balls-deep Page 39 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Why Pitchers Will Always Suck At Hitting
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering casual fans, racist neighbors, old porn, and more....
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Carolina Panthers
Some people are fans of the Carolina Panthers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Carolina Panthers. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Atlanta Falcons
Some people are fans of the Atlanta Falcons. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Atlanta Falcons. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Indianapolis Colts
Some people are fans of the Indianapolis Colts. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Indianapolis Colts. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Freelancing Sucks
You may have heard by now about Sports on Earth, the joint venture between MLB and USA Today that "laid off" a bunch of writers earlier in the week. Although the term "laid off" is a bit dicey: Technically speaking, the site only had a few full-time employees to begin with. Everyone else who wrote f...
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Houston Texans
Some people are fans of the Houston Texans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Houston Texans. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Why Kids Today Are So Much Better With Computers Than You Were
Your letters:...
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Jacksonville Jaguars
Some people are fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Tennessee Titans
Some people are fans of the Tennessee Titans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tennessee Titans. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Why Your Classic Children's Television Program Sucks: <em>Saved By The Bell</em>
Time for another look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Previous installments in this series can be found here. ...
Asshole Cannot Find Pen, Writes Entire <em>NYT</em> Trend Piece About It
Even by the standards of fake trend pieces in the The New York Times, today's column in about "The Demise of the Pen" in—where else?—the fashion and style section is exceptionally breathtaking in its presumptuousness. Join me now and marvel as writerer Nick Bilton turns a moment of sheer banality i...
Don't Cut Your Hamburgers In Half
Before we get to the Funbag, you should know that very soon, it's going to be time for the 32-part satanic incantation of our WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS NFL previews. So much sucking to do! So if your team sucks (and I do mean your team; don't be the asshole Redskins fan who writes in to bitch about the ...
The Hater’s Guide To Derek Jeter
I missed the All-Jeter Game last night but I’m told it was an emotional Jeterball game in which Derek Jeter jetered a few hits and saved 12 babies that fell from the stands and mowed the outfield so that you could see a crucifix pattern in the grass. There was also a small Jeterversy in which Adam ...
Would LeBron Still Be In Miami If The Heat Had Won Their Third Title?
I started drinking coffee a year ago so I could wean myself off of Coke Zero, and the main thing I've learned in that time is that coffee makes you a complete asshole. I get all pissy now when I haven't had coffee. I get all pissy when I've had too much coffee. I get pissy if I'm having coffee,...
Down With America's Kid-Competition Complex
I was at a parent's night at my kid's school a couple of years ago—one of those things where you go to the school at night to meet the kid's teacher and eat a cookie and listen as the teacher tells you all the shit they do in class every day, and then you nod your head in approval. "Ah, yes. MUSIC...
LeBron James Tells The Sports World Exactly What It Wants To Hear
Shortly after LeBron James announced via Sports Illustrated that he was heading back to Cleveland, Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski fired off this tweet, which, given the stature of his pronouncements at times like this, had the general air of a collective verdict:...
<em>Denver Post</em> Columnist Writes The Hottest LeBron Take Ever
In a world where even Dan Shaughnessy will hedge against his own stupidity, we desperately need a local newspaper columnist who isn't afraid to dish out the kind of moral rectitude and one-sentence KABOOM paragraphs that will put the sporting world back on the path to righteousness. We need a hero....
YouTube Video Will Cause Actual Hallucinations
This video, from Kent, purports to have hallucinogenic effects so long as you watch it and follow the instructions. I have watched the video and can confirm: YEP I FEEL WEIRD. But it's totally worth doing it because life is boring and seeing everything turn all wavy is rad....
Why Redshirting Your Kindergartener Is Dumb
Before we get to the Funbag, Craggs wanted me to do a cattle call for audio and/or video of your local nutjob coach screaming at players. So if your indoor equestrian coach is chewing you out for hours at a time, and you had the moxie to take a video of said rant, send it on in. We won't yell at you...