balls-deep Page 34 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Peter King Defends Hall Of Fame’s Right To Honor Alleged Serial Rapist
The NFL season is over, which means it's probably a good time for big-time NFL writers to go home and take a nap. And it seems no certified water-carrier needs a break more than SI's Peter King, who took to Twitter last night to defend the Hall of Fame candidacy of … alleged serial rapist Darren Sh...
Counterpoint: Tom Brady Is One Of The Best Of All Time, Moron
I knew there would be a lot of shitty hot takes in the wake of yesterday's titanic Super Bowl. But I didn't know that the worst take of all would come from THIS VERY WEBSITE, from the otherwise perfectly reasonable Barry Petchesky. Barry is a Giants fan, so maybe his brain has been wadded up with ...
Your Fake, Zany Craigslist Ad Is Stupid And Annoying
In 2015, the only people out there who have any real use for Craigslist are hookers and serial murderers. Personally speaking, I haven't used the site since 2009, when my wife and I bought an outdoor playhouse from a lady nearby. Turned out the playhouse had a colony of yellowjackets inside of it....
Do Not Root For The Goddamn Patriots
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Sports Crimes, Ranked
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering hot sauces, Ballghazi, jacking it in the doctor's office, and more....
<i>GQ</i>: Goodell Berates NFL Employees for Being Overpaid
Over at my other day job, GQ just posted this big fat schlongread from Gabriel Sherman about NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. You should head over there and read the whole thing now, because the piece does wonders for anyone who (like me) is looking to hate Goodell even more than they already do. I...
Time For Your Worst-Ever Poop Stories
Oh God, the Super Bowl bye week. I feel as if all the blood has been drained from my body. No playoff games. No picked up flags. No de-juiced balls. No endless replays. I barely know what to do with myself, apart from avoiding the Pro Bowl....
The Greatest Mötley Crüe Songs Of All Time (And The Worst)
Wanna be a roadie? Guess what? BEING A ROADIE SUCKS. I spent a couple days on tour with Mötley Crüe for this big GQ article that dropped today, and I have a newfound appreciation for the rigors of going on tour and setting up an entire goddamn stage in a new city in a differently shaped arena night ...
The Ballghazi Takes Are Here, And They Are Fucking Insane
You knew they were coming, America. The second the Patriots got busted for doctoring footballs, you knew the TAKENAMI would rush in. And VERILY IT HAS COME TO PASS. Oh, people. Oh, this is my Christmas. These takes are so pure in their stridency, so firm in their conviction that ROGER GOODELL M...
And Now, Your Worst Failed Romantic Gestures
Back in eighth grade, I fell in love with a girl who didn't want anything to do with me, and the lovesickness got so bad that I played up the friend angle and called her every night, hoping and praying she would change her mind and want to hook up with me (NOPE). Anyway, I've told this story befo...
One Day We'll Be Too Lazy To Watch Football
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Oscar Nominations Won’t Solve A Fucking Thing
Okay, so the Oscar nominations came out this morning, and all of the acting categories feature white nominees, and all the Best Picture nominees are stories about dudes. As you can imagine, the Problem Internet was not pleased with this development. We go right to the takes!...
Let's Look At All The Shitheads Who Thought A Playoff Was A Bad Idea
We'll start with the obvious, which is that the college football playoff was fucking awesome and I am happy that it finally exists. It returned meaningful football games to New Year's Day, which I had missed dearly. It amplified the importance of regular season games, rather than diluting them. I...
NFL Playoff Bonuses Are A Fucking Disgrace
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering weird TV people, jock strap games, chapped lips, boner grinding, and more....
How To Give A Ball-Bursting Football Speech
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
They Have Teasers For Teasers For Goddamn Trailers Now
Here is a teaser for the upcoming Ant-Man teaser, which I don't want to watch on principle, because FOR FUCK'S SAKE. How desperate for a goddamn Ant-Man movie do you have to be to get a boner over an ad for an ad for an ad?...
Maturity Is Horseshit
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
The Niners Are Fucking Stupid
Jim Harbaugh coached his last game for the Niners today, a game his team won despite the fact that the whole world knew he was on a plane to Ann Arbor the moment the whistle blew. He leaves San Francisco with a record of 44-19-1, with three NFC title game appearances (the first of which came in his...
OH GOD THE FLU IS GOING AROUND!!!!
Hey, you! Did you hear? THE FLU IS GOING AROUND! Oh, sweet Jesus strapped to a fuck gun! THE FLU! It's around! Out there. Possibly far, but also possibly near! People have it! The neighbor has it! Your dad has it! The whole Winklefart family has it! I heard 30 kids in Darla's second grad...
The Scientology Christmas Catalog Is Totally Insane
Finding the right gift for everyone in your family can be a real bitch. Your mom just wants a phone call. Your dad wants you to find a job. These are not easy people to shop for. But what about your second cousin who moved to L.A., got introduced to Scientology by an actor friend, joined the ch...