balls-deep Page 55 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cockblocked By John Denver!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase two heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The 27 Dumbest Things Gregg Easterbrook Wrote In 2012
Imagine the import of an alien to answer the yes-or-no question, "Does your society believe in God?"...
Every Oral History Ever
The Classical did an oral history of Fire Joe Morgan this week. And while it makes for great reading (especially if you love FJM as much as I do and have ripped off FJM as often as I have), it occurred to me while reading along that every oral history is virtually identical. Here now is your univers...
All Hail The Power Of The Pregame Warmup
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season....
Jerry Seinfeld Is The Worst
I've reached my tipping point with Jerry Seinfeld. It happened today, with this endless New York Times writeup that no one asked for, which includes the following caption: ...
Would You Move Into A Murder House?
I'm out on vacation next week. Your guest Funbagger, once again, is Justin Halpern. Email him your questions here. He'll answer them in between eating Chinese food and going to the movies. Now onto your letters:...
Cockblocked By Grandpappy!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Six Great Things That Turn Horrible When You Grow Old
Your letters:...
The Shitty Parent's Guide To Children's Christmas Presents
Christmas is coming, which gives you a golden opportunity to squander money and add to the mounting clutter inside your home. There are millions of options when it comes to buying presents for your children and then pretending that Santa gave them those presents and then resenting the fact that the ...
Cockblocked By Creationism!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The NFL Is Still Holding Back Saturday Football Because The NFL Hates You
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season....
Are You A Terrible Person For Wondering How Death Impacts Your Sports Team?
In the wake of the Jovan Belcher murder-suicide this weekend I got this email from reader Tom:...
What Will Football Look Like 50 Years From Now?
I'm sick this week, and when you have children being sick is the BEST. You don't have to do jack shit. You can go nap. You can mainline chicken broth directly into your wrist. You can opt out of bath duty and dish duty and garbage duty. The other parent has to do all the work. It's awesome. It's lik...
Why It's OK For The Chiefs To Play A Game Today
On its face, the idea of Romeo Crennel having to coach a football game mere hours after witnessing his own player, Jovan Belcher, commit suicide seems petty and dickish and greedy and lazy and stupid. I know that was my first thought yesterday when the NFL announced that the Panthers-Chiefs game wou...
Who Is This Hack Who Wrote About Colin Kaepernick's Tattoos, And Why Is He Such A Racist Dicktroll?
So this had no purpose but to get attention, and now it has: a remarkably racist column about biracial 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick written by AOLSportingNewsFanhouseBleacherMuckrackGrid writer David Whitley. Kaepernick's parents have already seen it and openly lambasted it. And KSK's Mike Tunison poin...
The Best Time To Fire A Head Coach
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season....
The Hater's Guide To Notre Dame
You’re gonna hear a lot about Notre Dame over the next month or so, particularly from media types like Tony Kornheiser who have spent the past 20 years holding back a collective tidal wave of jism, waiting for the program to return to prominence so that they can declare how good it is for college fo...
Dear Fireman Ed: F-U-C-K Off! Off! Off!
In case you missed it, unofficial Jets mascot Fireman Ed, whose claim to fame is going to Jets games and spelling one word very loudly, "retired" yesterday. And the best part is that he retired because people at the stadium were just too darn mean to him:...
Take Your "Elite" Quarterback Argument And Shove It Up Your Stupid Butthole
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season....