balls-deep Page 51 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Simmons Is Sad About The Sports Emmys, So We Made A Prize For Him
It breaks our hearts whenever a big-name writerer—someone like Bill Simmons, or Chris Jones, or Jason Whitlock—doesn't get the temporal recognition from an elite sliver of elite opinion that he (and it's always he) demands. These men DESERVE their awards. They DESERVE to be showered in garlands and ...
Titus Young Will Take A Nap In Your AT&T Store
Titus Young isn't the kind of player to flame out in half-assed fashion. Oh no no no, when the man goes full turd, he REALLY goes full turd. And now here's a story from reader Ryan Randolph in which Titus Sr. takes his career immolation to another level by doing the whole Reese Witherspoon bit: ...
All The Best Quotes From The American Hero Who Rescued Amanda Berry
This is Charles Ramsey, Cleveland resident and the man who dialed 911 after coming to the aid of Amanda Berry, a woman who had been abducted and held hostage by three brothers for over 10 years. Charles Ramsey is awesome. Listen as he describes the situation. Pay no attention to what appears to be ...
UWGB Hoops Coach Brian Wardle Will Make You Run Until You Poop
It takes a special kind of asshole coach to make you run hills until you vomit. But it takes an even MORE special kind of asshole coach to make you run hills until you shit your pants and then mock you all season long for shitting your pants. That's the accusation leveled against UW-Green Bay men's ...
Why Does It Matter If Jason Collins Is A "Bad" Pro Basketball Player?
Right behind the army of people congratulating Jason Collins for coming out today was a smaller army of dedicated wiseasses who were determined to remind you that Jason Collins has had a rather unremarkable 12-year NBA career....
Everyone Sucks At The NFL Draft. That's The Best Thing About It.
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew’s book, Someone Could Get Hurt, here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
Taste Test: Why Is There A Strawberry Margarita In My Light Beer?
As someone with a lifelong passion for cheap, horrible beer, I couldn't have been more excited when I walked into a bodega the other day–the same bodega I go to every day to buy a bigass bottle of Coke Zero and a Jack Link's beef stick–and saw a stack of 12-packs of Bud Light Lime STRAW-ber-RITA rig...
Delta Gamma Promises To Punish The Girl Who Wrote That Batshit Letter
This letter, which was sent by a University of Maryland sorority sister to her "fucking AWKWARD" sisters, is a gift to the world and should be cherished by all those who are fortunate enough to read it. The Delta Gamma president and executive director, however, do not feel the same way. They have is...
Boston, Newtown, Challenger: How To Talk To Kids About Awful Things
I was in fourth grade at Myrtle Schumann Elementary School in Orono, Minn., when the Challenger exploded. I didn't see the shuttle explode live on TV. We were in our class doing our usual lessons as word of the disaster spread. I remember a little kid named Jason broke the news to me personally....
"WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR": A Sorority Girl Lashes Out At Her Sisters
I always like to picture sororities as places where college girls stage elaborately decorated mixers and then spend the rest of the week gouging out each other's eyes. And thankfully, the remarkable email you're about to read proves all of my theories correct. From reader Erik: "This is from the U...
Pat Summerall: The Last Of The Hard Voices
At my gym the other day, half of the television screens were showing an episode of Dr. Phil. You don't need me to tell you that Dr. Phil sucks, so I grabbed a magazine and went about the business of not looking at his big stupid head. But then I saw Pat Summerall in the studio with him and suddenly ...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>The Fresh Beat Band</i>
A regular look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....
All Hail The Fucking Curse Word Bracket Winner
A couple nights ago, I was tucking my kid into bed when I accidentally knocked over a picture frame and it made the loudest possible noise a falling picture frame could make. When it happened, I let out a slow and low, "Fuuuuuuuuuck." Then I turned to my kid and she repeated it back to me, exactly...