balls-deep Page 46 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What's The "War On Football" About, Anyway? My Day On The Frontlines
The first thing I saw was the abortion truck. I was walking toward the Omni Shoreham Hotel in downtown D.C.—site of the 2013 Values Voters Summit—and parked outside the hotel was a rickety truck that, from afar, looked like an untrustworthy kebab van. It was only until I got closer that I saw the s...
Why Injured Athletes Like Gronk Aren't Allowed To Be Cautious
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Greg Schiano, Tom Coughlin, And The Death Of The Hardass Coach
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Why Your Cardinals Suck
The St. Louis Cardinals beat the Pittsburgh Pirates last night, because the Cardinals don't like it when another team like the Pirates or Nationals dares to threaten their self-appointed status as America's Baseball Sweethearts. They'll move on to face the GLORY BOY Dodgers in the NLCS, and somehow ...
Dan Snyder's Open Letter Is As Gross As You'd Think It Would Be
Dan Snyder is that rare person who comes off as even more despicable when he's trying to be thoughtful than when he's just openly being a prick. Case in point: this hilariously tone deaf open letter to "Everyone in our Redskins Nation" (kind of like a reservation!) in defense of the team's nickname,...
What Would A Jaguars-Alabama Betting Line Look Like?
There's a dude at my gym who blasts Linkin Park through his Beats when he's in the locker room. But he doesn't WEAR his headphones. He uses them as speakers and plays the butt rock loud enough so that he can hear them without putting them on all the way. And then he sings along. That's grounds for m...
The Night Johnny Carson Found Out His Wife Was Banging Frank Gifford
Tucked inside the Hunger Games promotional pamphlet that was last week's issue of Entertainment Weekly was a rather amazing book excerpt from Henry Bushkin, lawyer to the late Johnny Carson. In the excerpt (not yet online), Bushkin describes accompanying Carson on a late night break-in of his seco...
Why You Can't Talk About Pop Culture Like You Talk About Sports
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Image by Jim Cooke....
Should NFL Players Have Their ACLs Pre-Operated On?
I was at the gym shower today when I reached out and grabbed my towel from the hook, only I grabbed the wrong towel and started to dry myself off with another guy's towel, which was alarming because A) What if he had syphilis and wiped that syphilis onto his towel? and B) What if he noticed that I u...
Why People Hate Darren Rovell
This weekend, Steve Kandell at BuzzFeeᴅ took a brief respite from posting listicles of shit that makes you feel old to do a big #longread on ESPN sports business reporter and Boiler Room extra Darren Rovell. As usual, Rovell comes across as an unapologetic industry hack, someone who found his niche...
Putting An NFL Team In London Is Dumb. Let’s Do It Anyway.
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
The Greatest Rumor Of All Time
I was on a plane yesterday and had to drop anchor in the bathroom, so I sat down and did my business and then, without thinking, I did a courtesy flush while still sitting on the toilet. NEVER DO THIS ON AN AIRPLANE. I thought my dick was gonna get sucked out of the tailwing. Kind of exhilarating...
Bo Is Right: Fuck The Fans!
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
Screw Your Completist-ism: A Guide To Bandwagoning <em>Breaking Bad</em>
I couldn't stand it. I was sitting through the lightning delay during Sunday Night Football and so many people were tweeting and salivating over Breaking Bad that I began to feel sick to my stomach over never having watched it. Jesus could have appeared in the flesh and it wouldn't have generated ...
Is The NFL Blacklisting Kerry Rhodes?
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
More Illustrated NFL Playbook Fun
When we did the Bills edition of Why Your Team Sucks, reader Matt E. sent in a phony drawing of the team's playbook that was so awesome, we asked him to do a few more of them. Here now are the playbooks of five more NFL teams, as designed by Matt:...
Oklahoma State? Pffft. Here's What A Real Sports Scandal Looks Like
If you're a scandal-porn aficionado as I am, you are bound to be left wanting by Sports Illustrated's beyond-exhaustive expose of Oklahoma State football. It's a story that promises, in bold type, lots of shit that I like in a scandal: MONEY (follow the money!), DRUGS (I like drugs!), and SEX (the c...
Is It OK To Participate In A Threesome With Your Cousin?
Your letters:...