balls-deep Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Why Your Team Sucks 2015: Tennessee Titans
Some people are fans of the Tennessee Titans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tennessee Titans. This 2015 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. ...
Why Your Team Sucks 2015: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2015 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times
I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it s...
Chris Broussard Is ESPN’s Favorite Kind Of Shitty
Between fucking up his report on the DeAndre Jordan saga and beefing with co-workers about the chastity of Russell Wilson, last week was quite a week for ESPN reporter and self-proclaimed “thought leader” Chris Broussard. With ESPN tightening its belt and sending away expensive, outspoken talent lik...
“Never Fight People Bigger Than You”: Your School Fight Horror Stories
I went to Spanish Camp when I was a kid (shut up), and there was this one kid named Dave who was always a dick to me. I spent pretty much every waking moment ruminating on how much I hated Dave, until one day when I couldn’t take it anymore, and I walked up behind Dave and sucker-punched him. Total ...
Children’s Ages, Ranked
I think it’s about time we started previewing some shitty NFL teams, no? That’s right: The WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS series boots up again this month, which is good, because these teams are suckier than ever. If you wanna send in a rant about why your team sucks (emphasis on YOUR team … don’t send me some...
People Who Hate Air Conditioning Are Commie Assholes
It’s summer again, which means it’s time for a whole new round of dirty hippie assholes smarming up the Internet with their anti-air conditioning takes. Even the Pope got in on it. NOT COOL, COOL POPE. Anyway, these air conditioning shamers are a scourge and they must be destroyed, starting with the...
“Then They Lit A Roman Candle”: Your Best Fireworks Horror Stories
Fireworks! So loud! So destructive! So shabbily made! Why, they’re the perfect embodiment of America itself! No wonder we blow them up real good every 4th of July....
What Happens If Someone Dies During The Hot Dog Eating Contest?
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering pretzels, Canada, prom boning, and more....
Deadcast: Did La’el Collins Stiff A Hooker Who Ate His Ass Out?
It’s the question of our time, really: Did Dallas Cowboys rookie free agent lineman La’el Collins help himself to a free tossed salad? A self-proclaimed “orally gifted” escort who goes by the handle of THROATZILLA certainly thinks so, and she publicly unloaded both barrels on Collins earlier this mo...
How To Hate Steph Curry
I went to my kid’s kindergarten class a week ago to be the “Mystery Person” for the day. This is a thing where, once a week, one of the parents shows up unannounced and talks to the class about what they do for a living. So I go in and explain my job to the class (in the vaguest possible terms, sinc...
Tell Us Your Pettiest Golf Club Stories
Earlier today, we ran an excerpt from author Shane Ryan’s new golf book. It was about the unrelenting pettiness of Augusta National Golf Club, from which even squirrels and birds can be banished for getting out of line. That post inspired commenter Clue Heywood to tell us a story about Randy Johnson...
Deadcast: Does The Bible Foretell A Cavaliers Victory?
Nothing delights me more than when crazy people revisit sacred texts in an attempt to discover ancient prophecies about current NBA games. And a reader recently pointed us to one such sterling example, which is the subject of this week’s Deadcast....
Allen Iverson Has Destroyed The Legacy Of Allen Iverson
As it turns out, the way you stop Allen Iverson is with cheap domestic beer and a good divorce lawyer. Journalist Kent Babb published a biography of the former superstar this week (I recommend it), and there are stories in it about Iverson being, at times, a complete shitbag. To wit:...
Deadcast: It's The Goddamn NBA Finals
Hey, the Cavs and the Warriors start the NBA Finals tomorrow night! These fucking teams. They’re so intriguingly matched and sympathetic in various ways … I hate that I cannot hate them more than I would like. But by God, this is Deadspin, and so we will find some way to shit all over them and the c...
Should Every Baseball Field Be Exactly The Same Shape?
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