purple-clad kids from NW can somehow derail the mighty Iowa? You want Miami's Jacory Harris to say something silly to the UVA d-line? Can Central Florida not lose by 50 to Glandorf University? [LMK]...

Fu*k Your Parade, Yankees
Oh hey! Loogit! Very rich people being cheered as they drive through the financial district most responsible for our economic downfall! WHAT A WONDERFUL SIGHT TO SEE!...

Area Satirical Newspaper Joins Forces With Puppet-Based Humor Channel
In a move I can only pray will cut Jeff Dunham-related programming down to a more manageable 23 hours a day, The Onion and Comedy Central will be doing a sports show together....

Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: Blessing The Child Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence — quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose — that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....

Forget Strength Of Schedule; Look At This Snazzy Press Release!
The WAC hired a PR firm to convince voters than an undefeated Broncos team would be deserving of a BCS bowl. Okay, but I'm not going on a junket to Boise. [ESPN via Midwest Sports Fans]...

Why Are So Many Quarterbacks Kicking So Much Ass? Jamboroo, Week 9
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Deleted Scenes From The Sports Guy Book Tour
Bill Simmons' book tour continues apace (NY Times #1 bestseller!) and we also continue to get dispatches from fans of overweight literature. Enjoy these tales of long lines, blurry photographs, and some guy who likes autographed meat....

In Exhibition Game, Marcus Jordan Scores One Point, Costs School Several Million Dollars
Michael's son wore a pair of Air Jordans in Central Florida's exhibition opener yesterday, and now adidas has petulantly ended its relationship with the school. Marcus went 0-for-3 in 23 minutes against something called St. Leo. [Orlando Sentinel, UCF Athletics]...

Isiah Thomas Continues His Formula For Success
Florida International begins its march to the upper echelon of D-I basketball by playing its first exhibition game under their new head coach....and losing to an NAIA school coached by Rollie Massimino. Exactly as planned. [AP/SB/RTC]...

Cheap Shots? That's Just The Way Georgia and Florida Play Football
There's been a lot of debate about Brandon Spikes' cat scratch fever on Washaun Ealey, but there's one point on which everyone seems to agree. Both Georgia and Florida play extremely dirty football and that's the way they like it....

Incredibly Earnest Preteen Coach Is YouTube Gold
Coach Noah might be the greatest thing to happen to basketball since the shot clock. You only think I'm kidding....

When Ladies Start Throwing Chairs In A Casino Cafeteria, It's Time To Call Tim Floyd
Luckily, before this devolved into some serious Latina ultra-violence, disgraced former USC basketball coach Tim Floyd was there to calmly intervene. Brain go boom. [HermsPerm]...

Pothead Dads, Reebok Girl, Hookers and Oatmeal: Your Open Mailbag
Time for your Deadspin Open Mailbag Tuesday. Email us here or submit your questions via Twitter. This week, we're covering waterless urinals, pothead dads, bacon, butter, and upright jerking....

Owning A Russian Basketball Team Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
If future Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov ever invites you to watch a game in the owner's box, don't accept. Not only will you be stuck watching the Nets, there's a decent chance you'll be caught up in an assassination attempt....

No One Cares About A F*cking Live Press Conference
The Vikings beat the Packers at Lambeau Field yesterday. But did you know there were other NFL games played on that day? No, I swear. It's true!...

Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: Eye For An Eye Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence — quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose — that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....

Brandon Spikes Will Blind You If He Has To (Update)
If Georgia's Washaun Ealey didn't want his eyes gouged out by Florida's Brandon Spikes, then maybe he shouldn't have worn a helmet that allows for pesky weaknesses like "vision."...

Tackler Has Great Form, Terrible Uniform Recognition
The semi-pro Las Vegas Cobras claim to "provide our players the ability to fine-tune their skills for advancement to the next level." Lesson number one: stop tackling your teammates....

The Most Extreme PAT Ever
A high schooler boomed his kick into a transformer, knocking out power to the neighborhood. I assume the remainder of the game was played in slow motion, with sparks cascading around them, like a John Woo film. [Birmingham News]...

Your Afternoon College Football Viewing Open Thread
It's time for the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Florida vs. Georgia. I know we're not supposed to call it that, but I have immunity from the Fun Police. A couple photos culled from Google Image Search after the jump....